YouSaid · the spoken record

Steve Peters

lines on the record: 158
first: 2023-01-23
most recent: 2023-01-23
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“How would in the context of my scientific background never forget who you are? Because that means you've removed the chimp on the computer and you found yourself. never forget who you are, remember the blank piece of paper. That's going to give you the self esteem that you deserve.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Thank you. And again, it's happening to two guys you've got in your team that have done this. You know, all I'm doing is presenting the neuroscience in what I think is an accessible way that is entertaining, but quite serious to try and get people to get the neuro science simplified because it's out there, but it's so complex. To me, it's complex. And I'd like to present in a way that's practical. And that's what I've done. But at the bottom line is let them pat themselves on the back because I work with lots of people. Those who succeed have done it themselves. All I am is a catalyst. So again, anyone who's really benefited, they need to compliment themselves because it means they've worked and they've succeeded. And it is the skills of those you say, well, I didn't, I couldn't do it. Don't give up because it is a skill. And if this doesn't resonate, there's loads of stuff out there. I'm sure you've had a lot of people in your program. We're all in the same boat. We're trying to help people. So find something that does resonate so that we have a nation with a much better.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Dysfunctional relationship. And they were very happy that he wanted this mothering figure. She was that and both fulfilled what they wanted to do. So I felt at the time it was amazing failure. But looking back, I think, yeah, they were happy. So it's not for me to say what kind of relationships people want. I've given that as a bizarre example. The golden rule is I like people to get in a good place within themselves because otherwise what you do is you start trying to use your partner to help you to compensate for your deficiencies or you start getting very dependent on them or you start getting controlling of them because you're not actually in a good place yourself. So that's the danger with that kind of situation. So I'm not recommending what I thought was an amusing though it taught me something story. I'm saying ideally in relationships get to respect and love yourself first and then when you've got to that position then go out and find someone because then they don't affect you as much.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To the point, I thought I can't see a way forward. And I said, you know what? Why don't I help you to pick the right person, all right? Because I thought this is more practical psychiatry. And she laughed and said, okay, let's try that because she said, why do I do it? And she went off to one of these like, this is a long time ago where you wrote in, it's not before the internet. And she got a group of guys wrote to her. And we picked one out. I said, try him. And she was in a great place to work with me and said, I must stop doing this overpowering and learned to manage myself. And then she picked this guy and absolutely worked fantastic. And I brought her in and I said, I'd love to meet him before I discharged from the clinic because her steam was good then. It was more tragic than that. She wasn't in a great place at all because of this. So I met this guy and I said, what's the best thing about? And he said,'Cause you mothers me and again it taught me something to say, you know sometimes there's a positive.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Again, this is shades of grey, so I'm not saying definitively, but as a golden rule, it is self-evident again. If you're in a great place, then you become attractive to most people because you're exuding this positivity and energy. And so if you can get yourself where you respect and love yourself, then you've got a much better chance that people are attracted to you and think that's great. However, however, I'm going to give you a bizarre example many years ago. I'll simplify this. I worked with a lady who had an overpowering desire to help others. And I tried to say to her, let's stop and just get yourself. And she couldn't do this, couldn't get in a good place. I have to help others. And it damaged all relationships she had. Because he was overpowering. And eventually, I thought this is a great success many years ago. And I went really out the box, which is not recommended, all right? But I just got.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Remove emotion, and I say what has to be done is getting done and is getting done now. We're not discussing it, and I will start. Motivation will follow commitment. And that means the chimp brain will then get behind me, because by the time we've done half the garden it'll say, I can't believe we've left it this long. That's a typical approach by the chimp. And then it tries to make me finish, and I might have to stop and say let's respect my back now. We'll stop now. So I managed my emotions by using commitment. And if they don't marry, I move them to one side. So I don't. really work with emotion to drive me to do something. I think if people can use that and use motivation, that's great. My experience has been it doesn't actually hold.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Whereas if that's the chimp system, so it can work if your chimp is motivated because the reward is so big, their motivation will follow that and be high. But we all know that I get a lot of talks. Can you help motivate? And I say, no, not at all. I don't want to do that because you're constantly propping it up. My approach, which is not, as I say, not everyone will agree, is if you look at the neuroscience, if you use commitment, that means I remove my emotion and I plan on what I have to do and I get on with it. So commitment, there's a lot of evidence that that makes us succeed. So for example, if I've got to go and weed the garden, it's not my favorite pastime. But I think, right, you know, the neighbors might complain. I don't have any neighbors. But they might. And my chimp's going to leave it. Who cares? There's only weeds and it's going to kill your back. I would then say which I will. Right. You stay in here? I'm going out, and if you want to join me, great, but I'm doing the garden.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, what I'm saying with this is, again, teasing up the neuroscience, if we go on motivation, and again, if people use it, great, right? But the evidence is that it doesn't really help. It doesn't really help.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But that doesn't mean I don't love him. So I don't dislike my champion. I just need to learn to understand him and get him to help me. Use his energy”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Again it's why and again I recommend this not everyone but most people if you put something on a piece of paper and measure things our chimp gets behind us now so it drives us to do things so if we can see something being measured and it's getting worse we tend to do something about it and that's because the chimp doesn't like to fail because it's eagles at risk and as I said earlier when you were back in our conversation the chimp has it it's about achievement it's about self-esteem it's so it doesn't want to fail So the chimp joins forces with us. So one way is to help yourselves get it on board. Instead of seeing it negative, it's the best friend you have is my best friend. My chimp is my best friend. He just needs a bit of help at times and he does things different to me. And I usually say he's inepped.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The dissonance is doing one thing which is opposed to what you're saying or believing. So I might say I'm not someone who lies and then you come to see me and I tell you a lie. I go home, I'll have cognitive dissonance. It's very likely if I have a conscience, which most of us have, that that will prey on me and I think, oh, I don't like myself for doing this This is wrong. And then I'll hopefully ring and say, can I just clear it? So I'm not living out my value. So this is cognitive dissonance. So I can get why if you said, are you going to go to the gym and you tick yes? It's the same principle. I need to go because if I don't, I'm going to be in trouble. I've ticked yes”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, what you've affected is the same thing is when I take yes, it means that's the norm I go to the gym. So the cognitive distance, if I don't go to the gym, that's not normal. Thus exactly the same as saying When I'm a tidy person I come home I don't expect a mess. I tied you up immediately that the cognitive distances I'm doing something which doesn't tally with my belief.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And then I will give the tale seer and the recognition that that didn't help, but on the other hand, let's look at what he can do, regardless of the background.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Again, it's really difficult to. I mean, a lot of people, when they're not a great place, find it very easy to be the victim. They don't want to be a victim, but they find it easy, so they'll use an illness as an example, so that it gives them that remit to say, well, I'm not well, I'm not well. When the reality is they don't know how to move forward, so it's easier to just I'm not well and people then go well and not well and there'll be some truth in it but actually not fully the truth So people often use as a defense mechanism the victim role sometimes they have been a victim and then they need to work through that and process it but there's a danger you start to use it or you start blaming circumstance like you might have said to me I didn't make it because my parents never helped me Well, you know there are people whose parents don't help them but they do make it so you have to say well hang on don't use that because it'll keep you in this not great place there will be truth in it”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, you're using them as an excuse not to take responsibility and turn them over. It's given your power. Yes. And you've got to get the power back and say it's within my power.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes. Anolay, if you can't shift them, you know, like say go back. Let's say I've hadn't been grit for you. And I'm sure you worked hard to get where you've got. But let's say you still were in that poverty situation. You thought, I didn't have the skill to do what I'm doing. I didn't use that skill because it was never there. So a lot of people are trapped and they say, well, I'm still living in a pretty bad place and I'm struggling financially. And that's a lot of people. It's painful. But again, psychological mindedness, tough as it is, is to say, well, let me deal with that. I can't change it, but I can change my approach to it. And that's not easy. I'm not saying that's easy, and then you have to work out how do you do that, and it'll be different for different people. So psychological mindedness means take responsibility, accept what's in front of you, and then move forward. So other than that, what you do non-psychological mind is where you blame everybody else or blame circumstances or say this happened to me in childhood or these may...”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, one of the points. The other two For people to shift, they've got to have psychological mindedness, which means they've got to understand that it's not about what happens to us in life, it's how we deal with it. That's basically what we mean. So we understand that just because you've got certain emotions doesn't mean you can't change them and things have to change or people have to change for you to change. It's within your power to be responsible for the things you believe and change. So psychological mindedness means you get up and start working on this. It's within your power to shift things.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And they've recognized it. And again, I don't know. There may be couples where they say, if I say that, she'll lose it. So I said, well, don't do it then. Tell me, and I as a therapist will say to you, well done. And that might be enough for your chimp. So again, it's that thing which I keep saying to you, Steve. I've got to work with the person in front of me and even potentially their partner or family and say, well, what would they do before we make a plan”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because then your chimp goes, right, good, I get the accolade now. So I'm not saying you should not for chimp out. I'm saying you should be getting the chimp so it feels good. And then hopefully she'll say, wow, I love you too and I appreciate that. And then that's nicely rounded up. But you do get circumstances where I'll work with people and say, I tied it away. She doesn't even recognize it. I cancel for my dad. She didn't recognize it. And I think, well, you know, I'm not saying I'm a goody, but I'm saying let them know because your chimps saying, please make sure they know.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And that's what I'm trying to say There's just this, like, the devil's in the detail. Let's say that you go home and you really make an effort and you tidy the house and you really clean it up and she comes home and she doesn't notice. There's a danger now, and I do advocate that sometimes you say to them, because your chimp needs to get that accolade, so it's no good not helping it. You don't need that, but your chimp does. So it's worth saying, can I just say, because I love you.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, no, that's what I'm saying. Now, again, it may not work for you. You might say to me, I did that, and he didn't make any impact.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You can't cope, and she's had a bad day, and someone at work says Oh come over and chat and this young man has a tidy flat, naturally and she goes Oh wow and I warn people how you gonna feel if she walks'cause once they've gone they very rarely come back and if you don't look after them someone else will. If you reflect on that can suddenly make reality come to life to say I'm not there yet but Plymouth would be painful So I'm suddenly going to stop and think let me look after them because if I don't somebody will and we know unfortunate that happens a lot and when you do interview people say well why did you leave him or her? And they say I just got fed up with it and there was no love or affection left they didn't pay any attention they used to That's so common That's so common So you can increase the concept of suffering by reflecting and thinking what would life be like if she left?”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, there is, I mean, when I talk about relationships are critical to us, and I say to people, the way we move is we've got to, I have the triangle of change, which is really the three key things that cause us to move. And the one you've highlighted is either it's got a massive reward or there's going to be massive pain and suffering. So if you're trying to, you're courting someone, you want to form a permanent relationship when they say, I can't stand untidiness, you'll guarantee your flat's perfect when they come in, right? Because you're thinking if I don't, I'm going to lose this person. So the reward is so big. However, then they marry you. And for some reason we take them for granted, and we forget that bit now. And then flat becomes untidy. And then she starts saying to you, you know, I'm struggling with this. I'm struggling, but there's no threat yet. So now it's not painful enough. So she's struggling with it. I love the guy, but this is now what I do. So I say, let's increase the pain. I want you to sit down and imagine.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I mean, it's sort of self evident, you know. If you're, for example, in a bad relationship and it's really not doing you any favors and it's not doing them any favors, but it's not bad enough, then you struggle along and struggle along. But if suddenly something happens where it becomes untenable, and it's painful now, then you move, you think, stop the relationship. And then you look back thinking, why didn't I move earlier? And the answer was because it wasn't painful enough. And the same with like untidiness. You leave it and leave it and leave it. And then somebody comes in and says. Yeah. Blimey, I can't live with this, and suddenly you think well. Suddenly it's painful.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Define yourself image, you're actually programming your computer so this is normal. Anything else isn't, and that will actually help your chimp to agitate which will then join forces and tidy the room. So instead of your chimp going, I can't be bothered, suddenly it's saying wow, I'm being told we're not untidy, so this is unacceptable and not normal And that's what I did, and I found that very powerful in my life. So I get lots and lots of emails.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Well, you've got to sit down and reflect on this. I mean, a lot of the things in the book I've done as a young doctor, when I became a psychiatrist, I decided I didn't want to be a psychiatrist who didn't actually manage themselves. And that's no detriment to psyches who struggle because it's not an easy career or any therapist. It's a tough career. But I decided, look, I'm going to work on me because I can't keep doing this, which is where the chip model came from. And it was one of my light bulb moments many, many years ago where I would be procrastinating. And then I suddenly thought, you know what, that isn't who I want to be. So I thought, that isn't me. I'm actually someone who gets on with things. And I used to get in and I'd just go, right, get on with it. And it's never left me, I've just said, that is who I am. So I become uncomfortable now. If things were untidy, I agitate and think not get it tidied up. So I start perceiving myself as this energized guy who's going to get up and do stuff.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Right. So if you've got that self image and you go home and your room is untidy, I'm being very black and white here, then there's no feelings at all because that's who you are untidy. So, that if you don't do anything Whereas if you say, right, change your image and say actually my chimp being tied, I'm a tidy person. In some cases you're now programming the computer, you now go home and say wow this isn't me and that can change if your self-images I'm not my chimp that's an untidy little beggar I am actually a tidy person”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Okay, there's lots of ways we form habits, whether they're helpful or destructive. And I'm giving an example. So that's when you picked out that's quite powerful if you grasp it. So for example, I'll take the simple example, which I may have put in the book, I don't remember. If I wrote down, I'd say to someone, do you see yourself as someone who is a tidy person who gets on with things immediately? Or do you see yourself as someone who procrastinates? It's pretty untidy.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I worked for England football. For three years and I worked with Liverpool. For three years, so I know a lot of lads went very public, which was great, and again, they were not in a bad place when I met them. And what they were saying is how to optimize performance. And again, they might deal with some really bad comments in the press, which, you know, behind locked doors, I'm thinking, this isn't right. I don't think they've got the right end of the stick here. You know, and so all I can do is stand with them and say, look, you know, I know the real person. You know, I know what you're going through and I can only give them my support. And sometimes that's all people need. They need somebody who's there for them to say, you know, you're struggling here, but I'm here. And I know the truth. We can't change a falcador or the way someone interprets. You know, we can't. So we have to recognize when we can't change it, we fall back to the troop and say, just give me some TLC or support.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah. A lot of teenagers, because again, that's a vulnerable time, but a lot of people. So it's a privilege to deal with. It's uncomfortable. You know, you deal with actors, actresses, or deal with sports people.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Know at the end of the day we're not perfect human beings, nobody's an angel, we're not angels, we're human beings with machines that can run us awry, and even our humans can get it wrong. Sometimes we in the chimp is not, it's the human. You know, that circuit can do it irrationally. You know, it's not always rational when it comes in.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, and that can often be let's look at reality here and the facts of the situation that nobody is immune to attacks nobody it doesn't matter you know I often say of an angel from heaven fell to earth it would be attacked And so you've got to get reality. And then the reality is if you're not going to please everyone and something has terrible happened, go to your friends because that's all that counts at the end. You know. It's who you were at the end of the day, and these are your friends, your partner, potentially your family, the people that stand with, that's why I say the troop, this is your fall back we talked about earlier, you turn to them, and they're then the ones who go we don't care. We know you who you are, we love you, and even if you've made a mistake, they're forgiving.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Exercise in the chimpers when you let out emotion express yourself, so it doesn't have to be high emotion expression can just be can I just say I think what's just happened was unreasonable I think this person was way out of order or it can be without emotion saying this person's just damaged me you know or particularly reputations of people are in other people's hands and you see I see a lot of this where you've got reputational damage and you can't do anything about that because it's not in your hands the more you try and defend your reputation the worse it gets so you have to just suck it up so there's where I'd said be reasonable with you chimp you know don't down it and say come on get over it because it needs TLC and there's lots of times lots of circumstances TLC is appropriate”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But I'm just saying sometimes it does work. I would just like to add, because I think I'm fairly resilient, when we're not resilient, sometimes you've got to give TLC. So I'm not always fine with the chimps, sometimes I go, you got a point. Sometimes I agree with it. And again, this is learning how to deal with you, your own emotions, what works for you. So I try this with people and say what resonates with you. You've got to try it. But sometimes I have to see even to my own chim, you've got good reason to be upset. You've got good reason to be distressed. You know, I get it. And that giving yourself reassurance and TLC can be very powerful.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“With British cycling, which was great at the time and by many fantastic people there, great achievements. When I used to drive in, I live in the Peak District. It was an hour's drive. And I would literally on the morning sit on my chimp right, before we get there, don't want your opinion, don't want you to interfere, but when we come home, I'll let you talk. Don't ask me why it works. But it worked. My brain almost went into computer mode to say not the right time yet, not the right time. So I would deal with a lot of upsets. You can imagine working with people you get a lot of kinds of things. And then I would come home and I'd just particularly point entering the peaks where I'd say, case your time and my treatment would come out. And then I would let it say, well, that was so unreasonable of that person. And once I've done that, as our chimps do, you can't keep going. It used to get bored of its own voice, and until you're finished, Niz. Fine now. So that won't work for everyone.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“All right. Yeah. I felt I'll tell you why there's, and again, I'll both go through this in detail for those who want the science behind it, it's referenced. When we talk to ourselves, we talk often from the chimp. We can talk from the human, but when we listen, the human process is what we hear, which is why often, you know, we talk to a friend and we say, I feel a lot better. It's not just getting it off your chest, you're listening. So often in a team meeting and business, for example, I'll sit and I'll say, just talk from your chimp, and they'll talk and talk. And I say, right, when you've got off your chest, how much do you believe of that and they'll go nothing? It's rubbish because you're actually processing what you're saying. So the more we talk out loud, the more we process from our human and bring perspective in, which the chimp can't do, we bring perspective and reality to the table, and that can bring us back to earth. So it does work so behind locked doors Yes, I mean, when I worked”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Particularly yourself, the chimps disarmed it as no job, so it goes silence it literally will silence and you'll see the blood supply and oxygen uptake in the human circuits and so I come back to me and think okay A merchant may witter again, but you know I'll deal with it so yeah I talk to my chimp in that I know what it what can bring me round”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yeah, I mean, again, to lighten the mood because it's quite heavy. There's lots of grit things I've had and lots of great experience and lots of success. And I say to people, always pat yourself on the back when you do this. But one of the things my chimp responds to, and I don't know why he responds to this, is sarcasm. I've worked that out. So whenever something upsets my chimp and I just think, oh, come on, get a life. And I can't. My chimp's going for me. I say to the chimp, very quickly, can I just ask, do you want to be upset for a minute? An hour the rest of our lives? Just give me a help. I don't know why. It makes me laugh. So it disarms my chimp, and we know that if you can laugh at yourself or a circumstance, you can't always. But if you can, we know that's the only time the brain seems to default into human mode. Because what you really doing if you think the chimp's job is to alert us to danger and worry where you start laughing genuinely”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Learn to recognize and talk to myself, which I do, and say at the end of the day, I can't change life. I can't change things, you know, tragedies happen, and it's not going to be helpful for me to dwell on it. What is helpful is for me to get inside the head and experience the pain, experience the feelings, and hopefully even the thoughts so that I can then get outside of my head, which I think is a skill to do, and actually then say, right, what can I do about it? Because then if it resonates with me, it's possibly going to resonate with the person I'm working with. So I go back feeling, yeah, I know what I can say here and try it. But then I don't have this approach where actually I'm not a feeling or experiencing what they've got. This is not for everyone I can hear a lot of therapists going. This is everything you're taught not to do. Good on you. It's how I work and it works for me.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Get inside the head, and that's so painful that it distresses me. I feel it, then you think gee. You know, so I do that with everyone, I do it with sports people, I do it with the police, I do it with doctors. I try and get in their head and think what is their world hopefully she's not that tragic. But when it's tragic, tragic, yeah, it's painful. So it brings tears to me.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I don't think I've ever cried in front of a patient. I'm pretty sure I haven't. But I think obviously I deal with tragedies in life and they're painful. So in the room I have to contain him or she's got the psych falling apart but on the other hand you know I'm a human being and you go away and you think somebody for example horror stories like some parent who's lost their child there's no way back, you know, and my view which may be wrong is that I say to people can we start by your emotionally scarred this isn't going to go away this is for life but we're going to learn how we can cope with it But you're not going to be the same you cannot get over this so you won't come to terms with it at all you'll learn to manage it there's a difference because I think I'd love it to you from parents to say I have come to terms with it but that's really hard my experience has been they don't so when I leave the room and I think how am I going to work for this man and woman and get them to come to terms with it I have to sort of this universe I work”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That is one thing you could do by testing it weakly to say let me start listening to people because that then at the end of the day I think that was respectful I may not agree and I would be polite in saying be asserted if I don't agree but I'm listening and I respect your view. So if that resonate if then that's one way of measuring them being respectful so I like people to do work with me where we work on things like this And then they get high self esteem. So going back to the young lady, if I did that with her, then she would say, right, so caring for animals is great, it's altruistic, but actually I've got something else now as well. So exactly what you said, it doesn't become the devil. Where I've got to do this every day, otherwise, I'm failing again, get it into context.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Define that clearly so people know let's find your values and then let's start measuring how you live those values out because it's not as easy as you think. So I give this as exercise in a book to try and say work out your values and then live them out but measure them. So again as an example let's say most people put down respect respect for others. They like that that's a value I really hold to. And then when you say to them, well, how would you demonstrate that? People don't know. So I say, well, let's look. There are many ways you can. So for example, one way you could demonstrate respect is by listening to someone, by thinking I want to get their point of view because that's respectful, not judging them, just listening. I may not agree, but I'm going to listen.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Exactly, and that's where you've got to get this tiddly winks book, come out and get perspective. So say, right, it's great you're doing that, but don't start making it the more I do the better I am instead of saying no, I have to look after myself too. So again it isn't just one thing we're giving it very sort of linear here. I'm just giving an example of one angle but then I would work on the girl in other areas of her life So it isn't just that angle But the bottom line is if you and I guess most people think this if you live if you've defined your values and you live by your values then you become a wholesome person so it's most people don't even know what their values are So I push this point that I think this is the only thing that I've ever seen that gives peace of mind and that's to live out your values but you have to find them first and people muddle up what's valuable and what's value They muddle them up”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Exactly anything can count it, and this is why I'm saying that when people say, write me a book, and I think I'm always reluctant to do it. And it's taken me 10 years to write this one, as in 10 years later after the first one, because I don't want to go in there with a process, but I feel I've got to because so many people it is very humbling have said this has so helped. It really makes sense to me that I thought I've got to expand on it and give it in more detail so people have really can do it themselves. But the problem is it's very individual. So I have to work with the individual. And yes, that could become a positive for the rest of her life. But as long as we can give a perspective as well, that she's worthy as an individual. If that is a value you hold and you're living that value out by helping animals, for example, then we know that that will give you peace of mind.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And rather than what they look like so that was the start of me really starting to think as a young doctor, you know, don't go down one route trying to see things as being like a spectrum and have a toolbox to say well hang on, let's stop looking in the mirror and let's start looking outside yourself because that could be the turning point for you. So again that won't work for everyone. So I have to, when you say about this probably getting the idea now, whenever someone comes in I have to really work hard to understand their mind what beliefs they're holding, what's going to turn them round, what's not helping, what are the long term consequences, what hidden beliefs have they got that they're not aware of, but I've got to get them out. And when I've done all that, I then go to work on it to help them to challenge what we can both see has been unhelpful and replace them.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And these animals need me. So you could argue psychodynamically she was looking after herself by looking after the animals. She needed love so she gave love so I could see psychoanalysis saying there you go. I don't mind how it's interpreted it worked. For me it worked. So I suddenly thought wow”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“The cut, and I said, Can I ask you to do something for me? And this wasn't planned, I just thought, can you look after the bird table and can you look after the cut? And without a word alie, a different person emerged. And I sat there and I thought why has that changed? Because this isn't what you learnt at medical school. You learnt antidepressants and therapies and I thought, what have I just done? And I'm young at that point to read around and I like to read outsider medicine. And I thought I gave her a purpose, and that was her self esteem. She took it out of herself, she then said, doesn't matter what I look like, I want to help the animals. And this is a true story that she got discharged and went to work at an animal centre on a metron outpatient's follow up, and she was as happy as could be, and I said We've got to broach the subject, what about you know your self esteem and where you look? And she said Well my self esteem doesn't matter because she actually did have it but it was on I am a carer”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Glad you're all laughing. I'm glad you're laughing. Yeah, it is silly, isn't it? I think if you look in the mirror and you see. Something that you don't really like looking back. I think then you have to go down the route and say, right, is it really that important? What I look like? I can give you a good example years and years and years ago. I worked with a young lady who didn't like what she looked like. She really didn't, and she was attractive, in my opinion, but I think everyone's attractive. And there was no point in me trying to convince her. I was a young doctor then, and this taught me. And I couldn't get anywhere. So I was struggling, and I eventually she was in an impatient. We were worried about self-harm and so on. And that was her coping strategy for having very low self-esteem and I was lost. So as a junior doctor, by chance, I asked her just chatting to try and get her to see some value in her. I said, what'd you like to do? And she said, I love animals. And by chance we did have a bird table, which was neglected, and we also had a cat on the ward, and no one really bothered us.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“We don't choose beliefs, we develop belief We develop them on what we experience or where education tells us. If I say to your research shows one in 200 people have got psychopathic brains, then you look at the research and go, okay, I believe that research now. You may dispute it. But if you have experience that blind me about one in 200 people hurt me, then you've worked that out yourself, so your experience, but you might get someone who's really oblivious and lack of insight and say, I believe one in two people hurt me. And now, you know, you think, well, can we challenge that? And let's see your experience. But if it resonates with them, it's not for me to say, well, that's just rubbish. That's their experience.”
2023-01-23 · The Diary of a CEO · The Mindset Doctor: The Secret Man Behind The World's Top Performers: Steve Peters · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT