YouSaid · the spoken record

Joanna Coles

lines on the record: 117
first: 2018-04-23
most recent: 2018-04-23
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“I don't think she goes online. I think she's like those politicians and she just contracts it all out. Because actually the Queen's got rather a good Twitter feed, but it's all done, I think, from palace officials.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I have no desire for that. I would love to, oh God, I'd love to go to space. I'm just nervous that I would burn up on reentry.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I enjoy it very much and I love you're too embarrassed to ask because I'm always too embarrassed to ask. Well, this week you might not like it on TV.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They'll definitely be happier. There's no question. I want to remind people of the enormous fun of falling in love, of the fact that it makes you feel alive, that it's exciting, and that it's so much more fun doing that than staying in, hoping for a little drop of dopamine every time you get a little ring that someone's got a notification or someone's liked something that you've done.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I do think that the rule about the treadmill won't start on that one. Climb on and press start. You've got to get out there and do this. You can't sit whining that you want a relationship but not be prepared to put the work in. And, you know, you'll kiss a lot of frogs.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, I didn't get going. I think I just want us to go for another 90 minutes. Oh, God, I can hear people rolling their eyes. They're groaning. They're groaning.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It means we're going to shout at each other in the car later, i.e., we're not going to do this in front of other people. Because you feel incredibly awkward when couples get to it in front of you. And so I think that for me was a couple that, oh, that's a good thing to do. I might have been tempted to argue in public, make everybody else feel awkward. No, just take it offline.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, my advice one day at a time. My advice is one day at a time. But, you know, my parents have been married for 55 years. My husband's parents were married for 55 years. And you're much less likely to get divorced if your parents are still together. And I think what you're looking for is couples that have great energy. And I quote a couple in the book who started an argument while we were all having dinner. And then one of them turned to the other and said, BIC. And we were like, what's BIC? What's BIC? And it means bollocking in car. which means you're going to take the argument.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, we've been together, we met in 1990, we had a fairly sort of tumultuous first two or three years. And then we've been married for 16 years.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And what are the tips that they have? And these are questions we don't actually ask of each other, and yet they're incredibly couples who've stayed together are incredibly useful resources.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, I think this is really important. It's completely underlooked as a, or I should say overlooked, completely overlooked as a real source of value in relationships. And, you know, frequently you go for job interviews and people say, who's your role model? I'm sure you're always being asked who your role model is. I probably get that question once a week at this point. Who's yours? Well, my role models are actually younger people who are coming up with great ideas and who are completely fearless. My role models are the kids at the school in Florida right now. I can't believe what David Hogan Ever Gonzalez have been through and I think they're extraordinary. But in terms of relationships, you're probably surrounded by people who've actually got great relationships. And it's worth asking them how they do it. And in terms of romantic relationships, you know, asking grandparents, asking aunts and uncles, asking parents of friends how they managed it and how did they navigate the lows, how did they get through the high?”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, actually, it was interesting. I had some early, I had some early readers who were very bright, smart young women, and they all thought that that note was a bit sort of gothic for them. But I think that people do think in terms of, you know, what's important in your life? What are you going to give back and what are moments of great meaning? And nearly always, they involve real people.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, that's true, but when something like 9-11 happens, the thing that everybody wanted to know was who's the person you were going to call? And I remember a friend of mine said,”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“A crisis in your life Who do you want there with you yesterday? I was in, well, actually yesterday I was here in San Francisco and there was supposedly an earthquake. Now it was only 3.3 on the Richter scale. But nevertheless, I was thinking about what do you want in an earthquake? You don't want a Facebook friend in an earthquake. You want an actual friend to cower under the table under the stairs with you, right? In the actual important moments in your life, you want to be supported and you want to support.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's from Auntie, ma'am. It's really about, you know, I end the book reflecting on 9-11 and quoting Ian McEwan, actually, who had a wonderful essay.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, the last rule is that life is a fee. Take your seat at the table. But it's really about what happens. Life is a ban.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so, what happens then in that? Because it feels like things are careening apart. I mean, in terms of one of the things you say at the last, I think the last rule of this is it's that life as a fee.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I think what the public probably wanted was some sort of reckoning. They wanted to see a young billionaire get beaten up by politicians for a massive breach of trust. And we're seeing a company wrestling with how to rebuild that trust. And we're at such an interesting point in our culture in terms of trust because half the country doesn't trust the president, the other half doesn't trust the media. Trust is at an absolute crisis point, I think. And who do you end up trusting? You know, you don't trust the banks. They brought about the world's economic crisis. Kids don't trust their colleges necessarily anymore because they think they're being ripped off over student loans. You end up believing in the people that you know and you've had relationships with those are the people you trust, right? That's where trust resides.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I thought that was about how little our politicians understand tech and how complicated it is to be able to try and regulate these things. I came away still unclear what Facebook is from it. I think the existential question that they were all trying to understand was what is Facebook? And of course, what's complicated, and I think perhaps the senators and the politicians hadn't fully recognized was that each of their experiences of Facebook was different to another politician's because you have a very personal connection with Facebook. And clearly they contract out their social media to younger members of their teams. And that became so apparent with the questions they were asking.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Is there the beginning of all these companies, right? And we're trying to figure out the ways that the business model works with the ways that we actually use them.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right, but Steph has gotten beaten up since it went public. It's gotten beaten up in the stock markets, it's gotten beaten up in growth things. And right now is a moment where people are realizing maybe Facebook's not the best solution for our country in terms of communicating or whatever.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We don't think of it in those terms. I think that Snap is very much its own thing. We're very fixed on what we're doing. You know, it's very much opening a camera onto the world. It's an aperture through which to see the world. And that's really what we're fixed on. And it's very helpful to be in LA and not be caught up in the madness of Silicon Valley, which is very, very self-referential.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Aren't there huge believers in human editors and they wanted to use media brands that were trusted and had stood the test of time? So Hearst has seven brands on Snap. We're absolutely thrilled with the level of connection you get with readers. So that's why I joined because it was very clear it was going to be a dominant force in our times and I love it because it's a fun, fun medium. And my kids, my teenagers used it, all their friends use it and they were always laughing when they were on it. And the whole point is you're not supposed to be perfect on Snap. It doesn't need to be curated to perfection. It's a silly picture. You're sticking your tongue out and then it disappears.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I was thrilled to join the Board of SNAP because I was very excited about the Discover platform that has really become the de facto news platform for millennials. And I had some incredibly interesting and very thought-provoking conversations with Evan Spiegel, one of the co-founders, and Nick Bell, who runs the Discover platform. And it was really about how important quality content was online, that there was so much bad stuff out there, so much stuff you couldn't trust. And how could they build a battery? Well, Snap actually.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“In that, you're on the board of a tech company, lots of guys at Snap, too many, like not enough women in management positions there. They're not unusual. It's all of them. It's pretty much all of them. Why did you join a tech company? I mean, what was the perspective you were bringing? I don't think you're just coming as a woman. You're also a media person. It has media elements. What do you think your role is on a tech board?”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right, and I think the women, of course, Raynaro in The New Yorker, but I think what's interesting is that the women coming forward to talk about their stories wanted to talk to other women about them. So yes, male journalists had absolutely tried to get this story. And I remember being at New York magazine when David Carr, who went on to be media editor at The New York Times, wrote a long profile of Harvey and could sense some of these things and people had told them, but he wasn't quite able to bring the story home. But the women wanted to talk to other women about it. They didn't want to talk to men about it.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right, exactly. People had heard little stories, but not enough of them. And then when you assembled them together, and I was saying this earlier today at an event, it's no mistake that it was a bunch of women at the times and a gay man who wrote about this stuff.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There are lots of companies that have a sort of mini Harvey in them who's a bully. And what this really comes down to is bullying in the culture, right? Harvey Weinstein didn't just sexually abuse women, he bullied men too. I mean, almost all these guys that have been brought down bullied everybody. They were equal opportunity bullies. Nobody wanted to work with them. They just had sort of figured out a way to work with them.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's astonishing New York, which is a fabulous place to be a working woman. So we've got a lot of work to do on development. And what I think was astonishing, and I've talked to Jody Cantor and Megan Toohi extensively, the journalists at the times who got the Pulitzer for the Harvey Weinstein story. And they said when they set off on the story, people would say to them, oh, goodness, everybody's tried to do that story. Everybody's tried to do the story.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To working with men and women much more productively together, and I think if this says anything, it says the incredible importance of having more diversity and leadership. And we know we are still woefully behind that. And it's really shocking. There are 55, and I know you're going to ask me which company it is, and I can't remember, but of the Fortune 500 companies, 55 of them are in New York City, and only one of them is led by a woman.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Very weird. But I think we're sort of very liberating, exciting moment for women. And we're ready to sort of move on. And I think”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I think we're exhausted by it, but we're also freed by it. I think it's been an incredibly liberating thing for a lot of women to realize how consistently badly they have been treated in the workplace for a lot of women. I think it's a huge relief to learn that they weren't the only one. And we sort of know this when we hear about yet another man that's being caught, the patterns of behavior, the fact that it was never just one, it was eight, then it was 20, then it was 30. I think it's been very liberating. I do think we're at a moment now where men are claiming that they're scared. They don't want to be seen with a woman on their own. They might passing it. They might penetrate. Absolutely. He can only have lunch with mother. No one else is included. I actually, I'm curious about that. Is that because Mike Pence thinks that he's just rapacious and out of control and he's going to jump you? So he has to have his wife there. Or I don't understand what that's about. It was a weird thing.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh, I still don't go back to people. I always forget to get back to people. Actually, and people forget, you know, the good thing about these devices is people reach out and then they forget if you don't respond to them, they forget. They forget they ever ask.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, absolutely. It's a fantastic tool for connecting you. And if you live in a small town and you're reliant on your best friend's cousin turning up for some variety, then these are fantastic. They connect you to people you didn't know living parallel. Yeah, of course. They give you a voice. We've seen the extraordinary outpouring of support for gun safety and the kids in Parkland. I mean, they're incredible devices. It's just that the promise they were going to solve everything is clearly not true. And we're now at the beginning of that understanding that we have to be responsible for our own behavior around them”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's every toxic relationship you've ever had, and it can't be more, it couldn't be more important to learn how to put it down and switch it off”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Am I channeling area? Well, her thing is go to sleep. So she would sleep through the whole thing. I say, no, no, you can sleep when you're dead. No, I'm a big proponent of sleep. I think it's very important. I was actually in the friends and family round on Thrive. But I'm a huge believer in getting out there and getting involved in life and doing things with other people because that's where you build relationships which are the connective tissue between humans. It's the stuff that's important. And we all know this. We all know this and yet we all fall for the seduction of the phone. It's like we have this constant lover in our hand that's demanding of us and delivering just enough, just enough that we can't quite every toxic relationship.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think the most important thing is that I think the most important advice is get offline and get out into the real world and do things with you.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, how many? How many of these shower? What did he do here? But we also don't need to follow every single tick of his behavior.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, we can blame him for many things. I don't know if we can actually blame him for that, although it's true that you wake up in the morning thinking, oh, what's he done now? Yeah, it's true.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I've talked about women, I think, feeling that they're competing with porn. And I think people feel that they're competing. We're in the attention economy and sometimes you don't feel like being 100% with someone because you're tired. You've had a long day at work. You just want to sit and sort of relax or stare out the window. And of course you've got this device which is promising you everything that's much more exciting just to click away. I think it's really challenging for people and I think we have to help people build behaviors around it where they feel okay being disconnected. Nothing's going to happen to you if you put your phones out for half an hour. But you're so terrified you're going to miss something.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“With manics stuff that other people are doing. Yeah, and you can see it turns people's behavior. What is the current relationship? This book is about starting relationships and having a realistic way of meeting people. What about current love relationships and digital?”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That being able to walk out across the field and not have anything in your sight feels very boring to people. It doesn't feel like it's a liberating, exciting, creative thing to do. And it's hard to see how people will become really creative if they're cramming every waking moment with manic stuff that other people are doing. Yeah, and you can see it turns people's behavior into the current relationship.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, digital's easier. It's easier to have a relationship with someone on the phone because you don't have to turn up. You don't have to do the work and by phone, obviously I mean texting. And you don't have to listen to someone in quite the same way. You can maintain control. But I think it's incumbent on all of us to teach our children that you must have moments without your devices. I worry that we're losing the value or understanding the value of solitude, that there's never any reason now to be bored.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Satisfactory to do that. From Stanford, I think, but What are your worries, though, when you think about that? Because you were saying how to find a real relationship in a digital world. There are some points where digital is more appealing. It just is. It's more.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think it's about staying connected, feeling that you're staying on top of things that you know what's going on, that you're a part of something bigger. I think it's very easy to use these devices to connect to people. And they do make it easier to connect to people, but they make it harder to get to know people. Listen, I'm an optimist. I think that being in love is so exciting that hopefully people won't forget how powerful it is. It's what powered all the great art, all the great books are written about it. All the great music is about love. And the time that you feel alive in your life and you don't want people to lose sight of that. I was listening to a fascinating interview the other day with someone who said that sex will eventually only be for fun and all babies will be created in labs because it's just much more satisfactory to do that. Yeah, it's a book by someone Greeley from Stanford.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right. So, where do you imagine relationships going? You ran a magazine that was all about creating the best relationship you could have or giving people advice about that or feeling good about yourself. A lot of these technologies, it seems, even though they say they do make connections, really are deadening. Some of them are. I mean, I am addicted to nothing, but now I know I have a Twitter problem, you know, in terms of like, and realizing that it's a waste of my time, but not really totally, because it gives a certain kind of pleasure in a way. Not a sexual pleasure, but something. It's appealing to something within. Well, I think it's about...”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, that's true, but you wouldn't really be having a relationship with Kevin Kostner. No, and I think a lot of the tools that are happening now with virtual porn and things are... You're like, why would you rather do that? Because real relationships are complicated, but they become even more complicated. And communication is even harder the less you do it.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so, what does that do? When you say you worry, because there are more technologies where you can continue to separate each other and you have to cope with in terms of beating people. I'm not kidding about virtual reality. Think about it. You could have a relationship with Kevin Costner. Are you talking about the person who didn't? You could have one.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I do worry that the work it takes to create relationships is undervalued and that the real power of communication between people is becoming increasingly undervalued. And we live in a culture which encourages us to build up an army of followers and fans who are essentially anonymous to us. And we think that if they like something that we've posted, that that's a gesture of friendship. Whereas, of course, it's nothing of the sort. And true friendships are built over time. They're built because you have to listen to people and turn up and do the right thing when you don't feel like doing it. And the value of those friendships is very much like slow food. It's much more valuable to one's... You know, sense of well being than someone anonymously retweeting you.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's incredibly hard to get corn. It's one click away on your phone. And one of the other things is that there's an enormous amount of shame around porn too, which we can come back to.”
2018-04-23 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Joanna Coles, author, 'Love Rules' · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT