YouSaid · the spoken record

Lewis Howes

lines on the record: 122
first: 2022-04-14
most recent: 2022-04-14
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“This was a time when I felt like I needed it the most right. I went to go play arena football. I went to go chase a dream. I got injured at the end of the first season, had a surgery with my wrist. And at that time, end of 2007, 2008, the economy was crashing in USA. People weren't hiring those who had master's degrees. I barely graduated with just a general degree. I'm living on my sister's couch for a year and a half. I've got no money. I've got no mentorship for my father. And so in a sense, it was almost like, this is the weird thing when I reflect back on it because I don't think I would be the man I am today without his accident. Although I wish he didn't have the accident. I don't think I'd be in service. I don't think I would care about people as much. I don't think I'd be on a mission to want to change lives and serve millions of people around the world. I don't think I'd be doing an interview show or a podcast.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But then there'd be an explosion, and we just didn't know when it would be. And so the beautiful part about my dad is he had a massive transformation when I turned 13. He started to dive into the emotional intelligence training workshops and seeking wisdom on how to process his emotions. And he had incredible healing transformation. So from 13 to 21, I had this incredible relationship. Loved him, but I was also afraid of him 13 to 21, he was like my best friend. And so he got in his accident when I was around 21. It was devastating because now I didn't have a mentor that now was showing up in a different way, was loving, was vulnerable. I saw him cry a lot more. I saw him just be sensitive. So when he got in his accident, I didn't have that anymore. He wasn't able to have that relationship with me because of the brain accident.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But it wasn't all the time, you know. So again, he was a loving guy. He would tuck me into bed at night. He would play catch with me in the backyard.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I begged my parents to send me away. I went to a private boarding school of 13 for middle school and high school, and I couldn't get away fast enough. They didn't send me away because I was a bad kid. I begged them to send me away because I didn't feel safe at home.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He was pretty angry. He was an angry guy and he would, he was super loving, but then he would explode at times because he didn't know how to process emotions. And he had wounds. And so that was the challenging thing. It was confusing. And they weren't loving towards each other. So I didn't feel safe. My brother went away to prison when I was eight years old for four and a half years. So every weekend we would travel two hours to go to a prison visiting room and see my brother for a few hours. So I was exposed to things that I probably shouldn't have been exposed to at eight years old until 12. Which expanded my mind and my worldview and my perception of people, but also is just challenging to have a sibling in jail for that long and dealing with the dynamics of that. Yeah, it was just a challenging time. But at 13,”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Parents. My parents were 20 when they had my brother and then 24 when they had my sister and then 28 when they had my other sister and then they had me at 31. So they had to deal up with parents who didn't have these tools either. So I have a lot of grace for my parents because they didn't have the tools of emotional regulation or how to communicate effectively or how to process wounds. And I think if you don't know how to process wounds, it's going to be hard to just interact without being defensive or reactive or all these different things, passive aggressive. So I grew up for the first 13 years of my life in fear. In fear, I knew my parents loved me, but there was this energy that felt fearful and I was afraid of my father.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I mean, I grew up. Challenging because my father just passed away a month and a half ago and for 17 years he He got in an accident 17 years ago with a car accident where a car came up on his car, hit him through the windshield, and split his head open. He was in a coma for a few months, had severe brain trauma, stayed alive miraculously, but just had a challenging seventeen years where he never fully recovered. So it was an interesting dynamic with my dad the last seventeen years. Growing up as the youngest of four, my siblings, I feel like probably had it worse than me. They had to deal with, you know, 20-year-old.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I think the world has been shifting over the last four or five years as well, where it's more acceptable for men to talk about it with, you know, social media in a good sense, allowing men to be more vulnerable and kind of lifting these conversations up about mental health. So I'm seeing that shift, but I just didn't see that or have a model when I was growing up.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“or regulate their emotions. And so they react in certain scenarios, whether it be domestic violence, domestic abuse, war, just reactions on social media causing more stress, screaming in a workplace, whatever it might be, driving here in London, just people honking at the horn because they don't know how to handle their inner wounds, their emotional regulation. And I feel like if all humans, but men specifically can continue to learn these tools, it'll be powerful. But we weren't taught this in school. There was nothing in school that was like, okay, emotional regulation 101 class. There was none of this. It was just suck it up. Be a man. Toughen up. We don't talk about these things.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There was no one that looked like me growing up that talked about these things. There was no athlete that I admired that was like on TV saying I'd been sex with abuse or I went through childhood trauma or I didn't love myself or I struggled with insecurities growing up. I didn't see that growing up as a kid. So my goal was to be a model of saying, you know, I'm willing to lose everything if I can help men heal because I truly believe a lot of the pain caused in the world is caused by men who have massive wounds, who are reactive because they don't know how to handle”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Their shame, their guilt, their insecurities. There's not many guys that grow up. I don't think you had guy friends when you were 12, 15, 18, 23 saying, you know what, can we just have a coffee and talk about how shameful I feel about my past right now? Or I don't really feel that good today. Let's talk about it. Or my body image is kind of off. Like, we don't do that generally as men. We're not taught how to do that in society. But when you ask women, how often do you meet with a girlfriend on a weekly basis to talk about your shame, your insecurities, the challenges you're dealing with in your relationships, struggles at work, whatever it might be, women typically say they meet with their girlfriends every week, if not every single day, they'll have a conversation with a girlfriend, a sister, a mom about a challenge, or just what's on their mind. But we just haven't been taught that. So I really wanted to change the narrative and be a model.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“For weeks, I was getting essays from men opening up saying, you know, I'm married. I've got three kids. I'm 55. My wife and kids don't know, and I've been holding this with me for this long. It happened to me when I was 11. You know, men opening up about all the different experiences of sexual abuse or trauma that they face with. The challenge is most men have not been taught how to effectively communicate.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I thought I literally thought my life was over. I was like, no one is going to love me. But I also thought to myself, I can no longer be a prisoner inside with this information. I need to let it out. And if I can help one man heal from what they've been through, then it's worth it. I'm happy to lose everything if I can help one man. And it was one of the most profound experiences and really spiritually freeing experiences of my life was opening up, talking about it. In the aftermath was so powerful.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I felt like I was a prisoner for so long until it set me free of actually talking about my shame, expressing it. Communicating it with my friends, my family, and then eventually I did a podcast about it, which took me about six months to publish because I recorded it. And I waited six months because I said, if people knew this about me, no one would love me. My business is over. I'm going to have no friends. If people actually knew how shameful this thing was for me. And I think that was the biggest fear. But what I realized, this was back in 2013, maybe the end of 2013, early 2014.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No, I had no idea. I mean, I knew something was wrong. I knew something was off. But I didn't know, I mean, as a five-year-old, I don't think anyone really knows how to emotionally handle that or emotionally regulate or understand what's really happening at that time. But it was something that I lived with for every single day for 25 years. I thought about it. I thought about the instant, whether it be consciously or unconsciously, it was coming up. It might be a second or it might be minutes long of a memory, but it came up pretty much every day for 25 years until I went through a transformational workshop experience that got me to finally face it. And it wasn't until I faced it. Started to integrate the healing of that moment that”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Or really a mask. I tried to mask it and defend myself by becoming a great athlete by getting bigger, faster, and stronger so that I could defend myself against the feeling of being taken advantage of or abused. But that didn't leave me feeling fulfilled. It left me feeling angry and resentful.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I mean, it was all from real life experiences and results that I was experiencing. So just getting picked on as a kid, feeling neglected from parents and family members, feeling, you know, again, sexual abuse that I dealt with and struggling throughout school my entire childhood until it took me seven years to finish college. I was in the bottom of my class in school, elementary, middle, and high school. And so the narrative was there were real world results that were showing me that I was unlovable or being taken advantage of or abused or these things. And so that stayed with me. And this is why I built a persona.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Oh man, he was abandoned. He was abused. He was taken advantage of. He was unworthy. He was unlovable. And that was what I believed. And so it's hard to create a meaningful relationship with myself and with another person if that story or narrative or belief was still there for me, which it was unconsciously. So I needed to heal the memories of the past in order to create a healthy relationship with myself and others in the present.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“A challenging, let's say, family dynamic with parents and things like that. And so for years, I was never taught on how to deal with my inner child. I never was taught how to heal the things that I was really wounded as a child. And so having these experiences of intensive emotional intelligence and therapy training on dealing with previous relationships and then in the current relationship was extremely helpful for me. And my therapist said, we got to heal that part of your life that is attached to a memory of a wound. And unless you heal that, you're going to keep repeating certain patterns. And so that's why I have that on there. And I'm actually going to change it to a different period of time in my life when I was about 11 to 12. That's the next phase of growth for me is to actually heal that next stage. So that's why I do it.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“This is, I don't know if you guys, for those watching on YouTube, I don't know if you guys can see this, but this is a photo of myself when I was probably about five years old. And I put it on there a year ago because I was doing some intensive, I would say inner child healing with a therapist I was working on in another relationship that I was ending. I was ending a relationship. And I realized that in relationships in the past, I was repeating a pattern of people pleasing, of saying yes to things that I didn't want to say yes to, of changing and shifting who I authentically was in order to try to please or make someone else happy. And a lot of it came from the dynamics of my childhood, from being sexually abused, from having just”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I knew something was wrong. I knew something was off. Every single day for 25 years, I thought about it. I needed to heal the memories of the past in order to create a healthy relationship with myself and others in the present. The challenge is most men have not been taught how to effectively communicate their guilt, their insecurities, constantly working on yourself is huge in intimacy and relationships with”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Am I doing everything in my power to live the way I want to live? Because if it could be over in a moment, I got to shift my attention to things that really matter.”
2022-04-14 · The Diary of a CEO · The Single Biggest Killer Of Relationships: Lewis Howes · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT