YouSaid · the spoken record

Neil Pasricha

lines on the record: 133
first: 2022-10-18
most recent: 2022-10-18
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“And then the last one is stimulation. This plays directly into the working unit farm straight. We are learning animals. There's a reason this podcast is called the knowledge project. It's popular because people get knowledge, presumably, when they listen to it. So asking yourself, am I learning something new every day? Okay. So add those four things up, story, social, structure, stimulation. Those add up and into a satisfying career. And sometimes you're talking about being untethered from community or being untethered from the connection. Inspect those four S's and see if you're getting them. And if not, can you figure out ways to kind of work those into your career or your day-to-day career?”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“They're part of your personal community. So we've got two story, social, structure, every single week has 168 hours a day. You got 168 hours? I got 168 hours or a buffet has 168 hours. Oprah has 168 hours. You divide it by three, you got three buckets of 56. You're supposed to sleep eight hours a night. Eight times seven is 56. Meaning if you do that, if you actually do that job of sleeping eight hours a night, that's a whole bucket. If you work eight hours a day, that's a whole bucket. Those two buckets pay for justify and create your third and final bucket, which you own. And if you have small kids like we do, maybe that's what that bucket's doing. But if you don't have small kids at home or you're doing something else, maybe that's your gym time. Maybe that's your video game time. Maybe that's your fancy football time, whatever it is. I think that structure is important for people. I don't think it's true that kids need schedules. I think it's through that everybody needs schedules.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Don't necessarily have a best friend at work when there isn't a Tuesday night social or the boss doing an AMA or the CEO having breakfast on Friday for anyone that wants to come. These things create a culture and they're invisible and they cannot be measured on a balance sheet. But when you don't have a place where people are together, you don't have a place where that can occur. So that social connection, we talked about the Daniel Gilbert quote from Dumbly Unhappiness, that's imperative. You have to have a connection to your friends and colleagues have to feel like.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The 4s are you need. Let's start with story. That's the first S. Do you feel part of something bigger than yourself? Do you mentally ascribe to the company's mission or purpose or high-level reason for being? Is that something you can get behind? Is that something you feel attached to? And so let's start with that. You got to have the high level purpose. Then social. You're talking about work from home. And I think we're kind of netting out you and I on the same place on here. It's like there's a reason in a lot of engagement surveys inside big corporations. They ask, do you have a best friend at work? Yes or no? Because they have found that that is correlated with your engagement at the company.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think so completely. I have a model that I call the 4s that I think everybody needs to get out of a job. Oh, tell me about this.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah It's only come from the fact that we noticed that when we don't have date nights for a month or two, then you start having a little bit more arguments or you start. Having, you lose sight of the deep tethering that you have in a place of love and you start becoming transactional and then friction starts to occur. So we think of those dates as an investment in the relationship. And as you say, they take certainly work.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And if the family and the self is really going well, as it often is in the summer when we're really investing in the time of the kids and they're off from school, et cetera, et cetera, but look what's happened up top, you know? We got cash flow problems. So it's just a guidance system.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Bottom right best self is often red, but it's like 12 workouts, 12 cardios, right? Like that kind of stuff, 12 meditations. Like that's my taking care of myself. And then bottom left is best family. This is some of the family contract stuff more than four family dates per month or equal to four, less than or equal to four nights away, right? and the time together. I measure that or four NNOs, four LNOs I put on. And I color these circles on my dashboard each month yellow, green, and red. Have I ever had a month that they're all green? No. But if the top left is all green and the bottom right is all red, well, then guess what I'm telling myself? Next month I need to lean a little bit more into best self. Otherwise, the strong core is going to fall off in six months.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Going to a sushi restaurant if I've never had sushi before, it's just something different for me. I have had sushi before. Bottom left. So those top two things are what I do. Bottom two is how I do it. So bottom left is best family and bottom right is best self.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Month, I'm trying to write one chapter. So on a monthly basis, it doesn't seem like much, but it adds up over time to like whole full books, right? Helps that I'm writing about warm underwear coming out of the dryer and simple stuff like that, right? And then the third one, strong core is for me giving four speeches per month. Okay, so I end up doing about that many speeches per month. That's my strong core. That's the top left. And beside each of those at the end of the month, I just color them in green, yellow, or red. I don't judge myself if they're red, but that's the goal. That's the dashboard. Top right for me is fastest learning. Like you, I like reading books. I have a goal of reading eight books per month. Adds up to two per week. Doing two podcasts per month. They're on about the same schedule. You're showing my show, which you've been kind enough to come on. And then I have one weird activity. I challenge myself from a learning perspective to do something outside of my comfort zone each month. It might be a concert in a faraway land.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Percentage of people who live over 100 is way higher than most other places in the world. They discovered that in Okinawa, they don't have a word for retirement. Instead, they have a word called Ikigai. So you write that in the center. It's kind of like your purpose and it can shift. It can be hitting a deadline. For me, it's helping people live happy lives. For my wife, it might be teaching empathy to kids. She's an elementary school teacher and she's raising our beautiful young kids. But you write that in the center. That's your guiding force. Now, on the top, I've got two boxes. Top left is strong core. This is the stuff that pays your bills, Shane. This is the stuff you gotta do. Shane, this is for me, you know, writing one article, maybe publishing Harvard Business For you or Fast Company or whatever, but submitting an article, like a complete piece of work. That's one thing I want to do every month. Second is writing one chapter, right? Reason I've written 10 books in journals in the last 10 years is because”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So you're driving a car, right? The speed is 60. Are you ever going 60? I mean, maybe if you're on cruise control, but if you're like me, you're a bit below or you're a bit above. The speedometer is giving you an indicator of how to adjust your behavior to better fit into the guidance, right? I think of my life having a dashboard too. Okay, so I draw a picture on a piece of paper at the end of every month. I do this. I have a recurring calendar invite on the last day of every month. So it just says dashboard and I draw it. And it's two by two. And in the center, I draw a circle and I write my icky guy. We talked about Icky Guy last time, IKIGAI. It's the Okinawan term to describe the reason you get out of bed in the morning. And for those that may not be familiar, Okinawa was one of the eight blue zones discovered by Dan Butner and a team of National Geographic Researchers.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I have to just do the hardest thing first. So it's just tackling those three things. I govern myself with a monthly dashboard, which we could talk about if you wanted to separately. But for me, that's how I think about time on kind of an annual weekly and daily basis.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right, get outside, but plan some untouchable time in your week where you cannot be reached. That's super important. Then on a daily basis, and I do believe at a high level, we overestimate how much we can get done in a day and we underestimate how much we can get done in a week, you know. So I write those three things down and I do them the next day in any order that I want to. primarily i try to do the hardest thing first it's the classic squat first at the gym philosophy if you hate squats squat first well if the three things i've written down on the day include writing then i'll probably write first because my ability to start writing at 3 p.m stinks”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right, so I have a philosophy that one day per week you need to be untouchable. That is a way on a weekly basis. The untouchable they can move around, but it can't be deleted. So I have to block that 16 weeks in advance after my speaking calendar is blocked, but before my weekly calendars filled in, right? And people say to me, oh, yeah, I can't do that. You know, you don't know my job. Well, try doing that for lunch. Try at least doing 12 to 1 p.m. Leave the phone on your desk.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We got into hope in running the rest of our lives, right? We have to be connected for us to be, we call it CEO of the family, that's Leslie and CEO of the business. That's me. To do those two roles effectively, we need to be tethered. So this contract is at kind of a yearly level, but it governs our time by month. Then zooming into the week, one thing we touched upon in our last conversation was that I have a philosophy that everybody needs one untouchable day per week. You mentioned that when you were working in corporate style work, you would block the mornings of your calendar.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Four nights away from the house. Four nights maximum for 10 months of the year. July, August for me is blacked out. That's 40 nights away from my house, about 10% of the year, maximum. Then we have to have four family days per month. A family day for us, Shane, is a day where it's my wife Leslie, me, our kids, and nothing else. No interruptions, no screens, no phones, no birthday parties, no visiting-in-laws. It's just our family. We call that a family day and we have to four per month. The reason it's not at a weekly level yet is because if I'm traveling one week, we can get to the next week or whatever. Okay. Then we have four NNOs and LNOs a month. Okay, I'm Neil.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, let's zoom up a level first. Let's talk year, let's talk week, and then let's talk day. Because for me and Leslie, I am a really big believer in family contracts. And when I say family contracts, people like back off, they get worried. They think I'm talking prenuptials and stuff like this. No, I'm just saying here we are sitting here today. Most people listening to this will have a contract, a written contract in place with their employer of sorts. Here's the terms of your working relationship. But when we sign that contract with our employer, we don't go home and say, okay, honey, okay, partner, love of my life, mom I'm living with, roommate I take care of, whatever it is, let's come up with the terms for our life. And so Lessie and I, whatever throughout my career shade, I have changed jobs and now I'm self-employed, but I'm talking really the 10 years I was working at Walmart, we come home and we sit down and we say, what works for us? So how do I design my day? Zoom up a level. We say, okay, Neil, you can go away four nights per month.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I make sure, so the exercise of two minute mornings I do first, and then I think of that focus as a one item checklist that I love crossing off before the next morning. But I don't beat myself up. And if I happen to not do it, that will probably become my focus for the next day, right? So how do you...”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“How often do you drive around with a little dash light on your car that's telling you to get an oil change and you let it go? But that sitting subconsciously in your head. So often I use that focus to get something off my brain that I know will be sitting subconsciously in there otherwise. And it could be something small. It could be a loved one that you haven't called in a while. It could be special time with a child that you feel a little bit more distance from, maybe because you've been busy working for the past week. So you want you say, hey, I need to, you know, do a puzzle or play guitar or something with my oldest son because we're having a little spats and it's because we aren't connected. So I use the focus as a way to prioritize not necessarily my work, but something that I think otherwise wouldn't get any focus because it would fall away as it has been until I write it down”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Now I'm lost. So I think that we are seeing a dramatic shrinking in focus. And part of the reason I outlined at the top of my day one thing I'm going to focus on is because it helps force me to carve away all the would do, should, do, could do things and come up with one thing I will do. And I will honestly tell you that some people will look at me and say, okay, Neil, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, yours is probably like, you know, write a chapter or give a speech or whatever. Honestly, Shane, often when I'm writing that on my focus on thing is the thorn in my side. I'm writing down the thing that is the most subtly aggravating to me if I don't do it. I'm talking like book the dentist appointment.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Notification away from the thing that we want to focus on into the thing that they want us to focus on. And that's a huge problem because how many times you look at your phone and you're like, why did I pick this up again? Or you're in your email and you get out of your email 20 minutes later and you're like, wait, I came into my inbox to compose a new message. All I've done is”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Absolutely. You've probably heard and read the studies about how our attention spans are shrinking to that of goldfish levels, you know. And there's some studies that have come out and said, you know, we're spending 31% of our time to date bookmarking, prioritizing, and switching between tasks as opposed to actually doing things. People sometimes say to me, say, like, why does that even mean book? I was like, have you ever, you know, turned on Netflix at 930 at night and you call your partner downstairs, you're like, hey, let's see, let's see if we can watch a Netflix or something before we go to bed, right? And your partner's like, yeah, yeah, sure. Well, then like, what are you doing at 10? If you're like Leslie and I, you're on Rotten Tomatoes looking at scores. You're on YouTube looking at trailers and you have not picked anything and you realize it's too late to start. And we're doing that kind of stuff all the time. So we're falling into the traps. And look, all the apps and algorithms are designed to hook our attention. So they're constantly pulling us through text alerts.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Pen, piece of paper, or that yellow journal right behind you, and I simply write down three statements that pull anxiety out of me, right? They are I will let go of, I am grateful for, and I will focus on those three statements act as a two-minute investment in lowering my anxiety and helping me enter the day from a less jolted place than if I was waking up and looking at my phone. So I can go through the research on each of those statements, you know, if you want to, but really it's a two-minute investment and a thousand waking minute day towards level setting your mental health before you begin the day.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, there's a lot there. Anxiety, resilience. And you and I were talking before we started recording about how both of us can feel anxious at times. I believe it's 18% of people will say that they have a form of anxiety. I mentioned in college students it's even higher, one in three. I know for me, like before I go to bed chain, honestly, what I do is I grab a cue card on my downstairs table before I up to bed and I grab a marker and I force myself to just simply make a prioritized list of three things I'm going to do the next day. So like in my pocket right now as I sit here, I have like the thing I wrote for today, right? Like go to the gym, right? That's my basement, have lunch with my publicist and have this podcast with you. There's three. And that's all I can do. I force it to down to three. I leave it on the downstairs table and then when I go to bed at night and when I come downstairs the next morning I put it in my pocket. And that somehow manages to relieve some anxiety the night before. In the morning, when I wake up, I don't think we talked about this last time. I do a two minute morning practice. So I grab a”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think some researchers would say yes. You know, Jonathan Haight had written that cover story in the Atlantic recently on how social media has fracturing the mortar of society. And he puts in it some basic ideas that you think would become law by now, which is why is the minimum wage of social media 12? Why is it not 16, right? Why aren't the social media essentially tools, right? They're as baked into our society as water and power. Why don't they force breaks or interrupt your endless doom scrolling? So I think there's a real argument to be made, and I'm citing some of the stuff from the coddling of the American mind.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If you were lucky enough to have a bubble and if you were lucky enough to be bubbling with, you know, you've got kids, you've got a staff that you work with at Farnham Street, you have places that you are connecting with people. Not everybody has that. And so we turn to our devices, we turn to our screens, and we get there. What we get there masquerades as deeper social connection than it naturally is. So what we are calling friends and what we are calling likes and what we were calling comments, you know, our brains are looking for a deeper connection than I think we can find online. And there's a lot of research to support that. The classic being, how do you feel after spending an hour on social media?”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Daniel Gilbert wrote one of the foundational books on positive psychology, Stumbling on Happiness, which I'm sure is on this giant bookshelf find somewhere. And in it, he has a wonderful quote, which is this. If I can know everything there is to know about you, your gender, your nationality, your religion, your health, almost all of it falls away in the face of the strength of your relationships with your friends and family. And I think if we wanted to put a little pinpoint on what the pandemic has really done for a lot of us, it's just that We aren't as connected and we haven't been able to be as connected with our friends and family, and that has taken a huge emotional and psychological toll on us.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's over decades, but very high rates of loneliness. He says that that's the next big epidemic coming. And when the Surgeon General announces a future epidemic, they're usually on point, right? It's like obesity and AIDS and loneliness. And lastly, suicide. The CDC is now saying that suicide rates are around 14 per 100,000 just to compare murder rates are around 6 per 100,000. So we are two to three times more dangerous to ourselves than anybody else is to us. The CDC says they have not seen murder, not murder rates, suicide rates this high since World War II. So how are we doing unhappiness at a high level using some of those indicators? The answer would be not great.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Almost every indicator is ratcheted up or talking anxiety, I'm talking depression, I'm talking loneliness, I'm talking suicide. Start with anxiety. You know, we're now hearing that one in three college students have clinical anxiety. A lot of work is coming out from Gene Twengate, San Diego State University, Jonathan Height, who I know has been on the knowledge project talking about the massive increases in anxiety, especially amongst teens, especially amongst teen girls. So anxiety is ratcheting up. We've been more clinging to our phones over the pandemic. We've been sequestered and we're communicating that way. Depression rates, also spiking National Institute of Mental Health says that 43% of us are now saying that we have a form of depression that's like almost half of us, Shane. That's high loneliness, surgeon general Vivek Murthy in the United States has written an HBR cover story talking about how our loneliness rates have doubled. That's not just over the pandemic.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The guy that had the most wins, Sa You Young, was also the guy that had the most losses, Sa Young. You hear this story all the time in the news media, which is Tom Brady has the most completions. He just played the longest. He just took more pictures. He also has the most incompletions. You know, this guy's got the most. He's also got the most Super Bowl losses, you know, and so the philosophy I think that we've all experienced through the pandemic is we just took another pretty big picture. We just had another major life experience. All of us did. Those that are alive right now listening to this have had a major life experience. Add that to the camera roll of your life. And if you want to increase your resilience further, take more pictures. What in your life do you take more pictures in?”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Have you ever talked to a wedding photographer and you say to them, holy cow, like I was at that wedding too. How'd you get 50 amazing shots of like me and the bride or the bride and the groom or the groom and the groom, whatever, whatever. And they're like, oh, I took a thousand. Did you hear me clicking like the whole four hours? Click, click, click. I took like a thousand, two thousand pictures. Of course I'm going to have 50 good ones. Whenever I've had that sort of apocryphal kind of story happen over and over again, it makes me think of when I was a kid, Shane, and my dad got me a book of baseball statistics. And as a baseball fan pre-internet, as a kid, we're the same age, this book of statistics is like you could spend days in this thing. But I started noticing something interesting, which is this. The guy that had the most strikeouts, Nolan Ryan, was also the guy that had the most walks.”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“One of the models I've been using with my kids a lot these days on cultivating resilience, and I think you might find this interesting, is the philosophy of take more pictures. Is the philosophy of take more pictures? And so”
2022-10-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Neil Pasricha: Simple Rules for Happiness · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT