YouSaid · the spoken record

Tristan de Montebello

lines on the record: 123
first: 2024-10-13
most recent: 2024-10-13
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“So, one analogy I love for this is again a flying analogy, you're on the plane, everything's smooth, you're having a great time watching your movie, and suddenly you're interrupted by the pilot who picks up the intercom and says, oh, ladies and gentlemen, so I just had a red light start blinking here in the cockpit. And I'm not sure what this is. It could be really bad, honestly, but I don't know. So don't worry, please. I'll get back to you soon. First thing that's going to happen if you experience that Are going to think, I wasn't worrying in the first place. But then you start thinking, wait, something's probably is going wrong.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Internally, it feels like everybody can see. So you're feeling all this insecurity, and it feels like there's an elephant in the room. And so what most people do is they self-sabotage. They start leaking and they break character. And they'll say, man, I'm not making sense right now. Or they'll laugh nervously after saying a word that came out weird. Oh, I also, which is kind of saying like, oh, I also noticed that this word came out weird and it's okay, right? Or they'll keep letting all of these. When people didn't see it in the first place. So again, it's like I'm forcing these filters onto my audience and now they can only see me through that light.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I'm speaking, and obviously as I'm speaking, all of my senses are really, really heightened. So I'm aware of everything. If a word comes out a little bit weird or if it's not the word that I was expecting to hear come out of my mouth, I'm going to be very aware of that because I was expecting something and something different happens. But that happens all the time when speaking. I'm starting to not make as much sense or I feel like I'm rambling, going a little bit too long. All of these create insane noise in the back of my mind, the insecurities. And you have a choice there because I can tell you right now, nobody can tell. People cannot see what you feel, even though it feels that way when you feel really, really strongly. But people can't see it. You're just looking like a normal speaker, competent and confident.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“What else we got? I'll be paying attention to that. The third one The third one is staying in character. And these go hand in hand. And what's really powerful is. When you start doing these, there's a beautiful feedback loop that happens that gives you a lot of confidence. So staying in character, I said, is the one that's going to make you feel more confident. What's staying in character? So it's related to Enstrong in some sense in that people tend to self-sabotage a lot.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Know that it's coming And make sure you land the plane. So, what that looks like is either you just make your ending sound like an ending. Then leave it at that. Or you can prompt your brain. You can use summary prompts. This is incredibly powerful. It just means you say the beginning of a sentence or the beginning of a sentence and your brain's going to fill in the gap. You're prompting your brain and your brain will always deliver. So you get to the end, you're like, okay, I got to wrap up now. And so you'll say, so to wrap up. Your brain's going to fill in the gap. Or, in summary, so my point here is so what I want you to remember, and you just place those words and your brain's naturally going to do the work of closing it for you. But make sure you don't let go of the gas pedal at the very last moment. You need to land that plane.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. And but the thing is, what happens when you do that? When you do that, it's like you're forcing this lens on your audience where now they, even if they had the best of experiences with your answer, now they're looking at everything you said through the lens of, oh, this person was kind of uncertain. So it's like you had a very smooth flight across the Atlantic and your landing was absolutely horrible. You were bumpy when you're coming up. And then when you hit the landing, you bounce three times and you thought you were going to die. You're not going to remember the smooth flight. You're going to remember the ending. So a simple tactic here is anticipate that as you get to the end of anything you're saying, you're going to naturally start regaining consciousness and you're going to start being a little bit more self-aware and some of those uncertainties are going to pop up.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Doesn't leave you with a good impression, or they're actively say the doubts that are coming up in their mind of maybe they'll be giving a great answer and then suddenly they say, I don't really know if that makes sense.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Look more confident. Now how to sound more confident. This is a really important one, and this concept is called end strong. And it's We had to bring this up because. Most people tend to end weak. And why is that? They put freestyle rappers in an FMRI. And what they found out is freestyle rappers have to enter a deep flow state. So if you're a freestyle rapping, you have a beat. You don't have any lyrics, and you have to get into the beak and invent the lyrics and the melody and everything on the fly. So there's no choice but being completely present. What happens is you can see their brain and it's lit up in a very specific place that shows that they're in flow. And when they get to the very end, the brain just blows up before they finish. They start getting pulled out of flow. And this is the same feeling of like you're running at school and you see the finish line and just a few yards before you start slowing down. It's just, I don't know, we're built that way. And in speaking, it's the same thing. People tend to give a great answer. And then either they kind of taper off at the end.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Means you look more confident because anybody who'd be willing to pause in their speaking as somebody who's confident. And as a result, you're much less likely to bet to get interrupted. So it's a small tweak, but makes a real difference. The only thing is if you're not used to doing this, if this is not your habit, then it's going to feel a little bit awkward the first time you do it and you probably won't think about doing it. So I recommend writing ThinkUp on a post-it and putting it on your computer so that it's there for you. And then once you've done it a few times, this will become the new normal. And by default, you'll look more confident.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And if you're looking down on Zoom, it's three times as bad because it looks like you're looking at your phone or looking at notes if you had any. But even when you're in person, it doesn't look very confident. And so you're suddenly giving off of that vibe of, oh, this person feels a little bit uncertain here. And maybe it's going to look like you stopped speaking and you might get more interrupted. If instead you switch that up and you start thinking up, I think up and to the right, but you can think in any direction you want. But as long as you're looking up, Actually, look thoughtful by default. So suddenly you're looking thoughtful”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I actually thought about this because Once you think about speaking being much more about the root causes, like play the games that are going to change you at the root, don't focus on the symptoms, then you find yourself sharing much less purely tactical advice and frameworks because we're trying to get out of our brain into our subconscious. So when I thought about it, I thought of three things I wanted to share. One makes you. Sound better or look better. One makes you sound better and what makes you feel better. So the first makes you look better. Now this is super basic and very crunchy, but it's a bad habit that a lot of people have, that when I am trying to gather my thoughts or think, people tend to look down.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Trust in hey, if I let myself be more intense, or if I let some of these emotions pop out, or if I take a time to gather my thoughts, is everything going to unravel or is that going to work for me? And if you haven't proven that to yourself, then you're just going to go for safety. And so you're going to be very monotonous and constrained. And that's what creates monotony. But if I can solve that, suddenly I have freedom. So thinking through this and understanding that the goal here is upgrading the software and it's really layering, taking all the bad habits away and putting in new habits that I can just stay in this flow state without getting pulled out. Really changes the game”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Try and figure out well, what are the root causes that create these symptoms? And can I address those? So instead of counting my filler words, if that's something that's annoying to me, I'm going to go back and try to figure out, well, what's the root cause of that? Well, the root cause of having lots of filler words or racing in your speaking is that you probably struggle to feel comfortable slowing down, relaxing, or even pausing when your mind is racing and you feel pressure. Solve that and not only do the filler words take care of themselves, but the racing takes care of itself and you suddenly have more mind space and you feel super, if you feel super constrained in your speaking and very monotonous, then maybe boxed in and you're struggling to allow yourself to feel, to be of what you are under pressure because there's probably a lack of certainty, a lack of”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The day I understood that Speaking was a subconscious, flow-oriented process. And not a conscious process. Completely changed the way I approached it. So instead of thinking tactics and frameworks and adding more to the outside of the things I need to think about, when I realized when I speak best, I'm actually not thinking about speaking. It's the last thing I think about is the speaking part. I'm completely in tune with whatever it is I'm trying to convey to my audience or the person in front of me. And the goal is to get into a flow state and stay in that flow state all the way through the finish line. That's what really, really changed my mindset about speaking. Because then it changes all of the exercise you want to do. It changes how you can think about speaking. And one of the ways that how I practice was instead of focusing on the symptoms of speaking, I started to”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“This is not an overnight thing. You can't just snap your fingers, read a book, and be a better speaker. Well, your practice has to be enjoyable as well. Because otherwise, two weeks in, you're going to quit just like a shitty fitness journey or diet, right? You have to find joy in it. It has to be structured in a way where it rewards you as well so that you get more energy and you get more enjoyment while you do it.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Then I take the same person with the same skill set and the same ability, and I bring them in a business setting, and suddenly I don't feel like myself anymore. And because of the pressure, I start trying to speak differently. So people start having, I'm going to try to think really hard of what I need to say and I want to control the words that are going to come out of my mouth before they come out of my mouth. So I make sure I don't make a mistake. And you basically loop in this thing that is so counter what communication is, which is just a natural subconscious skill. So using speaking as a barometer of, hey, if this is not feeling good, I'm probably overthinking. I probably need to relax and try to just feel a little bit more like myself. This also applies to practice, where in your practice, because”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And if you think about speaking, when you're talking with your kids or with your partner or with your best friend, your childhood friend, your parents, we all have environments where we feel completely like ourselves. And when we do, communication is extraordinarily enjoyable. It's just a means to connect with other people, a means to share what we have on our mind. And it's very, very empowering and it feels very good.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, I think that's very tied to what you were saying. I see enjoyment as a barometer. Like if I'm doing things right, I'm probably enjoying myself. If I'm doing things wrong, particularly with speaking, because again, this is something we're naturally evolved to do. So if we're naturally evolved to do it, it's not something that we dislike doing. It has to be something that rewards us. So as soon as things start not feeling enjoyable, it's a sign, hey, I'm probably doing this wrong. There's something here that I'm doing that is making this unenjoyable that's probably not helping me. And I think you mentioned that, you know, in those people who can hold an audience who are really good communicators in business, it looks like they feel very comfortable. It looks like they feel like themselves.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Thing is, over the course of our life, because of all these little situations that happen. We start getting bugs in the software, and we're not really upgrading our software. The moment you get the bugs and things start working, not working, we start avoiding. And suddenly it's like we're not upgrading our software anymore. So we're stuck on old buggy software. But the reality is. Let's not forget that we have incredible software, that we're evolved for this. So, all we need to do is some debugging and some upgrading of the software. And suddenly your entire life can change. So that's really one I want to impart on anybody listening. You have it in you. You already have what it takes.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, as you get breakthroughs, how you feel at work feels different, how you feel in your group of friends feels different, how you feel in a group of strangers, especially how you feel in your family can even be impacted. So this seeps into everything else in your life. Thing is because there's so much self consciousness that goes with speaking, we often feel kind of constrained under the layers of overthinking and anxiety that come with speaking. So it can be hard to realize that underneath these layers You actually have this extraordinary superpower. Because as humans, we're evolved to speak. This is what we are. So you don't need a teacher. It will learn by itself with no formal education. So, what that means is we all have this incredible hardware.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, an example of a metascale is fitness, for example. If you were to start saying, okay, I'm going to transform my fitness and you start lifting rates and you start going on runs, obviously your muscles are going to get bigger, you're going to get more in shape, and your cardiovascular system is going to improve. But that's actually only a sliver of the impact it's going to have on your life because you're going to start feeling more energy and you're going to start having these nice hormones, these endorphins flowing through your body and you're going to feel better about yourself. And when you walk in front of the mirror, suddenly you're going to have a boost in confidence. So naturally, everything else in your life is going to start to improve as a result of you focusing on your fitness. And for speaking, it's the same thing. This blew my mind when I went on my own speaking journey is when I started making breakthroughs in speaking, other things started to feel different.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I actually think that the biggest misconception Tackling your speaking is that people grossly underestimate just how transformative it could be to your life. The reason it's so transformative is because speaking is not a specialized skill. It's a meta skill. That means that the better you get at speaking, the better your life gets.”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“People tend to get into a public speaking voice. We'll be in a class and they'll be chatting normally and look super normal. And then we'll say, okay, now just a timer. I'm just going to give you a speech. Just speak for 60 seconds so we get a baseline. And I click play and suddenly I say the important part about doing this and they enter into a different version of themselves, a professional version, whatever that would mean. It's so much more freeing, powerful, connecting, and effective to speak conversationally. So the cue I often give people is,”
2024-10-13 · Lenny's Podcast · Why most public speaking advice is wrong—and how to finally overcome your speaking anxiety | Tristan de Montebello (CEO & co-founder of Ultraspeaking) · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source