YouSaid · the spoken record

Sheryl Sandberg

lines on the record: 124
first: 2017-05-08
most recent: 2017-05-08
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“And I think I'm trying to live the lessons of my own book, which I do sometimes, and I fail sometimes, which are to appreciate every day Before Dave died, I never thought about it. Of course, Dave would turn 15. No one makes jokes around me about growing old. I will never make another joke, oh, I'm growing old because. Not everyone gets to. That's a gift. And I want to find that appreciation as much as I can every day and appreciate it.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think Mark and I have a really special partnership, and I think we have a lot to do to build community to make sure people are safe, to make sure people are getting the information they should have on Facebook. And I'm really excited about the next many years, hopefully in this job as long as Mark will have me.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I am part of the policy discussion. I'm certainly using my voice as loudly as I can in making my public policy positions clearer and clearer. I am talking not just to broad groups and book events about option B, but to groups of CEOs. And why I think this is important, you know, why I think lean in circles in your company are important, why I think your leadership on getting diversity into leadership matters, and why I think the way we treat our employees, the day after we launch our bereavement leave, I got an email from Lori Gohler, or head of... HR, who you know, and it said what do, and it had four companies X, X, XX, and X have in common. And then I opened the email and it said, they all called me to figure out what our bereavement leave was to be. That's good”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“One child is young, one child on the way, it's easier to do it now. I told him in Priscilla than it is later when your kids are in school. And so he wants a chance to talk to the people who use Facebook. See how we're impacting lives, and I think he takes that responsibility really, really seriously.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Running every day and reading books. I mean, the challenges he takes on are inspiring and amazing. And I just don't know how he does it, but he does it and does them well. And he's always wanted to do this.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Mark and I aren't running for office. Mark and I aren't traveling and meeting people and talking to people, and I'm glad for what he's done. And I think”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I'm going to ask the political question though. Mark's been visiting livestock all across the country and keeps petting calves everywhere he goes. People talk about you and you and I have talked about the political. Do you all need to get into political life? People in Silicon Valley and others because there's a lot of stuff here that should be replicated or could be replicated. Or can you do it from a corporate place?”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Last question. You know, Mark just wrote this essay about community. It's a little bit about that. He finally got to the point where, yes, perhaps Facebook has a role in it. It's something I've been, you know, I've been sort of screaming in Silicon Valley about growing up and taking responsibility. Now, they do have nice things for their employees. They have food and parking. And, you know, it's like, as I said, San Francisco's assisted living for millennials. But it's true, and Facebook is ridiculous when you think about it. Never thought about that. Like, I'm waiting to get the massage when I leave here. You know, he talked about that, but part of it is not getting it out to everyone. Do you imagine...”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Minorities against women, you're going to outperform. If you're the company that takes care of your employees They are going to be more loyal, and you will have better teams, more cohesion, more mission alignment. It's the right thing to do, but it is also good for the company. And I think we have to make that case because that's why companies are going to do it”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But if you can work better with 50% of the population, Going to get better results. So, if you're the one who doesn't have the implicit biases or recognizes your biases against.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No, you're right. So irritating. I definitely started out with this is the right thing to do Know then I got to, and it's a smart thing to do, right?”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And then at a personal level, do we ask people how they are? Do we care? Do we build them up? Do we acknowledge that someone's going through cancer? Do we acknowledge that someone lost a child? And when we do that, does it make us better?”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, you start at the policy level, then you obviously the public policy level because companies won't catch everyone, not everyone works, and not everyone works at a company that will do the right thing.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So let's start at the policy level. If you're in a company, the right policies, the right policies for people to support them, whatever they're going through, maternity, paternity, family medical leave, taking care of a sick child. Right policies for companies when someone dies, what happens to the spouse? Someone posted into one of the groups. My husband's company caught me off twenty four hours. One of my family members, who's a doctor, had a child who was in treatment, and her husband died in a freak accident and they lost their healthcare. Mean, that's not okay. Both at a corporate policy level and a public policy level, we have a responsibility to take care of people, and that includes their families.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That bossi is a word we use for girls. That is a cultural problem And a lot of the issues we're dealing with option B. One of the people who interviewed me for the book, her first question was she said, well, everyone dies and everyone knows someone who's died. Why can't we talk about it? And I just looked at her like, I don't know. But we need to talk about it.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, we had this catchy title Ban Bossy, but you're right. We didn't mean to ban the word. Right. We weren't trying to write a city ordinance. We were trying to explain to people”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“People think hunger looks the way they think it looks in developing countries. Here it often looks different, but it is just as real. And one of the directors said we have a huge need to meet. But he said, But let's take a minute to recognize that it is a lot better than it was before free lunches. And so. Know it feels like the times are very violent. But I think most statistics tell us that violent crime is actually down, not up. And so. We have to look at the problem squarely and we have to not be willing to take on culture. We take on the culture that tells little girls they're bossy, they're not bossy, they're future leaders. We take on the culture that tells people not to cry at work.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, it certainly feels more divisive. Than it ever has certainly in my lifetime, but it was interesting at the food bank meeting we were talking about the huge problem of hunger and it is a huge problem in this country and people don't understand it”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And it's the tenure anniversary. That is a community that builds No one should go through it alone. It doesn't matter where in the country you live. What do people deserve we deserve a great education? We deserve to have our basic needs met. I met this past week with the directors of all the California food banks. One in three children in California faces food insecurity. The wealthiest country in the world that's completely unacceptable And so people deserve to have their basic needs and wants taken care of and also the support they need. And that should be true everywhere in the country.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I think everyone deserves support. We build resilience in our communities. There's a chapter in the book on collective resilience, resilience in communities. I'm giving the Virginia Tech graduation speech.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Citizens, basic things wrong with our culture. We do not encourage women to lead. We do not encourage men to be emotional. We think people can leave their personal lives at home. We don't provide the support. These are cultural problems. And the only thing I know to do is to keep talking about them and make it louder and make it something we can do.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I made a mistake. He's like, yeah, you would have made that mistake before. Was really reassuring and he kept telling me I was adding value. And so now when someone's going through something, I give them time off, but if they want to be back in there, like, no, I need to be here. You know, my husband died. I do not want to be at home. I want to be here. Please let me work. Some people will feel that way, telling them you made a good point. You did a good job, not just take time off if you need it. Both are important. But you did a good job.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And what marked it is he said, Do you want time off? But then he said, But I thought you made a good point in that meeting. He said when I fell asleep in a meeting.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Look, I wrote openly in Lean In about the times I struggled with self-confidence. I wrote a whole book on it. I did research. I ran around the world building up other women's self-confidence. And you say something enough, you learn it yourself. So by the time Dave died, I was in a pretty good place And then it was gone like this, just flat in minutes.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I thought I couldn't contribute. How could I contribute when I was barely able to get through a meeting? And so when people said, well, how could you help given all you're going through? It was telling me what I knew, which is I was not going to be able to do my job. I was useless. And it really trashed my self-confidence further.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I think culturally there was like a long thing of what's professional and what's personal in this false division. But I think that division is long gone. I also realized how much we have to do to not just give people the time off they need. That's the first thing to do, but also welcome them back. There was, you know, before I lost Dave, if someone was going through something hard, I would say how much time off do you want? Do you want those projects taken off you? But that's it. I wouldn't say anything else because I thought I was putting pressure on them So people did that to me. They said, Oh, how could you when I came back? How could you focus given all you're going through? Or we don't really expect you to be able to contribute? The problem was that losing Dave really trashed my self confidence even after writing Lean In.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's right, and that's why part of what we're doing with option B is we're trying to talk to people who are setting the culture, you know, to the other people who are running companies like Mark, but don't have Marx, I think, natural understanding of what it means to be a colleague. Because if we can be, we spend more time at work. If you work full-time and you take out your sleeping hours. I'm pretty sure we spend as much time or more time at work than we do at home, right? It spends how much you sleep. Yeah, we do. And so supporting each other there.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Know we're hiding things, you know. When my child is really sick and might die, just these horrible things are happening. They are part of who we are, and it takes more effort in some ways to hide them than it does to share them. And so making a workplace where we welcome people who they are and we are able to talk and not put the elephant in the room and be there I think is hugely important.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, but more people hide things, I think, than do that. More people are hiding, and I'm going through something really hard, or I didn't want to tell anyone I just had a cancer diagnosis because.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I do think we can't leave our emotions at home, and that doesn't mean you want to walk around talking about yourself with tissues all day.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well now they're twenty days for immediate family member and ten days for an extended family member Like a spouse or a child or a grandparent. Before Dave died, they were 10 and 5, which is still very generous. Most people don't get paid time off and if they do, it's three days. Was a father who posted that his company gave a month of paternity leave, but to welcome that child but three days to bury that child. It's very short sighted, I think, of companies. I think when we give our best to our employees, they give their best back to us. The other thing I really learned was what you have to do to help people get through things at work. You know, I've talked, I talked long ago and lean in about bringing your whole self to work.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And 40% of your black are Latina are at the poverty line. And we do not provide enough help to people who need it. We don't have a safety net in this country. We do not have the right policies in our companies. We don't have the right policies publicly. We don't have maternity leave. We don't have paid family medical leave. We had generous bereavement policies at Facebook.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“He said he lost his wife, Laura, who a lot of us knew and loved. And he said, it's like you've been through a portal. You're going to be different. And I'm different in so many ways. One of the most important is I really thought a lot about what kind of responsibility we have to each other I became a single parent. But I'm not a single mother as most are given the resources I have 37% of women who are single mothers of all backgrounds are living in poverty, and the poverty line is still struggling to make ends meet, particularly in an area like Silicon Valley. You have to pay many times that.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, I learned a lot through the process Of losing Dave my friend Jeff Huber, another great person in Silicon Valley running a great company called Grail.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If you On there, there's a lot of honesty. Right, absolutely. No, it's true. I was just thinking the other day, I missed my grandmother for some reason, real close, and she's been dead a long, long time, but it was really interesting. I just got sad. It's enormously sad over it. And I don't know why. So something happened.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Shared that someone just died in their life, and some of the people has been five years, it's been long, and there is an acceptance. And so I think social media is not perfect, certainly, but it is helping me. And helping a lot of people. And I think if you look, there's not just happy pictures of smiling families on there, there's a lot of honesty.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“and the grief ebbs and flows and it is flowing and there are these horrible moments and seeing his name on a tombstone is still something truly horrific. And you know other friends, said Had been like, well, you're done with that grief thing. No one in that group would think I'm done with that grief thing because they all have it. And some of the people in there.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think we share in all kinds of times and all kinds of ways we formed these option B groups and there's one on coping with loss and Monday was the anniversary of Dave's death second year. I posted to that group and I did a post. Sorry. To his grave and uh. In the Jewish tradition, you put stones. And I post it and I posted to the coping with grief group. There are about 4,000 people in there, 4,000 people I don't know, a few I know. It was so interesting for me because I could not have done that post publicly, and I wouldn't have even done that post to my friends because a lot of my friends haven't experienced loss. That post was to those people and it was grief. It was basically today completely sucks. Can I miss him”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right. You have lots of stories in here and a lot of statistics. It seemed like a lot of them pointed to is the ignoring of pain, like the ability, like ignoring pain. And I think a lot of people do feel like social media in other places, even like Instagram, which Facebook owns. It's sort of a happy shiny people world in a lot of, although social media now has become like Twitter's a hellscape. There's some real ugly things on Facebook, as you know that you guys have been dealing with. But a lot of social media does put that pressure on you to feel like you share, but you don't really share. Or it's the presentation. I tell people all the time when they see pictures of families or, oh, all my friends are happier than I'm like, they aren't. They actually, they aren't. That's just the photograph or something like that.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So it wasn't just the people that showed up, it's the people that convinced for us. And, you know, now when people are going through things, I acknowledge them more. I show up more. I don't just offer to help, I help, or at least try. I'm certainly trying. I'm sure I'm not doing it perfectly, but I'm doing it better than I was before. I don't sugarcoat I do not say to someone now who has cancer, I know you're going to be okay. Which is what I would have said before if I said anything. Trying to help. Now I say I know you don't know if you're going to be okay and neither do I You're not going to go through this alone. I am with you”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And they tried to convince me. They're like, we need to be here. We're grieving for Dave, too, and for you. And we need to be here for us.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And then Kadian Scott Minick, my dear friends, I felt so needy and awful. Like, oh my God, I have to be put to bed like a small child. They came over one night with a pie chart. Not getting our share of the nights”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Completely awful. And I mean, I tried, I had to push myself to be this open about it in the book, but. I would have liked the example of someone needing so much. I mean, I said this, I couldn't walk into my bedroom I literally walking into my room at the end of the night was just this horrific thing and I didn't want to do it. And so my sister came over and my friends came over. My mom.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I had a really hard time asking, which is why the people who just did and just showed up, I felt, I mean, not I felt so needy, I was.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Know there's data on the book on this happiness in your 30s is how many friends you have and happiness in your 50s, and I'm a lot closer to 50 than 30. The quality of friendships, and people as they get older, tend to spend more time with fewer people, that definitely happened to me after Dave died and my women's dinners not happening anymore are... Perfect example of that.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right, have you shed people? Have you thought, like, I'm going to make a lot of people when things happen, I had a stroke, as you remember many years ago. And I definitely made choices, started to make a lot of choices more than I did. And it wasn't being mean. It just was like, I got a limited time. I'm going to focus on the things I want to focus on.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The kind of peripheral social stuff doesn't happen anymore, and I'm spending my time, my kids, working, and then with my closest friends, I'm much closer with the people I was close to before. And I have a very close family. I'm lucky to have super close friends. I wouldn't have thought we could be closer, but we are. Definitely are and that is one form of what we call post traumatic growth, deeper relationships and more appreciation.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Was there to put my kids to bed. And now, if I have women's dinners like I used to, there's no one to put my children to bed. So they're gone.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“How I spend my time has definitely changed. I spend my time. Working kids, I don't travel as much as I used to. I can't do the social dinners. I used it, not I wasn't a big social dinner person. No, but you did.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Have you relationships with people change? Have you not relationships? That often happens during heavy periods of grief that people you don't, you tend to ferret out people actually or welcome different people into your life.”
2017-05-08 · Decoder with Nilay Patel · Recode Decode: Sheryl Sandberg · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT