YouSaid · the spoken record

Kelsi Sheren

lines on the record: 316
first: 2021-10-14
most recent: 2021-10-14
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“So, my biggest thing that she tried to reiterate to me at the beginning of that first night was that I don't breathe. Don't breathe. I don't fucking breathe at all. I just, one thing to the next thing, the next thing, the next thing, the next thing, just to survive. I don't. Take a minute and breathe. So she made when I say she, I say it because it's hard for people to understand. But I showed this to my husband. I showed it to my doctors and they're like, bitch, that's not you. You don't write like that. You don't talk like that. So, like, you can flip through it, but it was like. I'll just let Lex read for a second and just I'll just do here. Let me do, I'll do an ad for heroic hearts. Heroic hearts. Here, I'll get my papers while you read.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And then she all of a sudden started giving me what you call your downloads. So the stuff you learn. Stuff that you were all of a sudden you're remembering, and these messages that come through. And that's what this is.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And so what heroic heart said, because it gave us all these journals, they're like, you know, the next day, you kind of wake up and you do a meet, like a meeting, you do like a circle. All of us sit in a room and talk about what just happened the night before. People are crying and people are quiet and you just listen. And that's what you do. And then you write on your free time. So after that, it's like up to you what you want to do. Do you want to just go walk in the woods? Well, I chose to go find a fence post and lie on it for an hour. I'm not kidding. I lied there and stared up at these two eagles that were just in like the, I'll tell you where we were after. And you'll be like, oh, okay, I get it. And then I found a forest and I just walked up with my book and I just. Like there for hours”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Is so minuscule to the big picture. And so she really did that, but she showed me just a black and then like a crack and then these vibrant colors that I can't describe because there aren't words. Alex Gray does really great art. And that has like been the closest thing I've been able to find colors. He's a famous guy who does ayahuasca, and he's an artist. I think he's got stuff in New York as well. But She eased me in and gave me some relief. And showed me enough that I could go, I could wake up the next day and not want to die the next day.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Important because that's what this was. So the first night, I'll give like a very, because trust me, we could spend a whole podcast on both of the all three of those nights. But the first night, the biggest thing that happened for me is I got to see my daughter. Which was my first baby. And so people say, well, you know, blah, blah, blah. Fuck you. That was my daughter. And I'm very aware it was. I'm very conscious that it was. And at that point, she just eased me in enough to let me know and showed me enough that this wasn't it. This wasn't. The end all be all. Where you are right now on this plane, on this dimension, in this life, this is a flip and it is.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Hero cards, so they, yeah, this is my Jesse gave us all these journals. They're like, You're gonna want these. So he gave us all these journals. And now this is like my Bible, like my work, my everything goes in this with me everywhere. It's just this like silent reminder for me. And so heroic hearts does fantastic work. I'll get into them after the thing with this group is. There's such care. Not like go do Aya, and like you're done, there's like integration coaches, and there's like doctors, and there's like people to make sure that. You're doing the work because I, as just this, is just the gate. Now you have to take it and you have to implement it into your life. People don't do that though.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Meditate and you wait and you wait, and you're in pitch block. Like, can't see this far in front of your face. You have a little puke bucket. Then you have a little light that has a red filter on it. If you have to get up to go to the bathroom to get out of the year, you use that so you don't turn lights on. And me, I brought like what?”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And so at that point, we went through the meditation part and the shamans were, they literally sing for like six hours straight.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, because I did the same doses as everyone else. I think it was 20 mils, which doesn't seem like a lot. When you've never done Ayad is so I felt like such a bitch. God, I felt like such a bitch.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Not supposed to. Some people don't, you purge. Yeah. If something's happening, you're going through something. Yeah, you purge, but it doesn't have to happen. But this, I mean, within like the first 20 minutes, no. Takes like you got to sit and meditate for or sit still basically and meditate in the pitch block. About 45 minutes before effects, even before you even feel her. So it's very.