YouSaid · the spoken record

Dr. Becky Kennedy

lines on the record: 160
first: 2024-12-26
most recent: 2024-12-26
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

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“Is something. He really is. He's my kid who wanted to get money to get a certain baseball card that my oldest son and he was going to the store and he didn't have money. Had two somewhat loose teeth, and he pulled them both out by the end of the day. Because he figured he could get money from the tooth of fairy.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But we can't expect them to expect anything different if that's kind of been what we create for them during their formative years. So here's a good example. I'll talk about my youngest.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Doing their job for them and not narrowing the range of their resilience. If my kid is only resilient when they get the job and have an easy project and go to a dinner where all their friends are and get driven there and there's never any traffic, they're going to be in trouble, right? They're going to be a lot of trouble.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Yes, anti-fragility is definitely a big, big goal. I guess I think that I don't often have to insert that as much as I have to be mindful of not removing it. There's a lot of opportunities for kids to be frustrated, to take on challenges. I mean, we're really talking about feeling uncomfortable.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So yes, again, I think that would fall under my role around the boundaries. That is my job is to keep my kids safe. That doesn't mean no risk. It literally does mean safe. That might lead to hard decisions that my kid's not happy with, but are part of my kind of being the true authority in the adult my kid needs. I do think the emergency landing is the most helpful thing. If my pilot said we're making emergency landing and someone on the plane said, but wait, I have a really important podcast interview with Tim Ferris. And they're like, you know what? Fine, forget it. Don't want that. Our kids are going to face tricky situations. And again, every parent knows the line between safety versus kind of playground. You can't play with us. You're a poopy head, right? And then I think it becomes a little more nuanced there.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's okay, or a pilot being like, we have to make an emergency landing. Everyone vote yes. I need everyone's yes vote. Come on, don't you understand? It's like, you just have to do the thing you need to do when you're in a position of authority.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I don't have to say to them because I know my role. But don't you understand? I don't like we really lower ourselves to our kids level. Like I'm asking my seven-year-old to approve of my decision. Can you imagine a CEO being like, we're going through layoffs if they have to? And they're going to everyone's desk. Is that okay? Is that okay?”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, there, I think one of the things you say to your kid, and I've now said this a bunch of times in this conversation my number one job is to keep my kids safe. That is such a powerful thing to remind yourself. Now, safe doesn't mean risk-free. It doesn't mean I keep my kid in a bubble, but keep my kids safe. And so I'm not going to let my kid hang out with kids who, again, it's not like they have bad manners. It's not like they do something that's like a little pushing the edge and funny like my son did. Like this is kind of where we would say is over the line. So what would I say to my kid? Hey, I want to go hang out with person X and Y? Listen, sweetie, this is part of a bigger conversation. This is where this line helps so much. My number one job is to keep you safe. And sometimes that means not hanging out with certain kids who are doing really dangerous things. And I know as an adult that some of what those kids are doing are dangerous, and so I'm not gonna take you downtown to be with them. Now, again, my kid's probably gonna be.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Definitely concerning. So that would probably be the same almost level to me as a parent is oh, my kid is hanging out with kids. So, again, I think there's legitimate”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Totally. So let's again go to degrees. So torturing animals, that's like kind of a known concerning trait in a child among psychologists. It's part of like a triad, you would say, you know, you know, good grooming.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, I think there's a lot of degrees here. Only apparent listening is saying, okay, when I say bad influence, yeah, like there's stuff that feels legitimately dangerous. My kid's older, there's, I don't know, there's drugs.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I can delight in him. Delighting in your kid is so important as a parent. Your kids feel that. And it changes and it doesn't make behavior okay all of it, but that element, and I think that's what's missing when we're in really bad cycles. We just we love our kid, but we actually really stop liking them. We don't even realize that. And that's really painful for everyone.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But he's maybe like your brother. He thinks funny things. He's industrious. He comes up with his own plans, you know, and I think the idea, wait, have this good kid. Like, I don't have to take this all so seriously. Maybe I can trust myself to know when this veers into the domain of like really bad or too much. And maybe actually what I do is just say, hey, can you not do that again? And maybe I know my son is always going to be a kid looking to kind of push the envelope. Knowing that about him means I'm less surprised. I can set up boundaries a little differently. And I can actually, and this is what I think is missing a lot. And it goes back to knowing your kids a good kid.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“To be like, what is my kids a psychopath? Like, what are you doing, right? But I think for me, maybe it's because my third, what did I do? I think actually the most underutilized strategy in parenting, and this sounds like a joke, but I do want to name it to make it official, is doing nothing, is doing nothing. Because you know what helped me do nothing? I have a good kid did something actually really smart and funny, that's just funny, and he's entertaining himself. Like, I see him as a 20-year-old in college. I know exactly who he's going to be. And I kind of know over time, can like rein it in. And it's not like he does that, like in the middle of his kindergarten classroom, you know.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And I go, Can you not do that anymore? He's like, Yeah, no problem. And he never did it again. No, I think it's really easy.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And the fact that he's my third, me and my husband always say, we delight in him because I think we're less worried, he will do stuff. Like, hey, why do all the bathrooms smell like pee? And we just knew we should ask him. I just knew I should ask him. So when he was like five. He literally goes, oh, well, I just thought it would be funny in every bathroom to first pee into the garbage can and then dump it into the toilet. That might be why. First of all, I just tried to stop myself from laughing. I'm like, that is actually so funny.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I would say I definitely don't think my approach is about pathologizing things or even always like seeing the feeling underneath. I actually think what's core is this idea. And I'm going to say it again, but I really think it's so different from how we usually intervene that it is worth repeating, that you have a good kid underneath whatever is happening there. So, okay, why is my good kid stirring the pop, right? And my third kid is like this. I mean, the stuff.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That makes it seem like they can be in control, but really they're deeply struggling and they're deeply in pain. And I think that probably helped me see kids struggle and pain underneath their disruptive behaviors.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Think yes, that's the second part of that question what is really underneath people's behavior that's always really driven me. It's why I became a psychologist. Why do good people do things that work against them? Why do good kids act out and lie and do these things? Why do good parents scream and get into these kind of quick fixed cycles even though they don't want to do that? I think I have, again, it's like the curiosity over judgment. Always been really curious about that. And then I guess through especially my work with people who had intense eating disorders, and this was true when I was in private practice too and worked with teens who are really struggling, I think I really understood and saw how desperate they were, like a very sturdy leader who could make good decisions when they couldn't and how they'll say all the things on the surface.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“This kind of conflict around your relationship with anger and taking up space in the world. It's like kind of amazing. Like anorexia, you both take up so much space because you get everyone's attention, right? And you take up no space. You shrink into a pre-pubescent version of yourself. That conflict is being kind of represented in your body. I think bulimia, how much can I want? Is it okay to want things for myself? Can I want things? What is my relationship with desire? I actually think anorexia and bulimia have a lot to do with your relationship with wanting and desire, especially as a woman.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, yeah, I got my PhD from Columbia, then my postdoc year I worked with college students and grad students who were students at Columbia. And I did a specialty in the eating disorder kind of group there. So I saw a good number of eating disorder clients. I had an eating disorder in high school. And so I think through that, and I'd been recovery for a while, I also just started to put more pieces together. A couple things I learned. Our body has this remarkable way to act out conflict if we don't kind of understand it and resolve it. This is like a lot of what anorexia and bulimia are, things that we don't understand, things that live kind of unformulated we're conflicted about and the body expresses it in these horrible, somatic ways through an eating disorder, through so many other things too. But as an example, and this is not true for everyone, but often anorexia”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“On some level, you have drop confusion. You think your job is to get your kid happily into their car seat. If you know your job is to keep your kid safe and to do what you can to try to make it smooth, but then if push comes to shove, you're just going to prioritize safety, and you know that that's you doing your job? You actually don't feel as exhausted by it. Oddly enough, it is like a pilot getting through really intense turbulence. Where on the ground the pilots kind of earn my wings today. Like, you know, you don't earn your wings by a smooth flight.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You better bet you're going to be screaming at your kids all the time because to some degree you're just saying, I miss all the other parts of me that used to light me up. And so I think that's the better question. Now still, when you get there, this is where I think it's so important to establish these good inside it, sturdy, not soft. If your kid won't get into the car seat, okay, hey, we're going to play a game. We've already practiced. We've done the things. There is definitely time and place, sweetie. I'm going to buckle you into the car seat. You're going to scream and cry. You're not going to like it. My number one job is to keep you safe, and so I'm doing that. Again, my kid's going to be screaming. I buckle them and then close the door as I'm walking to the front. And I say to myself, oh my goodness, that was really hard. I'm going to go to bed early tonight. I'm going to call a friend. But again, that's an example. It's actually a good example because I actually heard this exact example from a parent recently that used to drive me bananas. The reason that situation feels so exhausting is because”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So I'll answer that question, but I really do think, again, it's a framework shift question because people say to them all the time. It's like saying, when I drive my car to the cliff, what can I do so I don't fall off the cliff? Like if that was a friend, like, why are you driving to the cliff all the time? How about we recognize that you're on the road to the cliff? When we get to the point as a parent that we are so full of anger, resentment, burnout, that we're about to explode because our kid won't allow us to buckle them into the car seat, the real question, if you want to make a change, is how do I start to recognize I'm on that road way before I get to the cliff? What can I do? Why am I getting there so often? How can I get into a different road? To me, this is the whole idea of rage. This is actually something we talk about. I couldn't sight all the time because when you don't take care of yourself as a parent, when you lose touch with your friends or dance class or whatever the thing that made you feel like you before you had a kid.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“If you don't take care of them when they're small, they get bigger and out of control. So I might end up saying to you at some point in the next day, ooh, now is one of those moments. I need a break. I'm going to take that and I'll be back. And what I'd say to a parent, you can practice this with a kid. They love it. I would actually, okay, let's practice that. Ooh, get off the couch. Oh, you're not listening. Okay. Ooh. Okay. Dad needs a break right now. I'm going to go to my room. What do you do when I go to my room, right? You go to the art room and you color. Like you can actually practice this just the way we practice sports plays. Why do you run a play on a basketball team? In practice, because you know you're not going to do it in the game if you haven't run it over and over in practice. I actually think that's so powerful to think about or interactions with our kids in the same way. Then when the moment comes and you say, ooh, now's one of those times your kid has had a rep already and the whole moment will probably go a lot more.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Evolutionarily to attachment and therefore to proximity and kind of abandonment, that a kid can feel like, oh, did I like make my parent go away? So, hey, I'm feeling frustrated. I need a moment. It's actually such a beautiful self-care. I'm going to go to my room. I'm going to take some breaths and I'll be back. You know, connect with you again in a few minutes or whatever it is. And that's especially powerful. What I want to tell parents listening, if you know your someone, you get reactive, you kind of get to the point where you boil over. Such powerful thing to say to your kid, to preview to them before. Hey, I'm going to start doing something different going forward. Now how sometimes you get upset, I get upset, and then kind of there's like this big screaming moment. I'm really invested as a parent in trying to have that happen less. Just keep a calmer home. And one of the things I'm going to do is start to notice when I'm a little upset, instead of waiting for it to get to a time when I'm very, and you could say to your kid, because that's what happens to feeling.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Stop doing that. That makes mommy so sad. The insinuation that we say out loud that your kid, your three-year-old, is making you feel something is actually especially toxic for kids who said like you were who are kind of rebellious, who already kind of struggle because they know like, I'm a little more powerful in my family dynamic than I should be. People are a little scared of me. And now my parent is confirming that as a three-year-old, I have the power to make her feel a certain way. I think we say because we're so desperate and we're like, nothing's worked. Will this work? But again, we all say all the things and then we repair and try to do a little better the next day, but I'm not such a fan. But what that has got kind of misconstrued as is never tell your kids how you feel. They're totally different. Saying to your kid, that's a great thing to say, hey, I'm getting heated. I need a break. And then I think it's helpful to say to a kid, I love you. I'll be back because kids are so attuned.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There's a big difference between saying to your kid, Hey, I'm really frustrated, I'm taking a breath, I'm taking a break, I'll be back, and saying. You make me yell at you.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“But I would say whenever as a parent you're repeating advice to yourself where you can't even name the person who said that it's a pretty good talk to say I'm not gonna let that take up too much space in my head you know if I don't even know the name of the person who I trust enough to let that live in my head exactly”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Still Difficult So, a couple parts to that question. Number one, there's this thing about I hear it. I've never said, like, you can't tell your kids how you feel. There's all these like random things people ingest. And I'm like, I don't even know who said that, but I think I'm not supposed to do it, to note.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Me and my parent even are on the same team. And that conversation, and I have a lot more to say about being on the same team versus oppositional teams, that's a lot easier to have if I'm less caught up in probably what's happening unconsciously, which is trying to get them to kind of tell me that I'm doing a good job by my kid.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“That's right. But even those conversations are so much easier to have once you've really grounded yourself in what you believe because then the conversation becomes less emotional and here's then how I would handle it after that, how I'm handling Bobby's mouth downs, I think it's different than what comes natural to you. And we've a couple options. I'm happy to kind of go through it and why, you know, I'm also happy if you don't really care about the why. Just share how I would like you to respond. That's in line with the way we're doing things because given you spend a good amount of time with him, it's just confusing for him to hear things so differently. I know you probably don't approve or at least it's going to feel weird because it's so new. And this stuff really matters to me. And then I don't know how egregious it is. Again, is it just different? Is it terrifying? You know, we want to differentiate. But the conversation is kind of...”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“And so that's where I would actually start. So let's say, like, oh, I wish my parents understood my kids' tantrums the way I try to understand them. And instead, my parents tend to say, why aren't you sending Bobby to his room? You know, you have a bad kid or whatever they say.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Sturdier you are in your boundaries, the easier it is to deal with pushback. And in fact, the opposite is true with boundaries. The more I seek approval for my boundaries, the weaker my boundaries become.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think realizing that, and this is the thing when you're a parent, realizing that about your own parents only serves to make your relationship better. Because when you're unconsciously looking for their approval, you get frustrated. You tend to show up in really confusing ways to your kids. You start to do weird things with your kids in front of your parents, almost trying to bridge this gap between how I parent and how my parents want me and my kids are like, who is my parent? They're doing all this weird stuff that they never do. Then we really lose ourselves. So what I would actually say here, which sounds odd and is probably not that dissimilar to what I'd start with with a partner, although I think the dynamic is different with parents, is the first step is actually trying to figure out what do I believe in in my parenting.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“There actually was. I just remember going through my dating life and dating people that, you know, my parents would have some things to say about. And I happen not to have any majorly toxic relationships, but they had opinions. And I just remember one day thinking the way it came up my head is they're not dating this person. Like there was an I. I think there was a boundary. This like I'm in the cockpit. They can be chirpy passengers. But that's actually what they are. And by the way, I love my parents. They're incredible.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Being like doing a good job, and the whole thing becomes very, very toxic. To me, the most liberating thing when you're an adult, and it's just an idea, obviously takes a little to get emotionally there, is I don't need my parents' approval. I remember when I realized that, that's actually amazing. That just changed my life in so many ways.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“What it's like for her. I mean, I think that what happens when you have kids and grandparents are involved. We don't even realize how much unconsciously we're just looking for them to tell us we're doing a good job. And most parents parent differently than their parents did. Most grandparents find that to be almost a criticism of how they parented, they would And so they're interested in criticizing their kids almost as a way of making themselves feel better. And then as the parent, we don't even realize we're back to being five years old.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Maybe that Although there are different dynamics, they're related and different. The grandparent one is a great one because I think there's a lot to unpack there. So if she was here, I'd first probably ask her questions about what it's like for her to parent in a way that's different from, it seems like what her parents think is right. I actually think that's at the core.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“It's just like that's inconvenient that I've spent 10 minutes now dealing with that. I want to be able to finish my grocery shopping. I also think in a relationship. The ability to be curious about your experience and not see that as any reflection on their own experience, which is really the ability to hold multiplicity. Like when you say to a partner, like, oh, I was really upset you didn't text me back. Probably over the partner is their first reaction might be like, I wouldn't have been upset in that situation or whatever. Are you saying I'm a bad person? Or we get very defensive because we find someone's experience of us to be counter of our experience of ourselves. And if we're very secure and sturdy, we'd be able to say to ourselves, okay, I can know what my intention was and I'm not threatened by the fact that Tim was upset that I didn't text him back. I can be curious about it, be like, oh, tell me more about that. Oh, I see that. And I don't see that as like a threat to myself. That to me is probably the ultimate indicator because that happens all the time.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“I think it probably comes up in our life all the time. Like, I don't know how much we're always optimizing for convenience versus like, yeah, let's take the subway, it'll take us a little longer, but like, it's easy enough for, oh, there's a way to restaurant. I really want to go there. Okay, can I tolerate that? Or, oh, I really want to go. I was just invited to this party. It's going to be so cool. I already committed to my friends in this kind of not quote cool, but random group dinner. And like, you know what? I'm going to miss that party. This is like my best friend's, you know, birthday party, whatever it is. Because I think that's one of the things with parenting that people don't talk about enough. It's massively inconvenient. That's really the word I think about all the time. I show up. I'm trying to grocery shop. My four-year-old's having a tantrum.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Number one. To me, I think tolerance for inconvenience. Like a really important part of sturdy leadership, especially with kids.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“So, a couple of things to me, again, being a sturdy leader has nothing to do with being a parent. And while I think it's actually through parenting, and this is the beauty that people have such in their face the work they need to do that they can access that, you're right in pointing out how amazing you're doing some of this work before. So I think number one, again, curiosity over judgment to me is very, very key for any sturdy leader at any age. So when you're dating people, you know, when you're friends with people and in general, they hear something that's happening for you and they're more curious and they are judgmental. Oh, I did this thing. I had this awful interview. Oh, what happened? Tell me about that. Or you even hear that they approach their own life that way, where people who have really intense, rigid judgments about anyone, they tend to be that way with others because they tend to be that way with themselves. And then that's going to be activated probably with kids.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“You can memorize everything you want to say to your kid, but if you don't, an IFS is hugely helpful here, hugely helpful in my reparenting approach and trigger approach if you don't get to know your protector parts. And you don't do that type of work? Then every time when that happens, that part is going to scream out. So the answer to showing up is the parent you want to be is this combination of, yes, I have to put the things on the shelf, but I have to know how to open the door also.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“No, the strategies you need have a lot more to do with you, not because it's your fault. And the beauty is when you work on those strategies where you're triggered with your kid. Guess what? If you're triggered when your kid's whining, it's not the whining. It's probably the fact that whining generally represents helplessness. I would guess if that's a particularly triggering situation, helplessness was very shamed in your own family was probably a pull up your bootstraps kind of family. If you're crying, I'll give you something to cry about family. So you had to shut down your helplessness because it was dangerous. You see it in your kid and you respond to them in the same way people responded to you. Okay, that's like a lot of therapy in 30 seconds. But let's say that's true. Or people are like, wow, that's weird. That's very true.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Have to be able to access it. And so for any parent listening, he's like, that is so me. I know the thing I want to say, but then I just scream my head off at my kid. I would actually say stop learning parenting strategies. You have enough on that shelf for now. What I would focus on are my triggers. What is happening with my kid that I am triggered and I am at a ten out of ten and when you're at a ten out of ten nobody has a key to any lock.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Like, if all of your parenting strategies are on a shelf in a closet, and there's a door to the closet, and in the moment, you're like, I want to get that strategy”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Maybe that's my revealing something. To me, the things we need to learn for our kids when we're parenting, if I think about a strategy or what to do with my kid, it's like something I put on a shelf. That's important. When you open a closet door, you need the things on the shelf to take that are actually useful and feel right and move things forward. But what I hear from parents all the time is I'm learning. I'm learning. I'm memories. I'm messing. But in the moment, I just scream at my kid. And then they say, what's wrong with me? Right, to me, you need the key to the door. That is the closet that has that shelf, right?”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Because it's the idea that if you have a partnership, that you don't have to distribute tasks 50 50, but that the mental load has like a disproportionate impact on your stress and overwhelm. And there needs to be more fair play amongst teammates. And then this might sound like an odd recommendation, but Cheryl Strade's tiny, beautiful things. Cheryl is someone I also wonder, like, do I share DNA with her where I'll read things she writes in there? And I think, oh my goodness, did I steal her thought? I swear I say this in my book. And she has said to me, no, I've always, I worry I plagiarized you, even though my book came out for your book. And it's very interesting. I'm just hearing my own three suggestions and none of them have to do with kids. But maybe that's super fascinating.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT
“Is, I think, so powerful, especially for parents who feel like they're the default parent, meaning they're the parent who maybe their partner takes the kid to soccer, but realizing they have to be signed up for soccer, thinking about what soccer, where to sign up, getting them the shin guards, getting them the new cleats that actually fit and are the ones they want, that idea of mental load, the mental load of parenting is so intense, but she really helps put a words and a system to that that I think makes a lot of parents say like, oh my God, I'm not crazy. Like this is a thing, this is a system.”
2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT