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Dr. Becky Kennedy

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2024-12-26
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2024-12-26
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  1. “Let's say go to your local library and kind of request the book if it's not in, definitely get on the request list for good inside. I would say come to goodinside.com and sign up for our emails. I'm bursting with new thoughts all the time and I always need containers for them. So one container is our email, our kind of weekly thoughts for me on Thursdays I send out Instagram my own podcast, I should say. I'm on a podcast now podcast listeners usually listen to other podcasts. So maybe that's best. That's just called good inside. We try to keep it simple. And goodinside.com is kind of the home for everything we do. And then I would say if your kid is, I love to help people whose kids aren't just struggling. It's kind of like waiting to go to marriage counseling until you're in a problem. It's never the best, but a lot of us wait. I really think of our resources inside our app as, you know, about your kids and your own emotional wellness. I think we make that very accessible, you know, compared to other emotional wellness resources. So that's there too.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  2. “And so, again, maybe we end with what we begin with is the most powerful relationship strategy, I believe we have in any relationship is repair. It's our willingness to go back, to take responsibility, to say, hey, I wish I handled that differently, to then hopefully actually do a little bit of like the investigation or resourcing we need to actually do it differently. But I want to leave parents or any listener with that. There's nothing more powerful than repair. There's nothing as important to get good at as repair, which also means you have to mess up because the only way you can repair is if you did mess up. And so I just want to leave people with that more kind of balanced human note because that's the thing I usually hold on to myself.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  3. “Look at something. And so the people who are willing to do that, I just think that's like my type of people, and I love people who can do hard things. So I want to say thank you. And then the thing I want to hold right next to that is everything I said today. And I should have said this in the beginning. Like I myself definitely do not do 100% of the time as a parent. And it really matters to me that people know that. Number one, just because it's true and I don't want to misrepresent myself, but there's no perfect parent. Kids don't need a perfect parent that would again be weird if we set our kid to think that their most important relationships down the road are going to be with people who are always perfectly attuned to their every feeling and need. That would be very counterproductive.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  4. “I feel like that's very brave because to do that, you're going to be confronted by feelings of like, oh shoot, I'm going to do that. And we all have wondering questions of did I mess my kid up, which you didn't, but we wonder it and then we feel upset. And then to kind of push forward and say like, okay, I'm going to tolerate those feelings in the pursuit of finding something that's going to end up feeling better to me. I just find I find it very admirable and increasingly hard to do in today's world that we're all oriented around short-term convenience and gratification. And so for anyone listening at this point, I just want to say thank you. I want to say, you know, there's probably a lot of tolerance of uncomfortable emotions along the way. No one we care about in the world and the way that we care about our kids. We're so invested in it. So thinking about getting support, thinking about taking a workshop or getting a resource on some level, it seems like, well, yeah, as a person I care the most about. I'm going to do that. But there is this like pull away of like, ooh, I don't know if I want to.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  5. “No, I mean, I think that I find learning and reflection to be really such a brave endeavor. I really, really do. Because if you're thinking about yourself or thinking about why we do the things the way we do, or oh, maybe I do want to intervene differently. Like there's probably someone at this point saying maybe my kid is a deeply feeling kid.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  6. “That's right. And so holding boundaries, you get better when you picture that tennis court and you start to ask yourself, am I really feeling guilt? It's probably not. Can I give that person's feelings back and then empathy actually helps you hold a boundary? Oh, I get it, mom. You wish you could come over. I know I'd be upset if I were you too. Oh, does that mean I can come over? No, it doesn't. I'm just saying I understand. So that visual, I think, is powerful. Enniscort.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  7. “Because as long as you're taking on the feelings, you can't empathize. You're responding to your mom to take care of your own feelings that weren't yours.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  8. “Of comes over to me. I'm like, I can't. What you have to do is actually must put your hands up and like push it back. And actually the visual is powerful. That's my kid's feeling. Or my mom is upset. She can't come over. If I actually think about it, that makes sense. I'm allowed to say no, and they're allowed to be upset is like a great life mantra. They're equally true. No one's a bad person. My mom is not a bad person for feeling upset that she can't see her grandkid. I am not a bad person for saying the time doesn't work for me. Those two things just happen not to kind of be in line with each other, so I have to hold them at the same time. They're both true. Neither is wrong and neither is more true than the other. And if you see your mom's feelings as realically, now you could actually empathize with her.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  9. “Is someone else's feelings that you're feeling for them. And not only is that not good for you, it's actually awful for the other person. Because if you metabolize, let's say, your kid's feelings for them, they never learn to deal with the stress, you can also never empathize, because the only reason I can empathize is if I actually see your feelings as yours. So I actually have to, and I do this exercise in this workshop, where I'll say to someone, you have to give that feeling back to its rightful owner. So let's say I take my kid to a toy store and I say to my friend, I really do want to say no to them, but I have the money and I feel so guilty. And even though I want to say no, okay, but now maybe it's not guilt. How do I deal with that? What happens is you're on one side of the tennis court and your kids' frustration, distress kind of starts to come over. And instead of going and hitting against the gospel and going back to them, which by the way is what you want. You need people's feelings to stay on their side of the court.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  10. “Because you're acting in alignment with your values. So then begs the question what is it? It's our tendency to see other people's distress on their side of the tennis court. And this usually happens in childhood. We learn. We kind of say, I will take that for you. I will take, you're upset and bring it to my body and put it in my body to kind of metabolize it for you. And I will call it guilt. But it's not guilt.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  11. “In my mind, guilt is a feeling you have when you're acting out of alignment with your values. That's why guilt is useful. If I yelled at a taxi on the way home tonight, I would feel guilty because that's not my values to yell at anyone, definitely not someone trying to help me. That guilt would make me reflect. Huh, I wonder why I yelled. What could I have done differently? Useful. But it's interesting when people say, I set a boundary with my mom because I just need the alone family time. But I feel guilty. I said no to my kid because I don't want to buy them everything at a toy store and I feel guilty. It's not guilt. Sexually life-changing. It's not guilt.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  12. “Okay, the reason boundaries become hard to hold, because I'm on my side setting a boundary. So maybe it's saying to my mom, oh, you want to come over to see the kids. It doesn't work for us. We have to find another day. Or maybe it's saying to my kids, oh, TV time is over. Or, no, sweetie. We're here to buy a birthday present for your cousin, but I'm not going to buy anything else, even though you see that thing you want. That's my boundary. And on your side is your feelings. So if you're my mom, you're upset. And maybe your version of upset is guilting me, who knows, right? And maybe if you're my kid in the toy store, you're upset, probably your version is screaming meltdown or who knows what it is, right? We say to ourselves all the time is I can't set boundaries, I feel so guilty, right?”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  13. “Whatever the reason is, right? And then I think one of the best things with scripts when you're saying no naming your intention, naming it, not just thinking it is really helpful in communication. I'm really excited about recording. I am unable to do this. I would love to find another time, right? Making it really, really obvious what your intention is really does get in a helpful way. It prevents someone else from misinterpreting it, from you thinking, oh, Becky just doesn't want to be in my podcast, right? And it also makes me feel sturdier because I'm kind of connecting to you along the way. One of the ways to think about boundaries and how to actually set them because there's a lot of people who are like, I know I want to set them, but it's the holding. And I just feel so uncomfortable and my mom's mad at me or my kid's mad at me. Okay. So right now we're sitting on opposite sides of the table, but imagine we're on a tennis court. I'm on one side of the court behind the baseline and you're on the other side. But instead of a net, I don't know, there's like a glass wall. So like I could see you, but whatever happens on your side would stay on your side.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  14. “You've lost your and your fantasy. Exactly. Tim's probably like, why are you spending so much time in my head? I would have just figured it out with you. That's what we do. So I think step one is actually coming back to ourselves. Like, why am I saying no? Okay, I'm saying no because I don't know. pick up my kids from school or whatever it is right it actually becomes a lot more self-evident i'm not able to make that time because”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  15. “How do I say no? I think saying no well really comes from knowing your why and really being grounded more in your experience than the other persons. The reason it's hard for someone to say no is because they've actually already vacated their body and if it's me let's say you know here we are on Monday, but let's say you ask me, hey, can you do Monday at 330? I'm like, oh, I really can't for whatever reason. Oh my God, what is Tim going to think about me? And is Tim going to be really upset? What am I going to say when Tim says that that's the only time? You can't say no from that place because you're no in setting a boundary comes from a place of authority. And if I vacated my body and I am now spending all my time in Tim's head, you've lost yourself.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  16. “Right? It's like questions are roads you walk down. To make sure the road is like the destination you want to end in, not kind of a cliff or something unproductive. And I'll share some of them here just because some of them aren't going to put out there.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  17. “An impossible question. How do I say no and tolerate someone being upset is a great question. Love that question. So I'll shift to that. Usually when we feel”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  18. “Honestly, almost always when I'm asked a question, my answer is almost always reframing the question. How do I say no without someone getting upset? I mean this with love is just a bad question. It's a bad question.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  19. “What do I do when my kids having a meltdown that like I just totally don't understand? So, what do I do when my kids freaking out about something I don't understand? Anything about boundaries and saying no? How do I say no to someone without feeling guilty? How do I say no to my in-laws when they keep popping over? So anything about saying no and boundaries and repair. Yeah, I feel really stuck, and I just can't get myself to go to my kids' room and say the thing. I always feel like a script is like a door opening. Sometimes we need someone to open the door for us. And then when you get in the room, like, okay, I can do this. That's kind of what a script can”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  20. “Our kids' problems, they're really a signal that probably there are so many opportunities for us to learn things that are, yes, going to help them, but are going to end up helping us even more. I want for parents, really, to feel like they do more than just put out the latest fire in their home.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  21. “And I think the resources again that I always want for parents extend so beyond just your interactions with your kids. Like learning to set real boundaries is life-giving, like in every area of your life. And I think that's why when people are kind of involved in the good and side system for a while, like when we interview users, it's interesting after a little while to say, oh, I asked for a raise for the first time. My girlfriend from college always go away. And honestly, my partner always gives me a hard time every year. And so I don't forgo. For the first time, I realized, wait, Dr. Becky, like you said, those are my partner's feelings. I can care about them, but I don't have to take care of them, meaning my partner can be upset and I can go on my trip. And then we always say, what about those tantrums? Remember how you can't? And they were like, oh, is that why I came in? Right. So I think what I want for parents and what I'd want the billboards.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  22. “Created, especially for women, and shame leads to an animal defense free state. Freeze. You don't act. So what's kind of amazing and fucked up is if you can convince women that they should be able to parent on maternal instinct alone. It's just a great way of kind of ensuring moms forever feel really bad about themselves and don't talk about it. Yeah.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  23. “Oh, just some version of part of me, I like to be punchy if I was going to put something on a billboard. I wanted to create, you know, a conversation. So maybe I'd say something like there's no such thing as maternal instinct, not because I even fully believe that, but just to start a conversation on the limitations of that framework. And I think the massive amount of shame.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  24. “A surgical instinct, or I get my surgical tips on Instagram, and I think that's enough. You would say to a doctor, yeah, that's cool. You want to stay up to date on some tips, but you probably need a foundation. And I think this goes back to fault, you know, where it goes back to how when we struggle, especially as women, we tend to think it's our fault instead of maybe something more useful, like a little bit of anger of like, wow, the system is pretty stacked against me. Nobody is setting me up to have clarity in my job, to know what to do and to actually feel resourced and supported. And then I think we'd find parenting hard, but we wouldn't find it as impossible as we find it today.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  25. “And we're socialized to think we're supposed to be learning before like a CPR class, a pregnancy class. And then once your baby's like one, the narrative I hear from parents, we hear this, honestly. Because that good insight, I think, way more than trying to help you through a tantrum. We're trying to elevate parenting. Parenting deserves education because that's a good compliment with instinct. Like there are things to learn. It doesn't come naturally. And I really, we have moms especially all the time say, I feel like it's a sign I'm a failure, which to me, I just don't know anyone who goes to medical school and says like, oh, I have to go to medical school to become a doctor. Unlike my friend who, I don't know. This is surgical.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  26. “Right, it's a hard And it's just so interesting that I think we take learning. Seriously at every point in our lives. And then we get the job that's the hardest and most ongoing and most important job we'll ever have.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  27. “It would be one of two things. This is like different versions of a similar idea. Parenting doesn't come naturally. The only thing that comes naturally is how you were parented. Or we were never meant to parent on instinct alone. The whole idea of maternal instinct has had a profound impact on parents, profound and awful. And it's not to say I don't think there's some instinct in us. Obviously, I get that. Would be like a doctor saying, I didn't go to medical school, like, I have surgical instinct, I have surgical instinct, and you're like, yeah, I'm just not going to see you. And if your friend said that.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  28. “This feels hard because it is hard, not because I'm doing something wrong. Difference between understanding something's hard because it is versus thinking it's hard because basically you failed has massive life implications on what we'd be willing to take on next as a challenge. But yeah, that's just a hard math problem. If it feels hard, that's because you're doing it right because it's supposed to be hard. Oh, I'm doing it right versus I'm not good at math. I mean, it's just remarkable, especially academically when kids are young, how powerful that is. If I could put something different on a billboard, you're sponsoring many branding campaigns when it comes to you.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  29. “Okay, so I'm going to start with. That's probably most linked to our conversation so far, just my ultimate mantra. This feels hard because it is hard, not because I'm doing something wrong. And again, to me the idea that we struggle and it doesn't mean it's our fault. Life changing. I remember during COVID when my kids were doing work and like work from home, you know, when they were in school at home, that was like the thing I put on their desks. And I think when you're talking about kids working on math or learning how to read, doing a puzzle or doing something at work or managing your first conflict and your romantic relationship.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  30. “Than you know how you feel now again, the boundaries matter. Might there be a time, especially when she was younger, I'd say, I get it. You smell it. It's awful. You smell things I don't smell. And I'm picking you up. I have to carry you in the garage. That's independent from my action. But again, when we can't separate those two, we usually say super invalidating things to DFKs. We tell them they're dramatic. We tell them they're making a big deal out of nothing. A principle of all human behavior is we all need to be believed. And so if you don't get believed, you escalate the expression of your behavior in desperation to be believed. Then usually people lead with more invalidation, which means you escalate behavior further to try to get the original thing you were looking for. And with deeply feeling kids and parents, that's a cycle we really reverse.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  31. “And we'd be getting near the garage where we park our car. And she would not want to go into the garage. The smells of even near the garage so easy is apparent to say something to a kid like you're so crazy. What are you talking about? It doesn't smell any different outside here. And if you think about what you're really doing is you're saying to a kid, I know how you feel.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  32. “Story. Well, you're probably what I would say is a deeply feeling kid. Mine too. And I say to her, You're a super sensor because with these kids. I live in New York City”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  33. “I remember with my own daughter and talking to clients. I had all these clients at the time who had these kids because I was kind of getting these referrals from these kids labeled as oppositional defiant disorder, difficult, dramatic. All of these diagnoses, I was like, wow, oppositional defiant disorder, you cannot like a child who you label as oppositional defiant. And we were all trying these things and everyone at the same time was like the sitting down and kind of imagining yourself in this just really sturdy way, it shortened the meltdown by like 90%. And again, that came directly from my work with i think so many of my best interventions come from actually the work I did with adults understanding what adults needed when they were kids and reverse engineering that to today's parents”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  34. “When you do this, and it's more details than just this, your kid will end by crawling over to you like a dog and coming into your lap for a hug because that's like exactly what they need. But that idea that you can't even be standing, I kind of knew in these moments she was screaming, get out. I was like, you're not in a place to be making good decisions for yourself. It would be like if my kid was trying to cross New York City Street, completely out of control, like, don't hold my hand. Be like, you're about to die in our coming traffic. Like, there's something deeper. I'm going to hold you. And I knew I had to be in the room. But I remember as soon as my client told me this thing about sitting down.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  35. “And I kind of explored that in the imagery, which is if she's standing, I just believe she's about to leave. Like, I don't believe she's committed to this. So she was sitting at the door. And I'm like, okay, so she's sitting at the door. This goes into so much more about deeply feeling kids, but in these moments they need containment. They literally need to be with you in a smaller space because they're so fearful of how their feelings come out of them and like take up all the space that they need to essentially have us hold space with them. Like your feelings only go this far and I'm sitting with you at the door. Like I would never let you kill both of us. So my sitting here with you is almost a way of saying like you are not so bad and awful and toxic after all and if I cannot be scared of this one day you will not and every fucking time”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  36. “Exactly. This is what helped me so much with deeply feeling kids. One of the things, I'm just giving you one example. Like, okay, so I don't remember if it was her mom or just some sturdy adult who wasn't seeming scared of her. I said, so she's standing at the door with you. And I remember this woman saying she's not standing. She has to be sitting.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  37. “We're completely out of control and overwhelmed, and we scream things out in that state, our words are not our wishes. Our words are our fears. And I think even the visual, if you have a kid like this, what they're screaming, they're actually screaming to their feelings, not to you. Get out. Leave me alone. I have the chills. Like they're not talking to a parent. They're talking to these like terrifying sensations in their body. So we went through this visual and I'm in the room kind of like visually.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  38. “Remember going through what she needed in that moment. And I remember kind of going through this visual of this wise adult being in her room with her, staying, even though she screamed, get out. Because I always say with deeply feeling kids, when they're in that 10 out of 10 state, their words are not their wishes. They're their fears. Honestly, all of us, most of us.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  39. “I really am as bad and toxic as I worried I was. And we see this all the time in adulthood act itself out. And so this is a good example of what came from this most amazing adult I worked with forever. We went back to this moment of childhood work again. She'd be in her room because these kids would be in their room and they're out of control, screaming at a parent. Get out. And kids are oriented by attachment, which is a system of proximity. So when they say get out, not calmly. We all say get out. Someone's like, sure, I'll get out, but they're like not in a place to be making a decision. What they're really saying is I'm so terrified I'm going to terrify you. And I'm so terrified, therefore I'm bad, because if I terrify you so much that you can't even be near me, I'm a vulnerable kid that basically means like I'm not going to survive because I need your attachment to survive.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  40. “The exorcist. It's animalistic. Because these kids, and I call them deeply feeling kids, they experience their feelings as threats. And so if your feeling is a threat in your own body, think about what you would do to get rid of it. You have to expel it onto someone. And they're so porous to the world that they get overwhelmed more easily and they fear being overwhelmed and then they fear they're going to overwhelm you. And basically with these kids, their shame sits so close to their vulnerability. So whenever they feel vulnerable, shame makes it explosive. And then when you try to get close, like, hey, I'm here for you. Or hey, you're mad. It's too close. They actually do. It sounds so existential, but they fear that they are toxic and then they will kind of make you toxic. And so they say things like, get out. I hate you. Leave me alone. And then as parents, we kind of take the bait. Fine. I'm just trying to help. And then we leave these kids alone. They're completely 10 out of 10 dysregulated. And then they basically learn.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  41. “Okay, here's an example Your kid has this meltdown. And some parents listen to be like, Yeah, my kid has meltdowns. Okay, I'm not talking about the run of the mill meltdown. I am talking about it truly.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  42. “About probably 30% of the adults I was seeing in private practice for really deep therapy and the struggles I had in adulthood, a lot of fear of abandonment, a lot of emotion dysregulation, a lot of really low self-worth. And it was crazy, Tim. I mean, I was like, oh my God, they were all my daughter. And they were all those kids. Like I saw this whole thing and it led to this body of work where with the adults I was doing this really deep therapy kind of going back to some moments and really reworking them in this like experiential way. And they would tell me things. I'm not joking that I would then do with my daughter.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  43. “And then I feel like after that period, this is usually what happens. I feel overwhelmed. And then I have this thing I say to myself when I'm feeling really overwhelmed and like full of like self-blame and pity where I say like, okay, Becky, wash yourself in it, fully embrace it. You're horrible. Everything's horrible. Like go all the way to the extreme and go to sleep. I say, and tomorrow I'm going to turn it into fire because there's a lot of energy and feeling awful and overwhelmed. And if you can like allow yourself to embrace it and not fight it, then I feel like there's a day where you can like use all of that for something productive. I feel like that's what I did. And I started to connect these crazy dots in my head. I was like, okay, so they're all these families out there who are telling me the same thing. I'm seeing with my kid. Like these kids, when you try to talk to them about their feelings, even in the best way, they explode. Their meltdowns are like animalistic, hissing, growling, like really, I mean, really intense. They act like a caged animal. And then I thought.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  44. “Was telling you to do when I was doing it my son, and I'm watching my kid scream, or by the time she was old enough to talk, like, stop talking, I hate you. And I was like, what are you talking about? I'm being an amazing parent right now. Why are you saying that? I would say for a number of months, I really mean this was like a dark place like what is going on and what is my kid and why can't I give to her the way I know I can show up for my other one”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  45. “Kind of in these sessions would make me have to innovate. I'm like, okay, well, that's not working. And I kind of do love problems and thinking through things like, try this, try this, you know. And then I had my second kid. And I feel like after a year and a half, I remember being like, I need to call all of those people that I was secretly judging. It's like, oh my God, I know what you're talking about because I am watching myself do the thing.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  46. “I hear my daughter's voice in this moment saying I started good inside for you. And the reason she says that. Is because I had my first kid, and at this point I also had my private practice, and my first kid definitely had his meltdowns. He had his difficult moments, but there was something relatively linear, relatively about his development. I kind of did the thing, okay, oh, you're so upset. You're going to figure it out. I'm here with you. No, you can't have that truck. I'm holding it. I'm keeping you safe. And he kind of responded in kind. He would kind of, okay. And then I'd have all these people in my practice saying, Dr. Becky, like I'm doing the things you're saying, but I swear they're making everything worse. It's making everything worse. It's not working. And even though I, in general, like curiosity over judgment in the back of my head, I was thinking when anyone would think, like you're just not doing it right. You know, you're not doing it right. That's all. But moving on. And then it actually.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  47. “Where they are, and I can almost see a more capable version of them than they can access. By the way, I think great CEOs do this too.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  48. “Exactly it. To me, one of the most important things for building capability and anti-fragility is actually this idea of validation capability. This is hard and I can do it. Often when you do only one with a kid, it backfires. So we'll be like, this is really hard. It makes sense you're nervous about practice. Ooh. And we just live in that world. And sometimes our kid feels like, you're validating my emotions, but I'm just kind of like building my anxiety, or we leave that out and we do the opposite. It's no big deal. It's just a basketball team. You're going to be fine. Kids have been doing basketball forever, right? That's often not great. And we think that's like building resilience. The lack of validation doesn't help your kid cope with the emotion. And so it's also not that helpful. Both is really powerful. Makes sense that you're nervous and you're a kid who can do hard things. Oh, it makes sense. You're not sure how this is going to go and you're feeling a little uneasy. And I just know five minutes in it's going to feel a little easier. That idea that I can see my kids.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  49. “Make sense you're nervous to do something new. And then after, you know, we walked home and he said, you know, I think when they introduced everyone, I felt better, you know. I said, you'll probably be a little less nervous at next practice, but you also will be a little nervous. And I think this idea of like when we build our kids' capability, your friend who has all those challenges, that sounds amazing. And there's all different ways to do things in different families. I guess for me, I see with my kids, there's so many opportunities in life.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  50. “He tried out, he made two teams for different sports where he knew nobody. He knew no kids. Me, this is such an amazing life experience. Joining a team you know nobody. And I would say in both teams, he's not on the stronger end. That's a really powerful life experience in terms of, again, the capability you will build. We think our kids are going to find the capability before. And then we get frustrated. Come on, you can do it. It's not a big deal. Everybody in life finds capability after surviving, not even after thriving. Just after surviving something hard. The capability is on the other side. You can't expect someone to access it before. You just have to tolerate the before. Now, I think it could be easy to remove that. I'm going to make sure I call a friend to join the team with you, right? And in some ways, we take our own anxiety and we add it. You know what I mean? Versus I really felt like my job to me, here's such a powerful line. I remember before he went to his first basket of practice and this team happened to be a team that they already knew each other for a year. So not only did he know anyone, there was, you know, some really nervous. I said, that makes sense. I almost feel nervous if you weren't nervous.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT