YouSaid · the spoken record

Bert Kreischer

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179
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2023-06-05
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2023-06-05
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  1. “They added a second show in some city. And they added a second show like Friday and Saturday, or third show. And I said, they just told me, I was like, fuck, I'm leaving tomorrow. I need to sell tickets. So I said, real quick, girls, meet me outside. And Leanne's like, girls are doing homework. I go to take five seconds. I put on a speedo. I got the American flag. I gave I love the hose. I gave Leanne the leaf blower. And I gave Georgia the drone. And I just had Georgia drone it back to reveal the leaf blower and the mist you were seeing was coming from Isla and Leanne. I'm going to speed up with American flag. I have Bob Seeger playing, rambling, grambling man.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  2. “Maybe I do three, like, and I'm talking even like in the dance video I did where I did the hip hop dance, I did two takes on that. With when I've had the marching band come to my house, I did two takes on that. Once you start doing more takes, you lose the fun of it, I think. And then the fun ones, I mean, my favorite one I've ever done, without a doubt, my favorite promo I've ever done is...”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  3. “I filmed every single one of my 15 different stories of him trying to do that. I had 145,000 views on each story. He never posted it. Never posted it, and I was like, man, if he had just posted that one, he never posted anything in his stories. That one 145, 5,000 people would have gone to his story to see that cup of tea being made and see which one he finally went with. And so sometimes I think the biggest mistake you can make is just not doing it. Just do it. Just post it. Turn the camera on. The idea will show up. And that's the number one thing. Just turn the camera on and it'll come up. You'll figure it out.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  4. “A lot of people to buy tickets for a fucking comedy club, and they were like, Whoa. And they're like, what do you do stories about? I go fucking anything. Who gives a shit? Just anything. And some things work, some things don't. And I watched Sean Patton. Shout out to Sean Patton try for about 15 minutes to do an Instagram story about his cup of tea. Making a cup of tea and he was making, and he kept going, Hey, okay, hold on, hold on, let me. I was filming him from the couch. I was filming all these attempts”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  5. “Yeah, gets forgotten. The good stuff they remember, and then that's all they bring up. The stuff that Socks just goes away. And they're like, oh yeah, did you do that? I don't even think I saw that. Fuck it. Who cares? You know, it's like I watched one of my favorite stories about this is. Guy named Sean Patton. I was explaining Instagram stories to him and Ari and Mark Norman. And I was explaining that you can now sell tickets on Instagram stories. It was back when they swiped up instead of tap the button and swipe up. And they didn't understand it. And I said, let me show you. And I put up tickets for sale. And I said, you know, hey guys, swipe up. And then I just showed him in 10 minutes. Look, there's not many people swiped up. It's 145 people.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  6. “Yeah, I feel like sometimes at cannibalizes your real life where you start going, you start thinking in promo videos, or you start looking at a vacation as a bit. We should go ziplining. I don't know. Why don't you do? What shoes are you wearing on? Like it can definitely cannibalize. Wife's really good at going, like no, like no phones. The girls are really good. The girls, when I started Instagram stuff, they started saying stuff like dad hits mom. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, guys. They're like, no, put your fun away. Dad's boys, and I'm like, stop, stop, stop, stop,”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  7. “My oldest. Only parented, like my dad parented, like just like raise your voice, get up to here. That's it. No, that doesn't fuck this. The dogs don't have goddamn leashes, collars on their necks, and so with Georgia, I had to learn through therapy. If the consequence is here. And the highest it goes is here. Then why the fuck wouldn't they lie and do everything? Because they go, well, I know what it's like to hear. But if you can vary your consequence with a child. And find some conversation in it. A sudden, they're like, well, I don't want to like, because this does suck. I like this. I like where we talk. And he says, write a thousand words on why driving around your kids in a car kids in a car is bad.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  8. “The moment I'm really good at that. My wife's not. She's not a good apologizer. Like, she needs to sleep on an apology, and then she can do it. I can apologize in the moment if I realize I'm wrong. And I'm really quick to find my fault. Look for my fault because I go, tell me what I did As a parent. I have pulled my daughters aside and been like, yo, that wasn't you. That was mom. I'm giving you a heads up because I don't want because I got really confused as a kids. My dad always made sure I knew I was wrong. Sometimes I wasn't. And then as a kid, you're kind of fucked up. You're like, well, how do I know if I'm wrong? And I think that raises. So I was really good with my girls going, like, yo. And then parenting Georgia taught me a lot about self-correcting.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  9. “I'm really good at like very accountable. I'm very self correcting. Like if we're in a fight and she points something out and I go, oh, you're right. I go, fuck, you're right about that. You're right. You're totally wrong.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  10. “And then she shows love for you by taking care of you. And so, like, I have a lot of times just been this, almost like step and repeat husband where it's like I come in to take a picture like, hey, Monday Tuesday. All right, I'm on the road Wednesday. Take care, guys. Or like travel channel, I'd love for two weeks at a time. I left for the movie for three months. So I don't know that I've ever done... Bang up job. I buy like I go, I remember one time I was just like, I don't cheat on her. I don't hit her. I don't yell at her. I'm a pretty good fighter. I'm a really good fighter. Like, like I'm good at going like, hey, we're on the same team.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  11. “How do you make love to a woman? I'll tell you how I do it. I go down on her first Make sure she has an orgas And then I get my turn, and that's over pretty quick. It's like your ears pierced. Does it feel a little prick and it's over? I don't know if I've done a great job. Keeping her happy. I think I keep her interested. Like, I think I. Keeper occupied, like I'm like a little bit of a rodeo clown Like, I don't know. I mean, I know we're happy right now. I know we're really happy. But I don't know if I ever did. Good a job as she did. Like, she's always been. She's always been a gangster, like done, did everything just does everything. She does it all. She does everything. Like fucking everything and she loves it. She just does it.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  12. “Yeah, but it's lobster. This is a fucking baby shrimp or like you ever get the ones in Brazil where you just go fucking, I'll eat the shell. I don't care anymore. I'm so fucking hungry and just a handful of lobster like it's popcorn or baby shrimp like it's popc I've done that in Vietnam. I've done that where I just go, it's too much work”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  13. “I think you do. I mean, I think you have to put yourself out there and you have to be available for it. You know, that's the hardest part is just being available for it. Because so many people just want to be busy just dating. Just want to have someone in my life. I don't want to be bored. I don't want to. What if I die alone? Just be available for it.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  14. “Way she was operating was I was like, I feel like she's thinking about me. And we connected on so many levels, on so many levels. I could talk to her about things and ideas I had. And I was like, okay, I want her. I want him. I think it's got to be that thing when you know you know. And it can be so simple as like. A personal trainer or a jiu-jitsu class or like just where you go, oh, I'm connecting right now.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  15. “This is so silly, but I follow that in business. Like when you know, you know, and like my assistants with us and someone goes, how did you, how do you find a good assistant? And I go, when you know, you know. Like people will show you who they are. I can tell you when I fell in love with my assistant, we were doing a TV show and we worked past dinner and all the dinner places were closed. And he just said, Hey, I got like four meals. I didn't know which one you'd want. So I got four different meals for you. I ordered them. They're up in your room. And just let me know whichever you want. I'll take care of the rest of them. And I was like, that dude thinks about other people before himself. He didn't even get himself dinner. He just got me four dinners. And I was like, fuck. I did the same thing with my social media manager.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  16. “In Runyan Canyon, I was running back down Outpost by Benaflex House, and the sun was setting, and I just said, God, if you're listening. Just give me this check back. I'll never fuck it up. This is the one I won't fuck it up. I won't cheat. I'm not going to be a bad dude. I want to have kids with her. I'll be there. I'll be a great fucking dude. I'll take her out on dates. Like, I'll love this chick. And I got home and she was in my room in a sundress. And I was like, oh, fuck, he didn't know he was real. I was like, shit, man, give me like one more night. Some strange tale real quick before I commit forever. But I think when you know, you know.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  17. “And so, you know, granted, I haven't had sex with a lot of chicks, but that's, and it's not by choice. I'm saying, like, maybe there were times I would have done it, but I know that I was always looking for someone to figure out, to get me. And then I will say this, when you know, you know, when you know, you know, when you think there's, I can't imagine a life without this person. That happened to me. And I can only say my experience is I had Leanne. I loved her. Oh, I don't get to live a great life without her. She's the thing that's going to give me a great life. I knew it undisputed. I went for a run and she dumped me. I went into my shower. I cried. I went to Barnes& Noble. I bought men from Venus. Women are from Mars. I watched Fight Club in my closet. I didn't drink. I drank a lot of Nyquil to sleep. And then I went for a hike.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  18. “This is going to sound. But Don't tie yourself down, meaning, like, don't spend time. Fucking with those little mini shrimp and peeling them every night. When you know you're looking for a lobster. And so I think what happens to a lot of guys, they just, they're so busy and just getting pussy and going from here to here to here. I was never that guy. I always wanted to find someone who understood me. I always wanted that.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  19. “As one of the 10 most important people in stand up comedy, without a doubt, he changed the game. It didn't exist like this before him. And he won't accept that compliment.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  20. “I gave him a gift too, and I said, Hey, I need to show you. I can't just tell you this because it's going to fall in deaf ears. I need to give you a minute so you have something so you know that I think about you and I'm grateful for having you in my life a lot for many reasons. I'd have more friends in my life because of you. He taught me how to trust people again. I have a career because of you. I have a major motion picture because of you. I do arenas because of you. Without you and my life, a lot of these things maybe never would have happened. I never would have told the machine on stage. I wouldn't have gotten, I wouldn't have never started a podcast. I wouldn't have three podcasts. Like, I mean, all these things are things he not just, he didn't just take me to the water one time and give me a drink. He gave me a machete and he said, this is how I get to the water. You got to put your own path, but just give me a heads up. You can also use my path whenever you want. I mean, he is the most selfless individual. He will go down in history.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  21. “I know some guys that have done that might be me might be, I might talk over people and not listen really well. Joe did the opposite. Now look, I've tried to learn from Joe on my podcast and do the same. That guy, when you think about it, you name 10 of his friends, I bet eight of them are doing arenas right now. They're all doing theaters. All his friends do theaters. All his friends do theaters. He is just. And he won't accept this compliment. I tried paying it to him in Austin when I was in Austin last night.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  22. “Oh that dude I could go on and on about Joe Rogan Joe Rogan is the most selfless individual I've ever met he doesn't care if he has you on the podcast he wants you to be the funniest person in the room He wants you to be the smartest person in the room Let me tell you something Joe Rogan is 10 times smarter and funnier than me He wants you to shine He wants to put you over to his fans that shit did not exist before he started doing his podcast people didn't share you with their fans No one was like hey man come on on the road with me They brought you on the road because they wanted you to suck and they put you in bad scenarios Joe Rogan wanted you to shine. He gave so many people beautiful career gave them careers gave them Joe could have looked at his podcast as his thing This is my thing I bring on these guys I'm gonna be the funniest guy in the fucking room”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  23. “Dude he does. He has, you know, He had a fantastic relationship with his dad. And I think whatever that dude did to create that dude, he hit it out of the fucking park because he has so much. Love that he doesn't need reciprocated at all. Like he can just love and then it feels good for him to give. And to like take care of someone. And, like, you know, he started the whole birthday gift thing because, and he didn't need to. He just was like, hey, man, I had this bike. I thought you'd like it. And then, of course, I turn it into a fucking bit. And now we're upside down. I'm 120, upside down on a fucking race car that we can't make our money back on.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  24. “He knows that I'm spinning out of control. And he's like, you're okay. And then I was like, and I felt okay. I was like, you're right. I'm okay. What the fuck am I doing? My brain's that brain.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  25. “One day, and I'd had surgery in my arm, and Todd didn't want to do it. I was terrified. And Tom just said, just come out and meet up with us. Tom knew he was going to make me get them. And so I got them and he, you know, Joe's there. And so we're just all talking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Tom can see that I'm spinning out a little bit. And I get in the car. And, you know, Tom's got a porsche. So we're like right next to each other. And I just want to feel if it's swollen. And it is a little swollen because I just got an injection. And then Tom's driving and he's got his hand on the thing. He just puts his hand on my arm and he goes, you're okay. He's watching. He knows me so well.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  26. “And there was one guy who was in khakis, and one guy was in jeans shorts with a python around his neck. Tom goes, If we were gay, which one would you be? I said, I'm fucking Python. And he was like, Yeah, I'm khaki. And I go, Really? And he goes, Yeah, that's why we work. And he goes, All relations are pythons and khakis. And I went, really? And he goes, look at you and Leanne. Who do you think you are? I'm Python. And he goes, she's khaki. And he goes, me and Push. I go, oh, she's Python. He goes, and I'm khaki. He goes, I'll always be khaki. And sometimes I'll have a relationship around the Python, but I'm usually a khaki. And I was like, yeah, I am a little bit of a lunatic. I'll tell you one of the moment that explains me and him that the world will never see. It was just a great moment. We got stem cells with Rogan one weekend.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  27. “Yeah, especially because I couldn't do it without him. He couldn't do it without me. We do it separately. We'll have guest bears on. Some will blow up, some won't. You can never figure it out. But when we're together, it does well. And so we need each other for it to work. And we've, you know, like I said, we're on a handshake deal with two bears and no one likes that. But we're like, hey, I mean, to the point where like he'll call me and go, yo, we have a deal to do this for X amount. Are you in And they go, yeah, Mahu checked the books. I don't need to. I know him. I just know him.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  28. “It's really tough. It's really tough, you know, especially as we're growing. I'll tell you what I don't know how much I'm allowed to say, but I can tell you this. A business deal Where feelings were getting involved and money was involved, and the money was causing the feelings. And one of us said to the other person, our feelings are more important than the money. So let's just split the money And it was really like a solid moment where both of us were like, that is how we should run this.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  29. “I am. I mean, that's the problem. I think I am pretty fucking weak. I'm not the strongest dude out there. I have really thin skin. I get my feelings hurt all the time. And so, but it sucks when you watch your friend see something in you that you go, they go, fuck him, he's not paying attention. Fuck him. Let's just fuck him. Let's take his money. You know what? Fuck him. He doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Look, he's a drunk alcoholic. And you go, oh no, bitch, I pay attention. Like I'm wide awake. I'm here. I'm working my ass off. You're not going to fucking.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  30. “Just fucking fighting and then, yeah. And then one day you get past it. Like one day you just go, fuck them. I'm not going to give them real estate. And then you just forget about them. And then they reach out and they'll try to be a dick or a bully because they're bullies. They're bullies is what they are. Don't ever forget it. They're fucking bullies. And they got bullied. It's not their fault. They got bullied. And then they try to bully you and you don't have any connection anymore. And you're like, oh, you can go fuck yourself. You can actually go fuck yourself. You're not my boss. You're not my wife. You don't fuck me. You don't pay me. Get the fuck out of my life.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  31. “End up on a treadmill in a hotel room fighting with them. You fight with them all the time. You fight with them all the time. Fight with them constantly. And I have this thing where I ruminate on an idea and I can't get it out of my head and I hear the words they say.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  32. “No If I was Joe, I would kiss dudes All the time, and then be like, and then, and then when they didn't kiss back, go, you know, no one will ever believe you.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  33. “I would be more excited. I would be more excited if just if he tried to kiss me on the lips once in a Scotty J way from Boogie Nights where he's like, what? Do you like my car?”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  34. “And I will ride or die with him because I cannot live in a world where I don't trust him. If I don't trust him, then I am so fucked. And it wasn't him. It wasn't him. And it's a cool feeling to know that you could blindly trust someone, blindly have faith in someone, know that they have your best interest at heart. But yeah, it took me a while to get there. Rogan helped me get there because I wasn't trusting him or Joey or Tommy or anyone. I wasn't trusting anyone. I'd gotten in a bad thing and I just wasn't trusting anybody. And Rogan was like, yo, man, we're trying to be your fucking friend. And I was like, yeah, I don't need friends. I couldn't understand why Rogan was interested in me. And I said to someone, I was like, Is he gay? What the And that he was just a nice guy He's just a nice guy.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  35. “Tom and our managers and agents would like to either separate us. One of us, one of them gets both of us. It's just more lucrative for them So they have always kind of pitted us against each other a little bit, and they do it subtly. They'll do it to me and my team, and then his team will do it to me, and then my team will do it to him, and his team will do it to him. And there was a moment where information got leaked about this thing I was doing and my team was like, just so you know, your boy Tommy is the rat And I had to. Was the one time, and Leanne said, Do you think Tom would do that? I said, I don't know how faith works. Like, I'm not a super religious person. But I will tell you that I believe in Tom and I don't think he did it. And I will stand by that ignorantly”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  36. “And even, I know, even like Bayari, whichever people see that drugging as a betrayal. And I did for a period, but it was, it was only because it was Ari and he was one of my best friends. And me and him had to work through that because I couldn't not love him. Like I couldn't not have him in my life. He means a lot to me. He really does. He's a great friend to have But he's also, I don't know what was going on with him at that time, but he made a bad decision, and I had to forgive him for that because I knew he knew my mantra. I think I'm harder to trust people now. I'm not as apt to trust people at all. But there was a moment. I don't know if I've ever shared this, and I don't know how this will sound. But there was a moment that information got leaked about a thing and all my managers and agents.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  37. “It's an interesting question. I've been betrayed in my professional life a couple times by really close friends. And I'm not someone who can, like, I have a mantra that, I mean, I don't know if people have heard it or not, and I hate sharing it, but it's true. The mantra is, so you think I'm weak? That's my thing. I feel like people take advantage of me. And I go, oh, so you think I'm weak? Forget everyone that, like, and I named the people that have betrayed me, I'm a larger man than all of them. So that's what really fucks with me is I go, so you think I'm weak? Like where I grew up, when you do stuff, there was physical consequences. I grew up in Florida. Like I've been beaten up a bunch. I'm not saying I can fight, but I'm not scared of getting beaten up. And the times that I've been betrayed.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  38. “I think people think. I don't know, like they. You can't take your shirt off anymore? Go, no, I can fucking take my shirt off Out of your mind, I'm gonna take my shirt off all the time.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  39. “More than anything. I like being shirtless. More than having a shirt, I'm very uncomfortable in a shirt. Like right now, and I have tactile issues, I have legit tactile issues. I'm most comfortable in stretchy jeans, then with a loose fitting belt, and then these shirts exactly, but I like more like a v-neck. I can feel this on my neck right now, and I can feel it on my arms. And so I'll sit a certain way because it just rubs me wrong. More comfortable shirtless. I can never wear what you're wearing”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  40. “Yeah. It's like, what are you going to do? Funny people make fun of me for taking my shirt off, I guess, behind my back. No one ever does it to me. Like, no one would ever. Comics aren't comics aren't that manly”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  41. “Or even doing podcasts, I try to be as honest as I can about whatever I'm going through or whatever I'm dealing with. But when it comes to selling things, I don't have a problem. Trying to make fun of myself or get in front of people so that they know that I have a show. Because the thing I'm good at, the one thing I know I'm good at, stand up. And I say that humbly, but I want them to come there. So I've heard people make fun of me before. They're like, yeah, I'm not some clown in Espito who is going to, I'm a real comic. And I go, okay, but I want them at my shows. And you can be that guy and I'll be this guy.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  42. “Because that kid needs it. He goes, You've grown up with privilege your whole life. You don't need it. You think you're going to be fine. So I went and I ended up getting a job out the door, but it's humbling. It's really like, it makes me feel uncomfortable. And so that humility is the first time I really understood humility and I've applied that in many respects in getting to be a paid regular at the comedy store that happened late in life for me, which I think most people would give up and be like, fuck that. I'm already a touring comic. I'm on TV. I don't need that. But it's something I wanted and I knew I wanted. So I just humbly went after it. And then I think I still apply it when it comes to... Selling tickets or selling a project to the fans.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  43. “I was hungover and I just thought he was going to say happy birthday. So I picked up the phone and I was like, hey, and he was like, you are a tremendous piece of shit. And he broke me off. You have no humility. You have no this. You'll never succeed anything. You're lying to yourself. You're lying to everyone around you. You're not doing after your dream. I broke you. I failed you as a father. This and that. I was like, I thought you were going to wish me a happy birthday In that speech he told me if I wanted something I had to go at it and I had to go after it as hard as I could and I had to do whatever it could I could do to achieve that. In this case it was working, offering to do anything at the comedy club to get on stage. I told him, man, that's not how it works. And he said, No, that's how it works for some poor kid from Harlem.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  44. “It's not going to make sense. I want to feel like sometimes I'm like a professional fucking wrestler because all I care about is you come and see me do stand up. So whatever I got to do to get you there. But the number one thing, my one takeaway from that man's humility and... I've applied it in different ways throughout my career. On my 26th birthday, he gave me a really aggressive speech.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  45. “Yeah, he came out, he was sobbing, crying, and he goes, I've underestimated you your whole life. And I was like, what? And he was like, and he just, and he was shaking. He goes, I just underestimated you. I didn't know you were this. Whatever. It was really hard to understand them, to be honest with you. I don't know totally what he said. He might have just not liked the movie.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  46. “So I got to figure it out. Like, I wonder, I'm going to find out my dad dies one day or my mom. But my dad will be the rough one. My mom will be equally as rough. My dad and I were really close. And I wonder if I've thought about this a lot, if I'll have a drink dealing with that. Like, I think about that a lot. I keep saying everything I get with my dad is extra. My dad, my dad had a 100% blockage in his widow maker twice. And both times they saved his life and he got a stint, I think, 12 or 13 years ago. And then he just got a stint this last year. So everything I get to do, I feel like is extra. And so, you know, he was just at the premiere of my movie and he got to see that and he had a very emotional response. And I got that from him. And I was like, that's a little icing on the cake. I did, you know, the arena in Tampa was the first time you ever saw me do stand up. That was like a little extra.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  47. “Yeah. Heartbreak's a weird one for me. So, like, the last time I got my heart broken at Leanne dumped me, we were dating for like four months and she broke up with me. And my instinct was to have a drink. My friends went to this Middle Eastern restaurant and I told him what was going on. And my buddy Cor's like, let's get a cocktail. And I was like, I don't want one. I got to figure this out because I want this chick. And if I start drinking, I'll be like, ah, fuck it.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  48. “So I had a chick break up or a chick cheat on me when I came back from Russia and she slept with my best friend and I didn't know how to deal with the emotions I had and my buddy Mike Osborne said, I can tell you this if you drink, they go away. And I went, okay. And that was the first and kind of last time I ever did that. because I did it. I've done it. I've done it a couple times, but I try to avoid if there's emotion going to alcohol. Like meaning not when it's anxiety, but like depression. Kind of sit in the depression or anxiety. I lean towards alcohol, like anxiety about flying or just getting worked up over something. But with depression, I try to avoid alcohol and just sit in it. Because I've gone there before, but anxiety is, I land, I land all the time.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  49. “And then your wife's like, wait, have you been drinking? You're like, yeah, I'm drinking by myself in a fucking mall on Christmas. How sad do you think I am? And then you go, yeah, I am.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  50. “And your wife says, All right, let's all split up. And you go, cool. And it's like 11 o'clock on a Sunday. And they just opened that bar by the elevator in the Beverly Center. And you just sneak over and you go, hey, man, can I get a double jack on the Ross Rots? And they're like, sure, and you just have it. And you just go, let's just, and then you're off. And then you're like, yeah And then you just little sneak one, sneak it, sneak it, and then.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source