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“He's so cool. He's sitting directly across, like you and I, and he can see him, and he's looking at me, and I'm throwing up and. And I do it about three times. And then the last time he just saw me and I couldn't do it. I just threw it up. And so I like to think that was her way of easing me in so I didn't get like a full punch to the face, but I got a. Let me take your hand and show you what I'm going to show you. We're going to make you better. We're going to take the pain away.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So I like my buddy, we call him the Viking, or Soul Viking. He looks like a Viking. His head's tattooed. Been on the show”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And then when I stepped into ceremony, The first night, because you do three nights over Friday, Saturday, Sunday. The first night, I was so nervous and so anxious because you go up in ceremony and the shaman's come in and they cleanse themselves and then you get served the ayah individually. You go up, they give it to you. You can take your time and pray. You can do whatever you want. Then you drink it. I was so just like, I got back to my mat and I sat there and I was like trying to keep it in, but I could feel that heat come from my toes all the way up and you're like, your mouth starts to water. I'm going to throw up. I'm going to throw up. And I looked over to Griff and I looked at Bishop and they're like, Swallow it. And I was like, okay. And you can't talk or anything.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“For the first time, I got to be in a group of people who didn't judge me or question my service. They just respect me. That was number one. So that group I lost, I just found again. Big shocker. I was the only woman there again. Seems to be the thing for me. And so I was surrounded by all these special operators. Like, these aren't like normal soldiers. Like, these guys that I'm with are like. Bronze Star fucking purple heart just. The coolest people I've always wanted to be like, that's my buddy. Now I can be like, those are my buddies. Those motherfuckers will go to bat for me. They will bend over backwards. They will exvil me out of anywhere. They will take a bullet from me. These guys welcomed me in a way I didn't expect. So that hit me weird right off the get. I was nervous and now I was just felt that home for a minute.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“She's going to be either gentle or she's going to beat your ass. And sometimes that's what you need. But she does it in a way that Is profound.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I had a light at the end of the tunnel. And I knew if I got to the light, it was the worst that's going to happen. Just get to the light. But at that point, again, I had a son, I had a husband, I had a great company, I have a great house, I have a nice car, I have everything. Why did I want to die every minute of the day? I was at that point again. And I'm like, this has got it. Something's got to give. And so I went and I got there. Most intense. Beautiful, divine Or entity Visualization, whatever you want to deem ayahuasca as Mama Aya is real. And she takes no prisoners. She shows you exactly what you need to see. Help yourself, but she does not. Discriminate against whether you're ready or not. If you've ingested it, she's coming for you.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, exactly. And he goes, I said, But here's the kicker. I have to go off of this medication And he goes, Well, you know we're supposed to do that in the summer months when the depression's nothing where you know blah blah blah, listen, I hear you, but I'm doing it. Whether you want me to or not. So I'm letting you know hey, this is gonna happen, and he's like, okay, just try to do it properly. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know the drill. I know the drill, whatever, whatever. I can drop that within a week. That stuff was done taking it. And I was going through the world's worst just withdrawals. It was like. We were at a rock concert and your head was banging up and down, but you were sitting perfectly still It was horrible”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And he's like, oh, it's in like three weeks. You can't be on any SSRIs. If you're on any, you're going to have to wean off. And at the time, I was on my last one. And so I was like, I called my doctor. And I was like, listen. And he was like, what? And I was like, guess what I'm about to do He's like, gonna go do ayahuasca. And he goes, he does the same where he just goes. All right He knows he's not going to win. Knows I'll just fight him”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And he goes, Listen, have you ever heard of ayahuasca? And I was like, yeah, like in movies and like psychedelics in the 70s, you know, and he's like, no, no, no, let's like have a talk. And he goes, I've got an opportunity for a spot. I'm going with this charity called Heroic Hearts. They have spaces in UK, Canada, and the United States. They're owned by an army ranger named Jesse Gould. You know, they're really trying to help vets. And this has worked. Would you want to come? And before he even said, like, would you, before I even got like an invite, I was like, can I come? When can it, when, when, when do we, when do we go?”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And he came on the podcast and it went great. And then at the end of it, we stopped recording, and he just kind of did this thing. He does this. He just leans in real close, looks into your soul and goes, how you doing? And they're like, great. He's like, how are you really doing?”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, the idea of losing this thing that we had just built and just got me kind of functioning with was devastating. So I got this opportunity given to me by Griff Combat Flip Flops. Again, Brady, my husband, was like, hey, you should get sponsors for your podcast. Hey, have you heard of this company Combat Flip-Flops? Remember, we watched them on Shark Tank. And then I reached out. He emailed me back. He's like, yeah, we go together like peanut butter and jelly are companies. That sounds great. And then I was like, hey, also like, do you think one of your owners would want to come on the podcast? Just like tossing it out there, kind of like I did with you. And he was like, Yeah, I'd love to come on. And I was like,”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“He's a little bit about grass and unity. You're trying to like unify people, why wouldn't you do that? I'm like, of course. With it like everything else”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But he just gave me a good piece of advice. Hey, if you're going to make this something, you can't really, if you want it to be for everyone, you can't call it her wearables. I was like, cool. And then we drove home that night and then he tweeted it out to people 24 million people. This was before he was like who he is now. And that was a giant deal. And then my husband kind of looked at me and being, he's so fucking brilliant. He looked at me and goes, All right, yeah, we got to come up with a rename. Let me start thinking, let me start brainstorming. Like, let's make, you want to make this real? Let's make this real. So we did. And he was like, What do you think about we were doing like brass collective coat, brass, this, blah, blah, blah? I just knew I wanted brass in the name.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And my mom being the tenacious truck driver she is, she was driving for Kevin Hart's what now tour. And so she just harassed them, was like, You need to meet my daughter.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“We started building jewelry in 2015 under it was called Her Wearables and it was really small and it was just I was just trying to make stuff. It wasn't supposed to be a company.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I'm jumping around here, but just bear with me. I started, my doctor suggested art therapy. Dr. Passy did. And that's really how the company started. I bought beads and a pipe cutter and a hammer and a drill. And I fucked up our kitchen table and I taught myself how to build jewelry. My husband was like, You can do it. Go for it. So I was like, okay, he says I can believe in me, so I guess I can do it. No idea what I'm doing. And then got to this point, you know, where COVID hit and people lost companies and we pivoted and we did what we could. And then I really started to go downhill psychologically. I found purpose again with this company. I found a way to help again. I found myself again. Then that was in danger of being gone again.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“To January of 2021, I had hit a really bad spell last year. And the year before was a really big struggle. I almost lost my company last year due to COVID, just like many, many millions of people did. And instead of me just laying down and taking it, I pivoted really quickly and called a factory and said, do you guys make masks? They're like, yeah, we're making masks. I was like, I'm going to call the Canadian government. I'm going to get my medical license and I'm going to try to sell the masks and see if we can do that. And so we did that. And so we did 200,000 masks for Ontario hospitals, which ironically went to my entire community. I was born and raised in. So it was really weird. And that kept us afloat long enough. We lost 200 retail locations that I all single-handedly spent five years going door to door getting myself.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“15. 2015, I started using it. And then I've been using it ever since. And that was the way I got off of all the pharmaceutical drugs, was keeping cannabis the constant, finding the right strains for me, and then slowly with a doctor's advice and under supervision, going off of those medications.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And he said, you know, Kelse, I just don't. I was hitting a wall. I wasn't getting any better. And he goes, how do you feel about cannabis? And I was like, I don't feel good about it because family histories or my parents always told me if I smoked weed, you know, it's just this, this perception. Because I just want you to try it. Would you be willing to try it? So I was like, okay, so I was willing to try it. Then I started going to these groups called Women Grow and learning about it. And then I realized, oh, I'm starting to sleep a little bit. I don't feel groggy in the morning. I don't feel like a bag of shit. And I also want to have a baby one day, and I can't have all this stuff in my system. So I started using cannabis and then I started using it as a main medication. And I'd been using it now since 2014 got married.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Did ayahuasca in January of this year, and I at that point, that was the last time I was on a pharmaceutical drug. I've been off everything ever since, 10 different ones. So if you backtrack a little bit just so you'll understand, my doctor gave me the opportunity, Dr. Greg Passy. He is a veteran himself, served in Bosnia and Rwanda. He's a medic. He's a colonel, I think Colonel Lieutenant. He's going to punch me right in the face for that. He's high up, officer. He is one of my saviors. He's like my old, I call him my old man. He's my favorite. And rides a Harley, like that kind of guy.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, well, you feel like you need them. Ayahuasca Beautiful psychedelic that we have been so blessed to have on this earth that we have so underutilized and could be, I don't want to say saving humanity, but just you ever hear that saying if you could just give everyone mushrooms one time, the world would be a better place Okay, so psilocybin is, I use for microdosing for depression.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“How about I show you something that'll help your brain, okay? Is not for you to lift up either and show on the camera because there's leaves in it, like there's leaves in some pages. So just don't dump it out because it'll go all fucking everywhere.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Oh, yeah, it was not even that. And I had come from an interview or something, so I had actually had makeup on that day and I had my hat and I was, you know, just at the grocery store. She walked up to me and she got real close and I didn't know what was happening. And she got closer. And then she just grabbed my arm like this. She goes, I love that hat on you. And I looked at her and I was like, she touched me during a pandemic and she's old. Oh my God, I love you too. Thank you so much. I said, you're so amazing. I just, and I just sparked a conversation.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There was a, that's so funny you said that because I told my, I told my husband this happened, and it threw me off. There was an older lady at a store, and this was right after we got a brief period of no masks in Canada, just like a brief.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Honestly, grocery store lineup. I'll say, oh, I like your dress. Oh, thank you, and then I'll go, how's your day going? Actually, it's going all right. It's not as great as I thought it would be today, but I'm doing okay. But like they'll give you instead of. Good you instead of just giving you this fake, false reaction. If you just show. Any effort in somebody that you care at all about someone's well-being, you'd be amazed, amazed.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think for most people, though, the biggest thing when they see somebody who's struggling with PTSD, their first, you know, reaction is how do I help them? Well, often just saying, hey, I'm here when you're ready to talk. I know you're going through something, whether you want to talk about it right now or not, I'm here. And then keeping a close eye on behaviors, when you start to see somebody having, you know, four, five, six beers at night. Let's ask why when you see somebody, you can tell they're not sleeping. Hey, buddy, are you sleeping? I just am not sleeping. Instead of just going, oh, that sucks Why aren't you sleeping? You have a nightmares, or you just have an insomnia, are you just eating sugar before bed? Care enough about your people to just ask one follow up question because often that's really all it takes.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah. And then you talk about poison and how you were poisoning me. And I said knives. We were talking about Russians. And then we were kind of talking about the brain and PTSD.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, you're gonna have to send what does my friend say? He says he's an ex operator and he'll message me once in a while and ask me something and I'll answer back. If I answer in the correct way, he'll go, candidate meets expectations. I'm like, fuck you, I'm not a candidate of anything. Yeah, but yeah, it's essentially it.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“All the time. I wondered about that. I was thinking about that when I listened to you for the first time. I think when you're on Rogan for the first time, water shouldn't do that.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I wanted to give up. I tried. I'm really lucky because it really was the one person that I'd wake up to next every day. And he'd be like, hey, so that new drug you're on, fun fact. If you don't go to sleep right away, you talk. And when you talk, you just don't fucking stop. And you go off about everything that's horrible. And I'm like, what are you talking about? No, last night. Yeah, you took that pill. Guess what? You just, you just, you didn't stop. I have no recollection. I get up in the middle of the night. I would cook food. Like on a stove, and it would be hopefully we don't die because I would have no recollection because of the drugs. The idea that when people say, well, just pull yourself out of depression. I'm highly motivated individual. The idea of lifting my head up to turnover. Was daunting.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Trying Trying was harder than breathing. It was exhausting. Would be awake for like half a day, and every minute of that day, I'd just stare at the wall and just want to kill myself.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Always knew I had a hard time, like, I loved Canada the day I got spit on when I got home was not ideal. But the thing was, I knew long enough that if I just put one foot in front of the other and kept going to treatment and kept doing what my doctor told me to do I could pull out of this. If I tried, I was told that I could do anything in my life. It didn't matter. As long as I tried.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It's not even the politicians anymore. It's the state of the country. I'm a second class citizen in my own country right now. I can't travel to see my parents within my own country. I'm not allowed to step foot in my son's school. I am not allowed to go to a restaurant with my family I'm not allowed to leave Canada without. I told you all the stuff I have to do to get here to even get home I have to do the same. I'm watched by the RCMP. Neighbors rat you out.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Look at me. I love my fucking country. I am one of the most patriotic people you will meet in it. I think Canada is one of the greatest fucking places on the earth. I think in the past two years or three years, I have seen what I loved so deeply, so proudly preached about so I'm so proud of what I did there. And I'm so proud of the country I got to represent. I was good at my job.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Thanks, ma'am. Awesome. So I've been out for 10 years, and I would say the reason I didn't kill myself for the longest time was the individual I was dating. That was straight across the board. That was it. For me, there was no relief for about six years of the thought of just kill yourself, kill yourself, kill yourself. It's easier if you just do it. Like that voice was so strong for that long. There was really no relief. What there was though was implementation of different medications, realizing they weren't working, trying different things. Getting myself to a point where I could leave my house comfortably ish again and I wasn't triggered, which then allowed me to travel, which then allowed me to slowly try to go back to school, which, by the way, was a very bad idea. That was a bad idea. That was bad. I went too early.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Previous to any of that, I did from 2009. I got out, so I was medically, I was 3B medical honorable discharge in 2011, May 23rd, 2011. So I left the military then. And so it's been 10 years, just over 10 years. Oh my God, it's 10 and a half years. I just realized I don't know.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That time, the pros were no one has to deal with this anymore. I don't have to feel this way anymore. I'm a burden to my family. I'm a burden to the military system. I'm weak. I'm a bad soldier. I didn't do my job. I don't deserve to be alive. I don't deserve veterans affairs support. I don't deserve my parents don't deserve to watch me go through this. The guy was dating didn't deserve to put up with the bullshit I put him through. The people who drive with me in cars didn't deserve to almost hit medians because I swear because of a piece of garbage. People didn't deserve my racist outbursts. People didn't deserve people didn't. I did not deserve to be breathing anymore. I should have died there and I wished I died there.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well being. Well, that's it. It's for me, that was one of my triggers. So you have triggers. And then you also deal with things like sounds and smells. You can tell. You can tell when someone's triggered. A lot of vets don't like fireworks. It's like, okay, well, remove yourself from the situation. So there's other things within PTSD that kind of rear its head that with PTSD kind of attach other things. So like when I was diagnosed with PTSD, I think it was like four years later I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder. And that was kind of a compilation of things that was just like a shit show there.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, like, when I first got back to Canada, I avoided everybody that was Middle Eastern at all costs, no matter how much of a difference it made in my day, if I had to not go somewhere for one of the greatest events of my life, I wouldn't have went.”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, of course there are. So the basic things that a doctor looks for when they're diagnosing PTSD. I'm not a doctor. Let me make that fucking clear. But there are things that you look for. You look for insomnia. You look for anger and aggression. You look for people to fly off the handle. You look for avoidance. You can tell in somebody's body. People who can't sleep, if you can't sleep, you know that after a certain amount of time, they're just going to deteriorate. You know, sleeplessness triggers”
2021-10-14 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #230 – Kelsi Sheren: War, Artillery, PTSD, and Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source