YouSaid · the spoken record

Kelsi Sheren

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316
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2021-10-14
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2021-10-14
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  1. “Man, that's a loaded question because you could look at everything from biomarkers in the brain to know if there's serotonin and dopamine levels were crashing in the ground. Like there's biological reasonings for some people where they're born bipolar and they have or they're schizophrenic. There's so many things we don't fully grasp about the brain. But what we do know from my perspective, for me at least, There really is no rhyme or reason why I survived and others didn't. Stuff and things don't make you happy. People don't always know why they're feeling the way they're feeling, but they also are not always. Willing to talk about it or be, they put on a good front. And if nobody knows any different, what do you expect”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  2. “When I was training, I had short no hair, I had flat as a board. You would have thought I was a 12 year old boy. And so my mom's like, people take people sweetie. That's just the reality of life. You need to be aware. So I don't know if I had this ingrained in my mind. I was always like training to protect myself or fight someone off. So I was like afraid of like this irrational thing. And then I went overseas. And then I realized that I could just be literally there talking to you, having a conversation and I could just be taken off the face of the earth. And there's nothing I can do about it. And then I adapted this idea that when it's my time, it'll be my time. But the difference is now. Least I know that If I do go And I do cross, and I am, and I do move on”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  3. “No, I think like by a human being. And I had this irrational fear that I was that something was going to happen to me. And like I said, I don't know if it was because like my parents were always made me aware of my surroundings. Like people take people. This is a real thing that happens. Was really small. So, and I looked like a little boy. My hair was like that.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  4. “To another plane and another vibration, in another whatever you want to call it, this isn't it. This isn't all of it. This is a blip. This is a moment. This is a... I used to be afraid of death before the military. I was always afraid of dying. I don't know why. I had this irrational fear that I was going to be kidnapped in my room, like seriously, like irrational fear, like afraid. And it's funny because I talked to Michaela. Yesterday. And she said the same thing. And I was like, Oh my God, I know what you're talking about.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  5. “We are just breeding these kids to be followers who digest bullshit, who reverberate things they don't fully understand and have opinions on stuff they have no business talking about.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  6. “Whatever you're going to do, do it with some fucking drive, put some goddamn effort into your life, and pick something in a career that's going to make you happy. Not something that's just going to give you six figures because that's not going to make you happy. I can tell you right now, I have everything in the world. And the last thing I want is more things. I want less. I want the woods and I want quiet because that's what's important to me. I want my family to matter. The people around me to matter. And the small group I keep that tight knit I have, I want them to wake up every minute knowing that they have a friend that they can call on the other line that isn't just like, how's it going that can actually have a conversation, a meaningful, intelligent, caring conversation?”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  7. “But if you're going to take the time to do something for yourself, don't make it sitting in front of the TV for six hours eating a bag of chips, drinking a Coke. Make it, I'm going to go for a walk, maybe listen to a podcast where I can learn something. Make it, I'm going to go volunteer somewhere. Nobody does that anymore, but make it I can go volunteer somewhere. Honor house? Have no paid employees, they have one. Everybody is a volunteer. They're phenomenal.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  8. “More now than ever we are seeing our younger generation just be force fed information from one side or the other. And none of it makes sense. None of it's understandable. It just causes chaos in the brain. Really pay attention to what you listen to. Something I've had to learn to do is. Make time for myself. All of this working 18 hours a day, not sleeping, just work, work, work. That doesn't work. That's not sustainable. It's not healthy and it's not anything anyone should be doing. Balance is important.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  9. “Some of them are really cheesy, but they're true. Live a life you can be proud of. Number one, if you wake up every morning and you hate what you do, change the fucking station. Do not live and stay in that perpetual cycle of bullshit. It's not worth it. It's not. Not what you're on this planet for, you're worth more than that, then the monotony of waking up, going to work, hating your life, drinking yourself to sleep, and functioning. Do yourself a favor. The thing I scream about on the show so much is move your fucking body. Move your body. Get your blood moving. Allow your body to do what it's here for. Go for a run. Go for a walk. If you can't run, walk to the fridge three times more than maybe you did before, but you're moving. Pay attention to the shit you look at.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  10. “Astronomical ripple effects because the problem is we are so quick to tell people that are suffering from PTSD. We're so quick to give them drugs. We're so quick to kick them out of the military. We're so quick to let them be homeless on the street. We're so quick to let them fucking kill themselves. We're so quick. And then all of a sudden when a politician goes, veteran suicide's an issue, that's when it's a problem. Well, if you prevent the problem from happening in the first place or you give people the right funding and tools to do the job, you won't have this problem.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  11. “Least you can do for people is focus. If you can provide focus, you can provide the proper amount of funding, proper amount of funding, can get the proper amount of tools. Those tools can actually be implemented properly. And then those people can go on to hopefully have successful marriages and families. And we don't have to watch our parents drink themselves to death and wonder why daddy's yelling at mommy all the time and daddy storms out and leaves. Well, daddy had some shit happen in his life and mommy had some shit happen, but that does not mean that's who they are.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  12. “And so they worked so hard with these families, they take them on retreats, these husband and wives, and they get them to connect again after being separated over such a long period of time. There's other places like children to fallen patriots at a DC where they fund education university for people who have lost their parents in deployments, whether kids even born yet. If they're still in utero, they still pay. They do not care. Then you've got people like in Canada, you've got vets Canada. You've got in the States, you know, you've got True Patriot Love. You've got who else in the States is really great that we've worked with. I know there's a Green Beret Foundation. That's great. One more wave gives amputees, teaches them to surf with amputees. Like they're really great. There's so many organizations, but at the end of the day, I focus on a small subset because you cannot fix everyone's problems. The least thing, the least.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  13. “80% of their warriors want their families to be more involved with the healing. The problem is very often vets don't realize that they can have or just because the system doesn't pay for it actually have their spouse as a part of things. And the biggest thing that we find with special operations families, I think the divorce rate's like 95%.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  14. “Tom is a Delta. Have you heard of them No, So, okay, so Tom was involved in Black Hawk Down. It was one of his first operations. He's a Delta operator. And I asked her, I said, listen, I'm going to be doing these shows. And I think it's great that we talk about you more. So I said, give me your three points of importance. So the All Secure Foundation serves special operations combat families in healing from post-traumatic stress injury and secondary post-traumatic stress. So that's often what the wife or the other husband or the other spouse suffers from. And we're starting to see that be more and more of an issue now. So, they also are devoted to rebuilding the couple's relationships on the home front after the separations of war, and 80% of their warriors went on went.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  15. “But since then, they've expanded since I've come on board and they've opened Honor Ranch, which is up in Ashcroft, BC, and it's 140 acres. It's 10 cabins and a main cabin. They do equine therapy. And they're more focused on operational stress injury clinics. So operational stress injury within the veteran community. And they have specialists that do that. They have their own bracelet with us. So every time you buy an honor house bracelet, all the proceeds go to them. Yeah, and it's actually the green one. So that one, so when you buy one of those honor house bracelets, they have those. They go directly to them, which is really amazing. They've been near and dear to my heart for a long time. You've got the all secure foundation, which is these guys are super dope. I'm going to read exactly because Jen texts me. So Jen and Tom Satterly, I've had them both on the podcast. Tom was involved in Black Hawk Down.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  16. “He got an axe in the middle of his head, a Taliban member came up and put an axe directly into his head when his helmet was off, and he survived. He's done work with Invictus games and Prince Harry. He has an exoskeleton he uses on the island. He's so cool. He hasn't changed one bit from the infantry captain you expect him to be. And Al saw there was a need for vets and first responders to get treatment because there's no real home away from home for people. Picture Ronald McDonald for cancer and families. This is vets and first responders. And so their whole thing, and I'll read it so I say it exactly right because I used to be on the board of their charity, but I ran out of time. So now I just consult. But they are a home away from home for members of the Canadian Armed Forces Veterans and First Responders and their families to stay completely free of charge while they're receiving medical care and treatment in the Vancouver area.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  17. “Great universities that are now stepping up and doing the research behind it. It is being legitimized. So, like, they're doing that in Canada. There's a group called Theracil. They are currently fighting the government to get the rights for Canadians under Section 56 of our laws to get compassionate care for psilocybin use. I've done a panel with them on that really great base set of Victoria, really smart people. One of the other bigger charities that we work with, and they're honestly They were my first and foremost charity that I ever worked with and they're a big component in the veteran community in Canada. They're called honor house and honor house was started by honorary colonel Alde Genova. It was started because of a guy named Trevor Green. He was a Canadian soldier who deployed and he was Captain Trevor Green sorry Trevor Captain Trevor Green”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  18. “Yeah, so their points are I got Jesse to actually, I'm like, what are your talking points? Because I need people to know exactly what you do. Great. So, veterans have had to take their mental and general health into their own hands due to the failure of the government system. So, that is why they were created. But Heroic Arts is a peer-supported mental health network involving full preparation, integration coaching, and connection to vetted psychedelic treatments. So they don't just do AIA. They deal with psilocybin, ketamine, ibigaine, but they've got protocols in place. They've got locations you go to that are safely vetted, and they work. They've got over right now. Jesse said they have 800 veterans on a waiting list for treatment. That's just before the spike of the end of this war. They have over 100, they've helped over 100 veterans, including dozens of special operation vets find effective care. They've now got branches in the US, UK, and Canada. And the biggest thing about them and why we talk about them is because the problem of psychedelics and the stigma around it is so significant, but because of”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  19. “Hearts? We just started working to talk about them and really make them known, but we're going to be donating to them as well.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  20. “This isn't like marketing at all, and nothing weird about this at all. And so we work with a lot of organizations, and I'm very particular about where we send our money because there are, it feels like thousands of vet organizations right now. And if we were able to consolidate, it would be more ideal. I spoke about that on another show, but that's not currently happening. So I try to work with the nonprofits. I know number one are not paying six figure salaries, which trust me, there's lots, a lot. Number two, I look at the actual resources that they're providing and if they're going to be something that are going to be useful, in my opinion, whether or not they're actually useful, and I just don't think they are, that's up for debate. I know it's worked for me, so I try to fund the things that I know have been helpful for me and the people I associate with. So that's why I brought all the paper because I didn't want to be an idiot and forget anybody that's really important because I get caught up in things and I think it's important to acknowledge. So number one, hero.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  21. “Yes. Oh, God, yeah, that's what I do. So my whole mission every day is I get up, I push jewelry and sunglasses on people and say, but now that you're going to wear that, now you're a part of the B&U army. Now you're a part of this community.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  22. “The least I could do was come up with a product that I know I could give to people or people could purchase. And if I gave pretty much all of the actual profit from it to those organizations and I give them something to wear that is a touch piece or if they're out and somebody sees a bullet on the wrist, they go, hey, what is that? It's a conversation starter. And that's exactly what it's been. And it's done its job as that. And so we, like I said, we are a way to get the vehicle. We're the vehicle. We're the money in the hands of the people. People don't always want to just get a tax receipt. It's great to donate to something. It's great on you to do that. But most people have a selfish aspect, right? And that's okay. But if you can tap into that, you can then fund these charities properly and give them the tools to do their jobs effectively. Up until this point, they just count on people's goodness of their hearts.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  23. “So, for me, what I've been trying to do with this company is create a community that can really work together to not only help vets first responders, but to really bridge the gap with the civilian population in letting them know what we kind of go through and why it is such a epidemic and why there is over 22 suicides a day. And we are losing people like it's going out of style. The amount of vets that are questioning the last 20 years of their life right now is terrifying. I work with organizations that are doing this outreach and they're overloaded right now like they have never seen before because this whole thing is just it's hit ahead here. And so what Brass and Unity tries to do is it is really just a vehicle to get the money in the hands of the people that are doing the work with it. I couldn't start a nonprofit because I'm not good at fundraising. I'm not good of being like, give me your money. I'm going to do this with it.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  24. “Little bit of both. Hey, when you were the guy on the posters that all the girls sign up to that sent all the dirty pictures, why are you giving that up? It's easy.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  25. “I L you like I couldn't say love it freaked me out for a long time and then I finally said it and then that said it like a month later and I was like that's not fair you should have said it the same exact time I wanted the response And he goes to treatment with me. Whatever I need, he knows that, like, hey, it's more for like him. I'm like, how do I handle her? And then we moved out and we bought a house. And then he took a sweet ass time. We were dating for four years before we were engaged because just to be sure the crazy wasn't too crazy. He waited four years on that.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  26. “No, there's nothing that's Nothing. And so we went through that for a long time. And then I lived with his parents, and we lived there. And that was, you know, goddamn it, his family was so good to me because I was a nightmare. I was a nightmare. Couldn't cook certain food around me anymore. Couldn't go certain places anymore. Couldn't, you know, crowds were a hard no. We didn't do Canada today. And like, I just changed. I moved in and was like, Shit's gotta change if you guys don't want me to kill everyone. And they were willing and they were accepting and they were amazing about it. And then we finally said, okay, well, like, is this we're good? We're like, I used to say like,”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  27. “I was enjoying stuff, but I wasn't. Feeling. I was like, this is fun. That was it. That was surface level. Like, Lex, this is fun. Like, it wasn't.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  28. “A long time Because I was dead I didn't know what that meant because I couldn't feel. I didn't feel anything. He loved it because he liked we'd go do something. You would never complain about anything. You wouldn't say a fucking word. You would just sit there. And now you got all your feelies back and your emotions back. And now you're too hot and you're too cold. Anyway, so yeah, he loved it. I was numb and dead inside. Seriously, when I call him back”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  29. “They had a big enough house. Trust me, it was fine. So I was like, okay. And so I went from like dating this guy long distance to over, you know, from 2009 to 2011, just back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And then finally, his parents were like, shit or get off the pot here with her. Like, come on. You know, it's obvious she loves you. And I would never say it. That word just like it was just, I couldn't.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  30. “And so he was well equipped to handle me, thankfully. And it got to a point where we were doing the long distance back and forth, back and forth and back and forth. And I finally got the call that I was going to be released from the military. And I wanted to live near him, but I couldn't afford to live in British Columbia because I was from Ontario. And BC's like, it means bring cash for a reason. I'm like, there's no way I can live there. And then his family was like, come live with us.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  31. “Hadn't seen him, and he didn't really know me. We didn't really know each other. We met. I slept in the bed beside him because my girlfriend didn't want to get in trouble from her boyfriend from sleeping beside a random dude. And then, yeah, we just started dating. He really slowly became my rock, and he understands trauma. He had some stuff happen in his life, in his family, He went through a lot of therapy. He went through a lot of shit. He saw what traumatic situations can do to a family and to people and those that are suffering with it.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  32. “It's small. We all share. Trust me, this is what it is. So I met him there and he had broken his wrist, really bad. And I was, this was before I deployed. So I met him and we stayed in touch and just became friends and just texted. That was it. Nothing weird. And I was deploying though. So we disagreed, you know, we'd be friends. We weren't actually talking about anything romantically at all. And then I deployed and we got talking and to know each other a little more, a little more. And then we decided that we liked each other and we wanted to try to give it at least a semi-shot. And so when I got home from Afghanistan, I went and watched him race his last, one of his last two races that he did professionally before he retired. Excuse me. And it was a Montreal one was in Vegas.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  33. “My husband was a professional supercross and motocross racer for his whole life, and he raced for Kawaki and Suzuki. He lived in California and raced all down there. And when I met him, I met him at the tail end of his career. And so I went to Montreal with a friend of mine to see somebody that I was currently sleeping with. Who was a friend of mine and end up meeting Brady instead?”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  34. “Well, okay, so how it works. Let me explain. In the super cross and motocross industry, it's really small. The people who are professional, it's a small subset of people. It's kind of like Formula One, 21 cars. That's what there is. That's the amount of riders.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  35. “I think there is a subset of people where love will always be. Love conquers all, you know, but that's not always the reality. The reality is life is messy and humans are messy. And the way we choose to deal with things are messy and complicated and difficult. But at the root of all good is love, I think. And for me, I was fortunate enough to meet my husband. Through a friend, which you listen to that podcast. So I don't know that we need to, unless you really want to go into that story again, how I met my husband.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  36. “Most pivotal role. He kept me alive and made me feel worthy enough to, until I knew that I was worthy enough to be alive.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  37. “The end all be all, you can fight through this. This is possible. It's going to take work. It's going to be fucking hard. It's worth it though. And if you just keep going the right direction, everything that I wrote down, everything, every goal.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  38. “So day three is the stuff I talked about on Jocko when I got taken over to the other side. I almost missed that night too. I almost missed that ceremony. I got a false positive on my COVID test and I got a call from the medical clinic that night being like, you need to come in. You got a false positive on your COVID test. And if you're going to travel, you have to, we got to figure this out. You got to come do blood work. You got to come do whatever it is you need to do if you want to get home, but you got to come do something. And so I didn't think I was going to be in So I left And, you know They waited for me And so I think the biggest takeaway from all of this for me was this isn't it. This isn't everything. This isn't.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  39. “See? Good, you get it. People don't understand when I say I didn't Don't feel like I wrote that. I feel like she gave me, like, I reread this all of the time.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  40. “My takeaway was I needed to be. I needed to stop trying to push everything too hard, stop trying to force everything. It's all going to come. It's all going to happen, but you are. Too aggressive. You are too, you're trying so hard that you're missing everything else.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  41. “Whole thing was you can just show your teeth, and that is more than enough. Stop trying to be overcompensate. You don't need to do that any longer. And then I had this weird astral projection thing happen. Where I was in my house, and there were these flyers all over my husband and my son. And like I went ham on them. I like shredded them to pieces. Like I was this protector. And it's crazy because the guys told me after, like, someone would be like, there were flyers all over you the whole night. They were just all over you. And I'm like, I was snarling when I was sitting there like the shaman had to be like, I need you to try to calm your breathing after I could, but before like I was like attacking things beside me. People could see, and I could see, but couldn't wrap my brain around that they were real, like it was A crazy man.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  42. “And it felt like something was coming out of my throat, like being pulled out of me. And the takeaway that I end up in the whole the rest of the night, there's a million other things, but the takeaway was. You no longer need to bite. You may only show your teeth. You can be the leader that you want to be. You do not always have to. The traditional type of leader you can be in the back of the pack. You have to watch the rest around you. Be mindful of those around you instead of just being up front, be behind as well. Make sure that everything that you're doing is all being looked after. Because my thing was I will rip your fucking head off if you just say the wrong thing to me before.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  43. “Oh, there's nothing. I can't do a pull up anymore. Oh, so weird. I'll show you how to do a push up after you'll fucking throw up an embarrassment. Yeah, it's bad. So before Aya, though, chronic pain, like had to drink a bottle of CBD every day just the pain is so bad because the trauma in it was so bad. The surgery went wrong. The collarbone dissipated and no longer exists. Like there's just, and they're not sure how I lift things with it and do stuff with it. It's like overcompensation everywhere. Like my back, like my scapula, like flares out where it's, I'm all messed up from it. And so I was in chronic pain. So he's praying over me. And all of a sudden, all I feel is this arm just start just fucking vibrating and my hair is really long and I feel somebody grab the back of my ponytail and snap my head back like this.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  44. “And he'd be like, don't you worry, girl? I got you. You ready? And I was like, uh-huh, uh-huh. And so I'm sitting there cross-legged, I've got my palms out like this. I had a really traumatic shoulder injury, so I don't just sit slanted like this. My shoulders actually permanently detached, and no one in the world will touch it or fix it. My collarbone comes out my back here. I don't have any colorbone here. So, nobody will fix it. No one will touch it. Even I've had specialists, I've had surgeries, no one will do anything with it. So I'm permanently down and forward. So I. Slouch Horrible. So before”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  45. “Weird lunges and uncomfortable moments. She turned me into a wolf. I know I said it out loud. I hear it. I said it. Her takeaway for me was I'm trying to be this pack leader. I'm trying to be this leader in my life. I'm trying to do these things, but I'm going about them the whole the wrong way. So, like, when the shamans call you up to do their special prayer over you, you go up, you don't touch them, they flash their little light, you see the little light spot, you walk to the light, you sit down on the light. And then my shaman, he's so funny because he's got this great tone in his voice. He goes, How are you doing, Kelsey? And I'm like, so hi. Yeah, I have a problem. I'm a wolf and I needed to stop.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  46. “So, for me, at first, it was just eyes floating in the sky, these unbelievably gorgeous, beautiful eyes that I, and I was like literally looking up at the top of the year and I kept going to myself, is anyone else seeing this? There's eyes in the sky. And so there's these eyes floating, and they just kept looking at me, and I remember when I kept telling myself, like, oh, don't worry about it, it's nothing there. She would get angry. I'm right here. Pay attention to me. And I'd be like, okay, like forceful, like very forceful. So at first it was just the eyes. The second night. I'm crazy when I say this. Great. That's going to be my clip. Sound crazy. What I do when I get uncomfortable I do a weird hand gestures and movements.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  47. “Oh, yeah I can't draw either. So that's why there's so. I wish I could draw because if only I could translate what I could see visually onto paper.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  48. “I have poppies from France too when I did a I did a 75th anniversary D-Day ride in France where we rode 600 kilometers on a road bikes for charity and we landed on the beaches of Juneau on the 75th and we got to go buy the poppy fields and I'm like covered in poppies and I have some in a book I don't know why I do that I just I do that”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  49. “Don't know why I was walking, and every single time over those three days, anytime I went for a walk by myself, I would just hear like, This, like, just almost like as if a voice was standing there, be like, You need this, take it, take it with you, and keep it in your book, keep it. And it just goes”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  50. “Yeah, with a pen Frantic as well, Lex, not like writing where you're like, Oh, I'm just writing. It's like I had to get it down or I was going to lose it.”

    2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source