YouSaid · the spoken record

Paul Brunson

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2025-01-30
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2025-01-30
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  1. “I love how that question was posed because it focused on the lesson. from that moment. And it's interesting because I've thought about that moment many times, but I've never thought about the lesson until this question. And so it's empowering to look at it from that perspective”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  2. “But you know what? Every day I got back out on that bus. And a lot of the times that he was smashing my head, it was because I would say something to him as he was walking out, or he would be outside and I never forget like he would walk off the bus and I would still flick him off, right? And he would get back on the bus, smash my head in the next day. I hit him again, and I learned how resilient I am. I'm a resilient guy, resilient, right? I keep, you push me down, I get right back up. Maybe not immediately, but I'm definitely getting back up. And so that was what I learned. And that was without having, you know, my parents involved. That was just me.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  3. “Right away. When you said 10 to 13, I zeroed in to me. New York, in Long Island. on a school bus, getting my head smashed in. So I was, our family was one of the first black families to move into this all-Italian neighborhood in Long Island, New York There were a lot of people who you would put into the bully category. And there was one person in particular that really Was trying to get to me. And time after time, he would taunt me. He would say certain things. He had control. He was like the bully of the bus. And I had no friends on this bus. And he would literally sometimes like smash my head into the glass as he was walking out. And the bus driver would look and never stop, never say anything. And I remember that.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  4. “So that level of overtness in your jealousy, I would say, is dangerous. And it speaks to your insecurities. And this is why I always say like, because that goes to doubts in the relationship. And, you know, there are healthy doubts. If the question is around growth of the relationship, that's healthy. If it is about a fear based on an insecurity. That's unhealthy.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  5. “And part of that is what the script that's been handed to us, and we talked about religion having an impact on this. And we have to normalize these conversations because when we do, we'll have higher satisfaction because we'll realize that you turn around and say, oh my God, like my partner does this too. You know what I mean? So it's incredibly important for us to normalize this concept around having a level of attraction outside of our partner.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  6. “You know, this is why I think it's so important we have to normalize. It almost goes back to normalizing being attracted. We have to normalize this because with an attraction there is emotional, there's physical and there's sexual attraction and we have to understand that this is a part of being human. This is what we've been given and the reason why, one reason why that we hide it is because society likes to shame us and say, oh no, once you found your partner you should never have eyes for anyone else.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  7. “So watching on your own. Without your partner having any awareness of that. For many people, that would be, or I believe many people would consider that.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  8. “Well, long story short is it depends on who you ask. Most people that I talk to qualify that as infidelity if you're not disclosing to your partner that's your doing it. So if you were out here on OnlyFans or of a full pornographic site and you do not disclose to your partner that this is something that you do, that's infidelity. That's cheating, right? If it's something that you disclose and you have a conversation about, then clearly it's not, right? So for some people, they will say that still it is. In my opinion, if you are not disclosing that to your partner, it is.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  9. “What you consider to be something profound and special with your partner, they believe it's profound and special. And in particular, they want to fight and you have an awareness for how special it is. Go see a professional because seeing a professional literally can put you back on track to have a phenomenal relationship.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  10. “Or at least it doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be. I've referred to the Gottmans a lot, and I think the reason why is because they really did, starting in the 1970s, change. couples therapy where couples therapy primarily between like the 1950s and 70s was about these interventions when your relationship was doomed and But they also spend a lot of time in what I call these existential issues like cheating. And from their research, they show that 70% of people who go through their process can end up having a higher level of satisfaction. The key, though, is around the ability to truly forgive your partner. And what I say all the time with infidelity, whether it may be emotional infidelity or physical infidelity, is go see a professional first, especially if you've built”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  11. “to the images. What do you think happens? The group that didn't sleep, that didn't rest, that didn't get regulated, they report a much higher level of distress around the images. The group that is reporting back that had sleep, they're regulated, they're able to look at the images differently. It's the same image, but they're not as distressed. The point here is that the best thing that we can do to give ourselves regulation is a cooling off period. Sleep on it.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  12. “Whenever people say, oh, we got into disagreement, just make up before bed, I think that is some of the most disastrous advice you can have. Why? Because you're going to be like you just get into an argument. You're going to be entirely distressed, entirely distressed. And then what kind of response are you going to give? You're going to give the worst qualitative response that you can. Will you reconcile what's happening? Absolutely not. A profound study around this. Researchers divided two groups of people. One group, they showed distressing images to. Terrible images. Terrible, right? And the other group, they showed the same images. However, the second group was allowed to sleep for eight hours. At the end of eight hours, so group one can't sleep, group two, saw the distressing images, they can sleep. At the end of the eight hours, they then track the reaction.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  13. “This is perhaps the most believed myth We always hear this. Just apologize. And it's not just in romantic relationships. You know, I noticed this all the time when I was in school, when I was younger, is if there was a disagreement or an argument, the teacher would say, just apologize, right? I played football, American football. And, you know, the coach would say, just, you know, just swipe it. Just make up. And you think about that. If you appear to be in harmony, you have a great relationship. But we know that's a falsehood. In actuality, the key is that if you are able to fully manage what is happening, be aware, acknowledge, make adjustments around the conflict, then at that point you are living in a true harmonious relationship and a healthy relationship.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  14. “Now, when a bid comes through, we know Godmans talk about this all the time, when the bid comes through is it's important to affirm the bid. But this is a great opportunity to discuss what affirming a bid is. You know, what would in that moment, what would have been enough for her to feel reassured? Have that conversation. Maybe she would have said right before you picked up the headphones a hug or a kiss on the cheek would have been great. I would be good, right? And so to be aware of what it means to be reaffirmed is so important. Or should I say affirmed is so important. So in this case, if I were you, I would apologize. And do that investigation around what affirming means. Because everyone needs to be affirmed differently”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  15. “So as a result of their not being enough She's checking in for the reassurance. So being aware of those two things, the fact that she has an anxious attachment, she's developing secure, but she has anxious. So her threshold is higher for the need or lower for the need. And you may not have given enough emotional occurrency early on. It makes sense to me that she would kind of check in and there would be a bid. Now, given the fact that you had down your focus, you acknowledge the bid and you specifically said you chose to ignore the bid.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  16. “Well, you know what? Healing is continual. The question though is can she get to a place of being secure? Absolutely. To many people. So she's in the process of evolving into secure. So while she's evolving into secure, you have to give her that benefit of the doubt that she's going to need a little bit more on the reassurance front. That's one. Secondly is if you did sit her down, you explained all these things, what also could be the case, I'm not saying this is. But what also could be the case is that there's not enough emotional deposits that she currently has in the account”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  17. “When we're having these conversations so that I'm not interrupting you, right? So this is the kind of what I call arc method. But the idea is to make it effective is to acknowledge what happened, be remorseful for the emotional impact. That's the key, and that's where I wanted to come with yours and then see is what's your commitment for the future. That makes it a comprehensive apology. So in your situation, perhaps what you did objectively, you would do in the future. But you are remorseful for how it made her feel.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  18. “So for example I am sorry that I interrupted you. Genuinely sorry, right? I'm sorry that I interrupted you. Two is remorseful. And I apologize for the fact that you may feel undervalued or not listened to as a result. That's the remorse. And then the C is the commitment. And in the future, I'm going to try to pay more attention.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  19. “You're doing it only when it's sincere, but how we're doing it is very important. So in the research that I found, only 50% of apologies are actually effective. What constitutes an effective apology? There's a system that I've created called ARC, okay, A, acknowledge. Acknowledge what happened.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  20. “I don't think that's apology worthy to forget to take it out, but I realize that's my threshold. But to my wife, that is a, I mean, there's World War III and there's not taking out the rubbish. So that's a major issue. So her threshold level is different. So part of what I learned in investigating this chapter is for us to be so in tune with our partner that we understand what their threshold is and we meet them at it.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  21. “You only apologize like every other month. So she's saying that I apologize about six times to her per year. And I was thinking, oh, this is terrible because the data shows the most successful partnerships. There's an apology every week on average, once a week. And what I realized in the trap that I fell into, and I think a lot of men fall into this, is the threshold in which we believe we should be apologizing. So something will happen in the relationship. And I'll think what I need to apologize for that. It's just like it is what it is. You know, so for example, I mean, the trash is always a big issue in my household, right? So I'm supposed to take the rubbish out or take the trash out. And sometimes I forget, okay, I forget.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  22. “All right, so here's what the research shows. And this is, well, I will say this. When I was writing the book, I was writing a chapter on apologies. And I go to Jill and I say, Jill, how many times a month do you think I apologize to you? And she's like,”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  23. “Yes, almost trying to win. So one is, I love that quote. I love Our ability to, and I say, you know, I'm careful with using the word management now as opposed to resolve given the research from the Gottmans around how 69% of these issues won't be resolved, but managing the conflict. There's two ways that we typically try to manage it. One is we try to win the argument. That is the route that is always going to lead to a low level of satisfaction. The other route is to try to gain understanding about why your partner thought that. So it's just simply, I just want to understand, right?”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  24. “So boom. You know, your partner. Is working through trauma around jealousy. Is it do you run home and say so and so sent me this message? Probably not, right? So selective disclosure means that you're taking into consideration the relevance of the information, their boundaries, their emotions, et cetera. It truly is a concept that I believe will help to increase satisfaction and lower conflict in your relationship.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  25. “Okay, so once again, it depends what your partner's boundaries are, right? So you've discussed these boundaries. You know all these things. But just generalizing, I'll give an example. Your partner always leaves the cap off the toothpaste always it annoys you. It annoys you, right? It annoys you. However, you know your partner is going through a lot of stress at work. They're working on a new project. Is it the right time to bring up the fact that the children Cap annoys you? Probably not probably not. Here's a juicier one. Slides into your DMs. Wants to congratulate you. And it's platonic, it's congratulations. You respond back. You. That's it. Nothing more.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  26. “They haven't killed each other, but the group that had selective disclosure has higher satisfaction, less conflict, more autonomy in their relationship. So it's very important to know that what I say secret is I'm saying you have to selectively decide, and I think selective disclosure is a concept we should spend more time thinking about.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  27. “The future of your relationship that is timely and the tone is very important, how it's delivered. That's selective disclosure. So this group was told to do that. What do you think happens at the end of the result of the experiment? Everyone in the transparent group, they've killed each other”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  28. “So many people are like don't say that this is crazy what you're saying. There are quite a few studies on a concept called selective disclosure. And a matter of fact, one of, I think, the most provocative, compelling studies on selective disclosure looked at many, many couples. And one couple one group was told to be entirely transparent to your partner. So tell them everything, every issue, every concern that pops into your mind, tell them, right? That's full transparency. Then the other was selective disclosure. Now, what is selective disclosure? There are rules to selective disclosure. One is that you share information that's relevant, right? You share information that considers their emotions, information that considers their boundaries. Information that acknowledges”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  29. “It is. And it is a continuum. It never ends. And to your point is this is the work. The work is that mental energy. That you had to go through. You were doing this, I think Dr. Julie Smith talks about it, metacognition is really what you're doing. Having the thought about the thought. And that It's”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  30. “When you want to. So you end up seeing many anxious and avoidance come together. And it's important to recognize that. So you've already recognized this, which is half the battle is the awareness. Now you can begin to develop the tools to become more secure. The work”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  31. “And they're there for you sometimes, but they can't be there for you all the time. And then you have avoidant. Avoidant is when the caregiver wasn't there. So you had to learn to self-soothe. You end up seeing a large number of very successful business people are. Why? Because they've learned to be self reliant. Anxious? Tend to be more of what feels to be needy, right? Secure, I'm okay. I'm okay by myself. Now, why do anxious and avoidance end up matching? Because the anxious feels comfortable in pursuit. That's our because that's our disposition. And I think I'm earning more of a secure, but my natural inclination is that I'm comfortable in pursuit. An avoidant is comfortable being pursued. Because you have an opportunity to connect but then create the distance.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  32. “Sure, sure. So out of Mary Ainsworth and John Bullby research, which Bolby from the UK, Ainsworth from Canada, the whole idea was something called the Strange Situations Test, which examined the relationship that we have with our first caregivers. And those who had a secure attachment is where your caregiver was really always there for you. So in your time of need, your caregiver was always there to be of support. Anxious, which a large percentage of the population is anxious, anxious is where your caregiver was there sometimes. Other times they weren't. This is very prevalent in immigration communities first, second generation, especially second generation immigrants where your parent was working. You know, they're out hustling multiple jobs.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  33. “Yeah, so those are the two that end up matching. And it's very important to work for you both to work on an earned secure. One of the best ways to do that is to surround yourself with couples who are secure.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  34. “Maybe the one is not working today, and therefore you don't get charged up. But if you're getting charged eight different sources, it hires the likelihood of you being charged up to live your best life.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  35. “My family and even outside of my social circle that I was building here, that is entirely different, right? It's a different group of people. It's a group of people who I had not come across in my walks of life, who I love and adore and learn so much from. And I have a sense of enjoyment. And because I have a sense of enjoyment there, I begin to have more purpose in my life. I begin to have more joy in my life. And the more joyful I am about my entire life, I can bring that to my relationship and help to boost that relationship. And so it's almost like, you know, if you think about if you're an electrical battery, right, and you're charging and you are the battery, how wonderful would it be to be able to get a charge from eight sources?”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  36. “into my wife and my family. And the issue is that, and this is what happens with so many people, is that I had no other confidence in my life. I had distanced myself from almost everyone. And the issue from that is then I'm bringing no value into the relationship because I have no other relationships. That's ultimately what that means is when you have other relationships, when you have other friendship circles, you're learning new things. You're bringing novelty into your relationship. You are adding spice to your relationship. I wasn't doing any of that. That continued for quite some time. This is one of the reasons why I got involved with football here is that being involved now with a football team in England has allowed me an outlet outside of...”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  37. “The spice can, but there are other, I think, more challenging issues that can arise. And I'll give you my example because I fell into this, right? So I reached a point in my marriage where my wife was everything to me. She was my co-founder. We were running a matchmaking agency. We spent nearly all of our time together. We were co-parents, right? We were, if I had a business question, a platonic question, a romantic question, I would go to her. It got to the point where I saw myself disconnecting from my social circle. I used to go to, I had season tickets to watch basketball. I would stop doing that. I stopped watching my NFL football on the weekends because it was just spending time with, you know, with Jill and the boys. And I realized very quickly that what was happening is I was investing every”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  38. “If they are everything, we set ourselves up with a very high stakes relationship. Because the moment that they don't become everything, they could be 99% of it.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  39. “Yes, she's very good. So the 30 second hug, I talk about the six second kiss, and so many people respond back. Well, if I gave my husband a 30-second kiss, he'd think that sex is at the end of that. No, we need to normalize these things. That's putting emotional deposits into our partner. So then once it's built up, then you could go make your withdrawal, right? And so, yeah, sex needs to be looked at, I think, more and more from the standpoint of responsive and spontaneous desire.”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  40. “I want to make a withdrawal. There's nothing there. You're getting nothing. Literally, you're getting nothing. However, if you are placing deposits in. What is that? That is, I just wanted to send you a text to tell you how much I do love you. I appreciate how well you take care of the kids. Can't wait for us to have date night tonight, you know, just to watch the movie and have wine, right? These deposits hugs, kisses with no requirement of sex. You know, I often talk about a 30 second hug and I gave you a 30 second hug once. Don't you look happy about that?”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  41. “Much Whereas as women get older typically, They require responsive desire. What is responsive desire? They want some emotional connection, some emotional occurrency. They want some safety. They want a conversation and not just one, but they want to have a buildup of that emotional currency in order for them to have a responsive desire to the sex, in order to have sex. There's different desires when you talk about sex. And I think that more discussion needs to be had around responsive desire and the importance of building what Dr. Karen Gurney talks about is as emotional currency to build up that connection with your partner. So it's almost emotional currency is almost like putting deposits in the bank account, right? If there's an empty sexual bank account and you just go to your partner and you say, I want to have sex, in other words,”

    2025-01-30 · The Diary of a CEO · Paul Brunson: Women Need To Lower Their Standards! If They Have These 3 Traits, Never Let Them Go! If You Get Sick, There’s A 624% Chance He’ll Leave! · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  42. “Yes, there are significant percentage of people that are like that, especially as we get older. You have couples in their eighties who've now reached a point where the desire for sex is not there. Maybe it's once a year. And I know everyone in their 20s, 30s, 40s, even 50s, you're like, oh my gosh, once a year, this is crazy. But if you have a couple, you know, there are two different desires here. One is called a spontaneous desire and one is called a responsive desire. Now there is a gender difference here. Most men, even if you look through the ages, all the way up to 60s, 70s, they have what's called a spontaneous desire, which means that they are ready 24-7. They could just go. They need no emotional turn on in order to have sex.”

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  43. “No. Now Here's the investigation of that. Studies show that couples who have a high level of satisfaction in their relationship, they have a high amount of sex. But it's not as a result of the sex that gives them the high satisfaction. It's the high satisfaction that gives them the high amount of sex. So the challenge is that we have to reframe and we have to stop thinking that just because we're having a lot of sex, it doesn't mean that we have a great relationship. I see this happen all the time, especially on married at first sight. A couple sits down. The first thing they say is, oh, Paul, I don't need any help. We're having sex like rabbits. First of all, lions have much more sex than rabbits. Secondly, is that doesn't mean you have a great relationship. The fact that you're having lots of sex, it tells me nothing.”

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  44. “Know what's wild is I've already started talking to Kingston about this because we work out together on the weekends and I'm shocked at how strong he's getting. He's 14 The time I tell him Kingston King, surround yourself with great people. That's it. Surround yourself. Put yourself in proximity to people who have healthy relationships, to people who have high satisfaction in their relationships. It's no different than in business. You want to succeed. Surround yourself with folks who are succeeding in business. You surround yourself with those people. And what you begin to do is you begin to observe their habits. You see their skills. You adopt their habits. You adopt their skills. You understand where the boundaries should be. What is a healthy doubt? What is an unhealthy doubt? You learn all of these behaviors by simply surrounding yourself with good people. This is the key.”

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  45. “The top, the Gottmans, they talk about how 69% of problems in a relationship will never be resolved. 69% never be resolved. That's scary. That's scary. What does that mean? That means that you have to learn how to manage it. So that means that you have to have a partner who has superior conflict management skills, and so do you. If your partner doesn't have that, you are in for a world of hurt. Wouldn't it be great to have determine that before you decide to have a child with someone? Because once you have a child, the level of conflict is going through the roof.”

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  46. “Yes, and that's why it's so important for us to Spend more time determining whether or not we feel like we have the right partner. Before we decide to commit to them, before we decided to have children with them, which is a massive decision, before we decide to move house or move into a house. Our partner Our partner is often life or death for us, the selection of our partner. The selection of our partner is I truly believe the most important decision that we will have because of all these things that it dictates that we've talked about. So having more emphasis on who that partner is and the dialogue up front is so incredibly important. You know, you think about this. It's like,”

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  47. “Years, you know, but I will say this, and this goes back to the investment theory, the more that we invested in the pursuit of having children, the more the desire increased and then now the level of cherishing our boys is on a whole nother, I think because of that experience is on a whole nother level.”

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  48. “Absolutely. You feel like the script that I felt was handed to me, and this was a script, is that You're a man. And if you can't have a child, you're not a man. That was the script. That was literally, I remember being at the barbershop, right? When I had hair. When I used to go to the barbershop. And that was the idea. You'd have the guy who's like, I've got eight kids. Know and as a result, I'm the manliest man in the room. And I would leave thinking, I can't even have a child. What's the issue? And then you begin to think, okay, you know, What are all the factors? And you begin to go through the test and you begin to your point, and you've already done this, is you see there's a multitude of issues. And for some people, They're incredibly fertile and it takes Boom, pregnant eight times. But for others, and I'm in the others, it takes”

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  49. “So, quite honestly, we had been trying, so we got married when I was 25, right? We Started trying shortly thereafter because I've always wanted to be a father, always. And so very quickly after we got married, we thought. Children is us will have it. And it just doesn't happen that way. And what we began to see is that one of the challenges around the stress of the we had in our lives and how we were unhealthy as a result of the stress and the impact that was having on our inability to have children”

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  50. “Yeah, yeah, I mean, yeah, this is the thing is everyone's like, well, how old are you? What a lot of people don't realize is this year 50.”

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