YouSaid · the spoken record

Dr. Becky Kennedy

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160
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2024-12-26
most recent
2024-12-26
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1
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podcast

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  1. “Maybe part of what I struggle with is I think we probably think about that word or that term good parent is like what I'm doing on the surface is something observable or I think a core principle that I think about is actually separating kind of who you are in terms of your identity, which is not observable from what you do and your actions, which usually is observable, separating those two. I mean, but I think a good parent probably sees parenting as a journey of self-growth and discovery as much as they see it about anything related to your kids' growth. I think that's number one. Number two, I think a good parent. Really activates curiosity over judgment in a situation with their kids. And a good parent probably can put into action the idea that really being the sturdiest leader for your kid.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  2. “And then we hear ourselves say to our kids all the time if you just listen the first time, I wouldn't have yelled or like, okay, well, if you were just calmly playing with your sister, then you wouldn't get this reaction from me. And if that creeps us out down the line, like if we wouldn't say, I would be so proud to hear my kids say that to a partner, then I don't know why we think that's a good idea to say to our kids when they're young.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  3. “Is at her. Hear him saying, Well, if you just got toilet paper and ordered me the right thing, I wouldn't be yelling at you. And I picture the criminal like, oh my God, it's like the creepiest thing. Like, seriously”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  4. “So far before them. Now, when my kid doesn't listen, and the morning is delayed, I feel frustrated. And that feeling is definitely co-created with my kid. Separating frustration from my ability to manage the frustration are two really different things. And telling a kid, basically you make me yell, you turn me into a monster is actually holding your kid responsible for your set of skills to manage your feelings. And the other reason, and then I'll be quiet for right now, that I think it's so powerful, is I think about my son. I don't know, it could be my daughter, whatever. He's married one day, let's say, and he has some partner and I don't eat a really bad day at work. And he comes home and for some reason I'm at his house visiting and his partner is like, oh man, I forgot to get toilet paper from the store. And then he sits down for dinner and maybe his partner like ordered him the wrong thing. I don't know.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  5. “The way we react to our kid, yes, has to do with the situation in front of us, but we actually react to the set of feelings in our own body combined with the circuitry we have to manage those feelings. And I think the biggest thing to think about is that circuitry, those skills we have to manage emotions literally predated our kids' existence. That was their...”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  6. “And when I share a script to me, it's often words that are representative of kind of principles. I never like to get too stuck on words. I actually gave those words an example in part because I think it does bring up a lot of questions, but I never want someone to hear this and think, okay, I got to write down that exact word. In general, take responsibility for your actions, give your kid a story, say what you do differently the next time. And I actually would hope anyone listening would say, I think I have my own brand of that. Amazing. That's better for you and your kid than my brand. So with that in mind, it's never your fault when I yell. Here's why I think that's powerful, even if you don't say it to discuss and really think about.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  7. “That would be a repair. I'm kind of going back to a moment that felt bad, kind of like reopening that part of the chapter. I'm taking responsibility for my behavior. I'm giving my kid a story to understand what happened. And I'm kind of talking about what I would do differently the next time.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  8. “And so then you get through the moment, you get through it. And then I think after drop off, there's this like immense heaviness as a parent. And you're cycling through different things that again, whatever your voice's might be your own voice, or it's probably the voice you've internalized from your own upbringing in terms of how people would have responded to you if you were your kid in that moment. But at some version of blame, it's either blame in or blame out. It's either I'm an awful parent. Why can't I stay calm? And why can't I just get through the morning? And then that usually cycles with I've an awful kid and my kids a sociopath and they're going to go to jail and they're never going to amount to anything. And either way, you're blaming where repair would be saying to your kid at some point, hey, I screamed at you earlier. That probably felt scary. And this will be the kind of maybe the start of something controversial. It's never your fault when I yell. And I'm working on staying calmer. So even when I'm frustrated, I can use a calmer voice like I'm sorry.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  9. “Depending on our kid's temperament, they react in different ways. If they're kind of in the more people pleasing type that immediately stops them, they're like, oh no, my parents mad at me. You know, I'm going to be good, mostly just because I really need to see that they reflect that I'm a good kid. I like need that if you have another temperament kid that use this as a way of like, oh, you want to fight, I'll show you a fight. And they're like, I am not putting on my shoes, you know?”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT

  10. “Classic example is you yell at your kid for something, right? So I'll use this example, which is different than the one my TED talk because it also leads to some common questions. So my kids stalling in the morning, like I got to get my kid to school because also when I drop my kid at school, I have to get to work and my kids laid on my, the whole thing were also rushed. And my kid is saying, you know, I don't know whatever they're saying. I'm not going to school today. You can't make me go to school. I'm not putting on my shoes. You put on my shoes and you're thinking like I have an eight-year-old like they had put on their shoes, right? And then we get to some crescendo moment where as a parent and I'll say me myself because I have this too. I just yell, scream at my kid. What is wrong with you? You don't do anything. You're eight years old. You know, we say all they're never going to amount to anything in your life. You can't put on your shoes or, you know, you're so selfish. You're going to make me late. You turn me into a monster. Why can't you listen the first time? We say this thing.”

    2024-12-26 · The Tim Ferriss Show · #784: Dr. Becky Kennedy — Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Plus Word-for-Word Scripts for Repairing Relationships, Setting Boundaries, and More · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT