YouSaid · the spoken record

Bert Kreischer

lines on the record
179
first
2023-06-05
most recent
2023-06-05
sittings or episodes
1
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podcast

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  1. “I just know I have two extra ones, and then you go through six, and you're like, oh man, I'm not done yet. Dude, I've drank in every alone scenario you can possibly think of. I've drank... I've drank alone in a helicopter with a dude who didn't know I was drinking. He was like, can I drink in here? And he's like, absolutely not. And then I poured it into a flask and opened it and drank it. And he's like, dude, we're in a fucking helicopter. You don't think I smell that? The best alone drinking you can ever do, in my opinion. Now we're getting into the weeds on it. Is alone behind someone's back”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  2. “And you're packing your bag, and you got a flight at 6 a.m. But roadhouse is on, and you're like, so you go down to the front desk and go, is the bar still open? And they go, yeah, can I order some to take to my room? Sure. How about six Heinekens? Six Heinekens. Yeah, my wife wanted one too. She's not up there You murdered her. And you just say to yourself, I'm just getting sick so that if I have four”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  3. “Fucking refreshing and the buzz is perfect. It's not too much because it's just a little bit of champagne and some kampari. If the buzz is perfect and then a couple of them and then they kind of disappear and then you're just walking around again. That's a great fucking drink”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  4. “You're in Italy and you've been walking around Venice and everyone went their own ways and the whole family comes back together and you meet at a statue and your wife's sweating and she's uncomfortable and your daughters are sixteen and eighteen and they're like what are we doing with the rest of the day? And you go, hey guys, it's Europe. Does anyone want a capari spritz? And everyone goes, I don't know what that is. And you go, for Kapari Spritz. Now it's minor and alcohol, so it's not going to light them up, but it gives them a little bit of a buzz where they're like, dad, these are nice. Island didn't drink hers, so I drank hers. Georgia had hers. Leanne had hers. And we ordered another round. I ordered.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  5. “There's a bitterness and like a, it's just not great. And then someone introduced me to a Negroni, which is Campari and gin and a little soda water. And then Campari spritz. Kampari Spritz is Kampari Prosecco and soda water. In like a wine glass, and it is So enjoyable. It's got so many different profiles to it where you get the bitterness, but the sweetness of the prosecco, and then it flattens it out with the soda water and it looks like Kool-Aid. So I love it. That's one of my favorite drinks.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  6. “Party is an interesting alcohol because I think it's a bitter or it's a liqueur and it's got a weird rooty earthy taste. It's red, so it looks like Kool-Aid. That's why I got into it. I thought Camparion Ice would be oh so nice. It was an old commercial. But man, it's fucking like sucking the green giant's dick. It is earthy.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  7. “Me and him because we're trying to make each other laugh. But I'll tell you if we're going back to drinks, I'll tell you. Like a great afternoon drink is a Capari Spritz. It's one of my favorite drinks in the world.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  8. “Yeah. We have a lot of history. There's a lot of things, secrets we know about each other, and there's a lot of secrets going on each other's lives that I would never share on podcasts that I can talk to him about. And I really appreciate his. And I know this isn't on brand of us beating each other up, but I really appreciate his insight as a dad and as a dude and as a son. But he makes me giggle harder than anyone. So doing a podcast is fun.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  9. “It's just a chance to really sit down. I enjoy it because of the people I could never sit down with. Like David Cross, I wouldn't never sit down with David Cross because we don't run in the same circles, but it's nice he has something to promote. And then he comes to my house, and then we can sit down for an hour and talk. Or Kevin Smith. Like people I would never really hang out with. Tom. I enjoy being alone with Tom Moore.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  10. “And then, like, that's a good one. I haven't hung out with Joe by ourselves. I take that back. I was with him the other night. But it would be cool. My times with Joe's are always on podcasts. I missed the times where you just have you and him at the store late night.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  11. “Going to be whiskey. It's going to be like a nice whiskey. No, I like it on the rocks, and I like lots of rocks. It won't be something expensive because Rogan is not, he's not a fancy boy, you know? Like he's a real regular, he's a really regular dude. He's gotten less regular the more millions of dollars he has. There's parts of him where you're like... Where you're like, oh wow, we can do this. But he's a he'd be like Jack on the rocks or like Buffalo Trace or one of the maybe whiskey he's buying. Rogan B. Whiskey rocks.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  12. “So, when you get your pledge pin They take you out and their whole thing is you're going to we're getting you fucked up. That energy is not my energy. I don't like that. Like, it's, I just go, why don't we just get drunk and feel really good about ourselves? Like, I never took mushrooms to see Jesus. I just wanted to enjoy Raynex on a windshield. So that for me is like one of my things. So if Kim Jong-un flew me to North Korea to drink with him, I'd be like, I'd have to start really getting blackout drunk on the plane to enjoy drinking with him that day.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  13. “Taking you out tonight, we're drinking. And then I go, oh, that's not the way I like to do it. It gives me anxiety. Our lives are very different. Yeah, were you uniform?”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  14. “Okay, so I say things like that, but then I'm sure I don't know if you've ever partied with someone who just parties a little different than you, and then you notice sometimes athletes. And then, like, you're at a strip club, and then they talk weird to a woman. You're like, oh, that's not me, I'm so sorry. So that would be the thing, the atrocities would be hard to get past with them.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  15. “You think my IVs are good in the morning? You know, Kim Jong-un's IVs are next. You're like, I feel up. And he's like, it's amphetamine. He would be a badass to drink with.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  16. “What a fucking badass thing. You know, he taught the queen. The queen was like a window licking idiot, right? Like a third grade education. So like. Her dad dies, and she's like 10 or 12 or whatever. The first thing they do is they pull her out of school. They're like, you're done learning, you're just going to be the queen. This is what you need to learn. Don't make, let people make eye contact with you. Put your hand out like this. Don't let people touch you. So she had like a really, I saw that, by the way, I didn't do this research. I just watched the crown, okay? And Winston Churchill kind of taught her about world politics and was like, they like come in and she'd be like, Winston, what did we do in Africa? He's like, this is going to be a tough one. And so, yeah, so but Winston Churchill's the badass. But if I had to drink with someone living, like drink. There's two obvious ones. Like, honestly, it's fucking Kim Jong-un, right? You kind of want to.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  17. “And so I have breakfast in bed with a soft scotch, and I just party all fucking day. That would be the guy to drink with. That would be the guy if you could pick anyone to drink with.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  18. “I found out about his daily routine. So his daily routine was a big breakfast, cigar, coffee, eggs sunny side up, toast, bacon, sausage, tomato, beans, fruit, orange juice, soft scotch, cigar in bed, and he'd sit there for three hours. He'd hold morning breakfast. And they'd come in and he'd run through his day. And then he'd get in the bathtub for fucking an hour and drink champagne. And then he'd go to lunch and have some goose or whatever the fuck they ate back then with more champagne And then, I mean, he'd take a nap. And I love that. So every year on the day of his death, I think he's January 24th. I celebrate Winston Churchill's life by living the way he did”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  19. “Also, not much. Horace Yelston would have been a You would have been a fucking good one. I mean, like, I go, Hitler was a pussy. Like, he drank wine with a spoonful of sugar in it.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  20. “As much as I know about people, and I like there's people I'm fans of that don't know who I am, that are like some pitcher in fucking Florida that I follow the kids. It's fun to watch them pitch. There was a softball player in Tempe that do catching drills. And I was really into softball with my daughter. We watched her catching girls. There's a girl D-glazer who, me and my daughters would watch her dance videos, and then I hit her up. She's like, you know who I am? And you're like, oh yeah, that's the way the world works.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  21. “Like, that's, I mean, that's the thing where I go. It's gotten really crazy. The internet's really insane, and Netflix is really insane. And the reach of like people that is really simple, but like, I'm a big fan of the show Drink Champs. I didn't think in a million years Nori would ever know who I was. And then he offered me to come to his podcast. And then when I got there, he told me he was a fan of mine. And I went, like, I remember moving to New York, listening to you and Capone. Like, I'm sitting there going, wow. And the phone calls I've gotten since the movie came out and since Razzle Dazzle came out have been really insane when you realize”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  22. “I'm not that guy. I'm telling you everything that comes out of my mouth the second it comes out, I'm gonna be 100% honest. I don't know any other way to live. I kind of hope so. That would be fucking cool. And I look, I know he's a bad dude. I don't follow politics, Don, but it would be cool if like one day someone's like, he's on his computer and some guy goes, and he's like, and he's like, and he's like, and it shows it to him. And then he's like, fucking this guy, huh?”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  23. “I hope so. I hope so. I hope so. But there's a part of me that you got to understand is like, I'm not. I say stuff like that. I'm sure there's someone who hears that, and they go, Who is this fucking narcissist? You're like, no, that's not it. I'm just telling you the truth. Like, I understand what I'm supposed to say. Well, you know, I don't know. I don't know. That's hard to say. But I don't fucking give a shit about that guy.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  24. “Think, I don't know, I really wish I don't know. I think it's a good story. I think it's a good story. I think everyone has something similar that happened in their life where they had a crazy night. That no one believed? And they told their friends, or they experienced that with a friend like that. And I think. I think that's got to be it. I really don't know. I think there's a part of the community of comedy fans that were that early Death Squad that was fun to watch someone take something from the podcast and turn it into a bit on stage. I think there was a lot of that, but I think people identify with a wild, crazy night that got out of control that they've probably had too, I think. I don't fucking know.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  25. “That's when the joke comes out purest for me, and then it's always chasing back to get that first telling. Some jokes are different, like the machine, obviously, there's a much longer story and escape room for this one. The longer stories take a little work, but the simple ones, like the deaf child in pajamas and those first times are perfect.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  26. “And I tried to fuck and razzle dazzle that joke into like a fifteen minute bit. It got to the point where it was so bad that I told him I did a podcast with him. I said, what did you like about that joke? Because I can't get it to work anymore. He goes, it was just simple. It was simple that your daughter didn't know how they figure out where deaf kids lived. I'm like, that's it. He's like, yeah, I was like, nothing about gun control. And he was like, huh? I was like, oh, fuck, man. I really fucked that joke up. And then I had to go back to the beginning of it. But that first time.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  27. “First time I tell it, the first time I tell it, it's perfect Perfect, it just works. And then I go great, and then I take it and I try to fix it and make it better and jazzier. I just joke and razzle dazzle about my daughters and I drive past this deaf child sign. And I just told it on stage. It just happened. And Louis was in the audience. I love that joke. I said, Really? He was, yeah, and I just told it. And I went, done. Louis CK says he likes a joke. It's fucking, it's in the special.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  28. “Yeah, that is fucking badass. Yeah. And then I'm like always late to the party with anything. And then that night we were all doing Coke. And it was like five in the morning and we ended up on the roof of my apartment in Greenwich Village. I'm a sunset guy grew up in Florida, but Sunrises in New York are electric blue. Like electric blue. And I was like, the sun also rises.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  29. “I agree, I agree. Well, I agree with that with journaling. I can't write. I can't write stand up. But if I journal, I'll find something that I go just write, kind of writing where the pen's moving faster than your brain and they're kind of like doing it together. The thing I liked about Ernest Hemingway, this is so stupid. I'm a little dyslexic and so I'm not a good reader. And so he wrote very simply. It wasn't until after I read a bunch of Ernest Hemingway. I was working at Parson Noble, and this person said, Don't you love his titles? And I was like, yeah, sun also rises. And they're like, yeah, but no, the sun also rises. And I was like, yeah, sun also rises. And they're like, no, the sun also rises. And I went.”

    2023-06-05 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #382 – Bert Kreischer: Comedy, Drinking, Rogan, Segura, Churchill & Kim Jong Un · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source