YouSaid · the spoken record

Logan Ury

lines on the record: 156
first: 2025-03-18
most recent: 2025-03-18
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Success for me is balance, feeling like I'm not forsaking my health for the sake of career, not feeling like I'm forsaking my husband for the sake of our daughter, not feeling like I'm forsaking my family for the sake of my friends, and really just knowing my priorities and having that reflected in how I spend my time.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think the dog or cat thing kind of fits into that overall advice of authentically show us who you are and if that involves your dog great but if not like don't take 8,000 pictures some of which have a stranger's dog in them”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I have seen over the years different research about people with cats, people with dogs. When I hear those things, I'm just like, do you have a fucking cat or dog? Like if it's really important to you put it in there, but like don't dog bait somebody. I just made that up. But it's like if you have a friend with a cute dog, like putting the dog in your picture, it's like, that's not representative of your life. It's like show us authentically what spending time you would be like. So if you once went on a hike, but you actually spent every Saturday night playing board games, take a picture of board game night. Don't show that one hiking photo. And so...”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Photo of you doing something that you love, and then a photo with friends and family, but not so many that we can't tell which one is you. But in general, it's really about using it as an opportunity to share who you are, what you're looking for, and what kind of person you want to meet.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's this one on hinge, I'm overly competitive about everything. And people have seen that all the time. So like at best, they sort of just ignore it. And at worst, they're like, oh, cliche, like, I'm not interested in that person. There's actually a new feature that just came out on hinge called prompt feedback, which uses AI to kind of give you personalized private feedback on your prompt responses. So like if you give a one-word answer or it's cliche, it'll say like, dig a little bit deeper. You know, what are you overly competitive about? So hopefully that's going to kind of raise all profiles. Other do's and don'ts don't have one of those where's Waldo photos where we can't tell which one you are. People don't like that in general. Selfies perform worse. If you have sunglasses or filters or you wear ski goggles, it's really hard to tell what you look like. So just like make it easy for the person to tell what you look like. Have a photo of a clear headshot, photo of your full body.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, so I've done a ton of research on this, and I can tell you some of the main tips. Your dating app profile is sort of like your billboard. And if you were buying a billboard, let's say on the one-on-one in San Francisco, you would of course think a lot about what you're going to put on it. And I think people should give the same amount of attention to their hinge profile. So, for example, you are telling a story about who you are. So let's say that you have a side of yourself that loves anime and there's a side of yourself that's passionate about baseball. If all of your pictures are from Comic-Con, I'm not going to see that. So really, I like to teach people this concept of your three big things. What are three big things about yourself that you want to express in your profile? And then make sure that through your prompts and through your photos, you're getting those things across. Another thing is having a mixture of humor and vulnerability. You don't want to be all jokes and you don't want to be all super serious. You want to show people different sides of yourself. You also don't want to fall into these dating app cliches.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Being in touch with you all the time, which actually makes things harder for you. So I have a conversation guide in my book for how to have a breakup conversation, which has a lot of things about preparing for it in advance. So when are you going to have this conversation? You know, if somebody has a big presentation on Monday, like don't do it Sunday night, is this person able to get in touch with some friends or family to support them afterwards? So just really trying to soften the difficulty of the situation by setting them up to get support from other people sharing with them kind of how you're feeling but not giving feedback. And then I think, honestly, not having sex with them and giving them space to honor the fact that this is challenging and they need to move on.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You are unreliable, but a lot of times it's like you just weren't a match. And whatever you say to them is really going to stick in their mind and they're going to go over it a million times. So I just sort of find that that's unhelpful. There's also this idea, do you know Elen de Bat His work. So he has this concept of the nice breakup person where it's like I'll keep being in touch with you after the breakup because it makes me feel like I'm a nice person which makes me feel better. But it's actually really about respecting your boundaries, which is like, it's probably better for you if we're not as in touch. And so really letting you define that or not trying to sort of assuage my own guilt by like.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Share them with your partner so that you can tackle them together. Maybe it comes to the same outcome of breaking up, but don't kind of hide all of that until the moment that you break up with them. Another thing to keep in mind is I don't think it's the opportunity to give somebody feedback. I think that can be very painful for somebody. So sometimes in a breakup scenario, the person will be like, tell me what I did wrong, tell me when you fell out of love with me. I don't find that that's helpful unless there's something really specific. Like I constantly felt like you were breaking plans with me or, you know, something that they can change.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“We talked today about how painful rejection is. And so I think the first guiding principle for breaking up with someone really should be empathy and just understanding and really imagining how painful it is to be broken up with in most situations. And so a few things to keep in mind. So one of them is there's this rule kind of in corporate America that if you're going to lay somebody off or give them a bad performance review, it shouldn't be the first time that they've gotten that feedback. So I think it's much more fair to let somebody know throughout the relationship if something isn't working. I think it's so painful for people when somebody breaks up with them and says, you know, you love going to restaurants and city culture and I love camping and skiing. But since we've been dating, I haven't gotten to do any of those things. And then the person's like, what? You never brought that up once. Like, of course we could have made time for that. Why were you keeping that from me? And so I think just understanding that as things are happening and coming up.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That you didn't live and all the other stories that you could have written. But instead, I think think about the fact that this.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Together. And so I think that the questions differ per person, but a lot of it just sitting down and think about, like, what does our life look in the future look like in the future? Like, do you plan on working? What are your values? Do you want to have kids? What are things from your childhood that you really want to repeat? What are things about your childhood that you want to do the opposite of? And I think sometimes when we're so in love with someone, we just assume we're on the same page. And so just kind of echoing our earlier sentiment that I think it's about having these intentional conversations to decide, is this somebody who I could really build a life with? The other key thing is to understand that people often think, am I making the right choice? There's not really such thing as the right choice. I don't believe in soulmates. I think that you could have many great relationships with many great people, and you get to decide, is this the person that I want to do it with? And so, of course, you can think about the lies.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, this is really hard. I mean, the reason why I love that I have a background in behavioral science is that it's really about Science of decision making and so much of a relationship is Am I ready to date? Who should I date? Should I keep dating this person? Should we move in together? Should we get married? And so each of these is a pivotal point in your life. And so the first thing I would say is just having a lot of honest conversations. So before my husband and I got married, we did. There's a great book called Eight Dates by the Gottmans, who are sort of the kings and queens of relationship science and really research-backed. And in the book, there's a series of dates that you should go on to get to know your partner. And so there's conversations about money. There's conversations around family. There's conversations about hopes and dreams in the future. And I did all of the dates with my husband sort of as this project where I was blogging about it. But I'm really glad I had that container that forced me to do the dates because we got so much out of them that I think really did lead us to get engaged and kind of build a life.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So there's a lot of research that shows that people are happier if they live within a five minute walk of their friends. So, Phil, one of the guys who started this community, he's now built an entire company around this premise, and the company's called Live Near Friends. And it's basically either how can you buy property with a friend or near a friend or even rent something nearby. It's basically like instead of making your housing based on your commute or your favorite coffee shop, like why are we not centering our relationships?”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“10 minute walk away. But I truly feel like the people who are there are way less stressed than the average parent that I know.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“We get Truly. Yeah. And, you know, there's plenty of jokes there about a millennial retirement community. Sometimes call it like a rave for introverts. They have a lot of funny names for it. But the point is that this is a group of people who have decided life is better when you're living with your friends. They're not optimizing for the maximum square footage. They're not maximizing for the tonious neighborhood. They're really saying I feel happy when I see a friend in the middle of the day without social coordination. I feel happy when I have an interesting dinner conversation. I love being able to host friends here and now having children there. People just feel like, oh, well, I never had to hire a babysitter because I'll watch this parent's kid or they'll watch my kids. And I no longer live there. I live in a house.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Five kids, it's soon going to have eight kids, and people are just truly living in a pretty radical way, which is why do you have to have a concrete house with just you and your partner and your kid? Why do all your resources have to go towards making one dinner and doing all the dishes? What if you only had to cook every 14 days? What if you could pull your resources and have a hot tub, a cold plunge, a sauna? That stuff is doable when people live in this alternative environment.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Okay, good. The vibe is really like people who come home from work and like want to have an interesting dinner conversation with somebody else and like eat the like rice peelaf that they made. So then they said, well, you know, we're getting to be in our mid-30s and people are going to start having kids soon. Well, this house is not going to work for kids. So they bought a piece of property and they said we're going to turn this into the next phase where if people want to have kids, they can have kids. And in the beginning, everyone's like, this piece of land sucks. This is like close to the highway and close to Bart. But over the years, everyone flocked there, including my husband and me. So during the pandemic, when my husband was going through cancer treatment, that's where we wanted to live. We wanted to live with people, with a community of support, with these other significant others. And so we really had just this group of people who were either old friends or new friends to rely on. And this place now has”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I mentioned communal living. So I have these friends named Kristen and Phil, who are very visionary people, and they are people that are truly living their values and thinking like many steps ahead of most people. So in their 20s, or maybe it was their early 30s when they were dating, they lived in this communal house that they ran in San Francisco. It was about like nine people in a house. They would have dinner together. And there was a lot of shared activities and close relationships. And none of this is sexual. This is not like, I don't know if sometimes people's heads jump to like orgies. That's really not the vibe.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And this is truly something that we in our community embody. And so I think that when my husband knows I'm having brunch with Mike, he's thinking, oh, Mike and Logan are just like these creative animals that literally have brunch with post-it notes and a notebook. And like they're just going to jam out in a way that Logan and I don't. And he feels like that makes Logan happy and makes our relationship stronger. He doesn't feel threatened. And I think that that's hard. A lot of people do feel threatened or they do feel jealous. But the more you can do in your own life to feel confident in yourself and your relationship, people just are drawn to that sort of confidence. And it's better for both partners.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Sometimes this is a person, but like I have plenty of male friends that he's not particularly close to. And from the beginning, I think he's just understood. Like, Logan is a social creature with a lot of deep friendships, and some of them are men. There's this concept called other significant others, which is this idea that it came from research from Eli Finkel and Elaine Chung at Northwestern. And you basically say to a couple, you know, who are the different people that you go to in your lives for different things, whether it's like talking about TV shows, talking about baseball, career advice, and couples that have longer lists of the individual”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I haven't seen science behind that, but just in my own relationship, I feel like a lot of my closest friends are men. And the fact that, you know, just two days ago, I spent like a lot of the day with one of my close male friends. And my husband was like, oh, I'm so glad that you're getting to see David. Make sure you like ask me about this and that. Like, I want the update. And it's like, it's so attractive to me that he's so confident.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think that's a great answer because she can either say that's wishy-washy. I think that's probably a no, that's not good enough. Or, okay, he's open to it. Religion's not something where he has his own conflicting thing that he's attached to. And so, in most of these situations, I feel like we think so much about the strategy and the response and the right thing. It's like, what if we just prioritize communication skills that allow people to ask questions that are true for them and listen to someone's answer and have a conversation around it instead of some AI? Resume reviewer that's basically saying, well, they didn't have the right keywords, so I'm not going to pass them on to the recruiter.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And then the woman gets the information that she needs. And so I think a lot of times it's about how you bring things up. You don't want to paint somebody in a corner where they feel like there's a wrong answer. You want to sort of share and model and make them feel safe saying whatever's true to them. And so, for example, she could have said something like, you know, I've been dating for a while and the older I get, the more I realize my Jewish identity is really important to me. And I grew up celebrating the holidays. I really want to celebrate the holidays with my kids. How important is your religion to you? Then you get a chance to talk about your experience versus feeling like there's a right answer.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But I could see, no, no, but I could see another argument in which the person says, like, oh, you know what? Actually, being Catholic is just such a big part of my family that I just cannot ever see that.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Know that's a really interesting one because I could see it going a few ways. So I could see it being where the guy, not just you, but in general is like, that's way too forward, that's way too intense. The truth is that if I was in love with somebody, I might consider it, but being asked on the first date makes me so turned off that I'm not interested.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, if you feel the same way about your political views, then I'm totally fine with somebody talking about that on a first date. I don't think it's let's to be the role taxes play in America. And it sounds like to you. Having political views in common isn't as important. So I could see you talking about it later.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, you know, I think it depends on how important those things are to you. So if somebody said, I'm Muslim, I really want to raise my kids to be Muslim. Talking about that on a first date feels completely fair”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It's been so interesting in the 10 years of doing this to see how this has changed. So 10 years ago, I did an event with Christian Rutter, one of the founders of OK Cupid. And we talked about this question that they have on an OKCupid survey of, you know, do you care about politics? And what he told me at the time was it was way less important if the person had the same political views as you as if they cared about politics or not. And now fast forward to this year, I would say that's no longer the case, that people really do care about political views because it's moved into the category of values. And so people are really thinking about if we share political views, that's a proxy for do we share values. And so for a lot of people, it's as important or more important to them than something like religion. And so at the end of the day, it's about understanding what really matters to you in your life, what really matters to you in a partner.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I just went to this event that Ramit had, and he said, a lot of times people don't even know what somebody else makes or how much money they have, you know, until something like having a kid or buying a house and it's like we should be having conversations about sex, money, spirituality, children a lot earlier.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I truly do pull on Ramit's work for a lot of this stuff. You know, he has his great podcast where he interviews couples and money and he has a new book, Money for Couples. And I just did a newsletter with him where it was about how to have the first money conversation. And some of the key tips are What does money mean to you? What was your family's relationship with money? When you think about money, what feelings has it evoked? And so just having a conversation where more people are sharing versus having a conversation that needs to come to a specific outcome. Like, well, I make two times what you make, so I should pay two times the rent. It's like, you don't have to get into all the tactical stuff right away. I think approaching it as the first of one of many conversations is a really healthy idea because”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Let's sit down together and have a fun, generative conversation around our rich life. And isn't that fun to think about what we could achieve together versus, hey, I save a lot more money than you do. I don't want your debts to be mine. It's like we're adversaries. And so how can you come at it from a place of we get to do this really exciting thing of design our lives together? Let's have a conversation about it versus this is a negotiation where one of us wins and the other loses.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Approaching things from being a team. So we as a team are thinking about our financial future. And this is, you know, I don't know if you know Ramit Sethi, but sort of some of Ramit's work where it's like, what is our rich life?”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“So, there's definitely people who are more experts on this than I am. A lot of people love Marshall Rosenberg who wrote nonviolent communication or even, I think, some of the work by different negotiation experts is really helpful because you say, how can we solve this together? So I would really encourage people to seek out those resources. But some of the things that I can say are really”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You consciously decide do I go forward or not? And so I think that relationships do offer these decision points. Do we want to be exclusive? Do we want to move in together? Do we want to get married? Do we want to have kids? And each of those is an opportunity to check in with the other person. And so sometimes creating that by saying, hey, let's go away for a weekend and talk about our future. You're really shining a light on an important topic that impacts both of you. And so maybe I'll take back the word ultimatum and instead say, I want people to make conscious choices. I want them to be deciding, not sliding through relationship transitions.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, so I think that the ultimatum, I mean, that term is even loaded at this point because there's like this Netflix show about the ultimatum. And I think when people hear that they probably have a negative assumption of somebody being like, if you don't propose by the end of the year, we're breaking up. That doesn't sound collaborative to me, but I actually do think that decision points are very important in life and in relationships. So there's this great research about, you know, people eating cookies. So like in one part of the experiment, people just eat cookies in a sleeve and they just eat the whole sleeve of cookies until it's over. And then they're like, damn, I just ate a lot of cookies. In another part of the experiment, in between every few cookies are these colored pieces of wax paper. And when you get to the piece of colored wax paper, you think like, do I want to keep going or not? And it creates a decision point that makes”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Idea of mutual trust. It's almost annoying to think about it, but it's like, I think my husband's right most of the time, and I think he's right about really big issues. And so I feel so lucky that I have this person as my decision maker partner where I can really say like, I have this opportunity, this is how far away it is. Do you think I should do it? When we talk through it at the end of the conversation, I either agree with him or he's helped me come to the right decision for myself. And when people have partners where they don't really trust or admire or respect them like I couldn't be in that relationship. And so I think that as parents, you're just constantly making decisions. And that's why I feel even closer to him than ever before because I'm like, we're really basically partners in this big class project and it's been really fun.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Know you and vice versa. And I probably want to live in community at some point, and I want to know if you would be open to that. And now six or seven years after that conversation, it's like, we've done a ton of international travel together. Most of my closest friends are his closest friends, and we lived in this amazing communal environment for two and a half years assuring the pandemic. And so my husband is super stubborn. He's super independent. It's not that he changed himself. It's that he understood things that were important to me and he was able to give them to me in a way that felt genuine. And there's plenty of things that I've done over the years, such as, you know, I'm not vegan, but like there's not a lot of meat in our home and like I'm closer to that or we're currently raising our daughter to be vegan. And so I just feel like we just kept finding that our values were aligned and that we loved hanging out together. And like I can't even emphasize enough.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think people often assume that relationships are smooth sailing and that you just keep dating until you're married. But as somebody who does these like breakup consultations and has really talked to a lot of people over the years, that idea of breakup or getting engaged is pretty common because it's like we either keep going and it escalates to marriage soon or there's no marriage at the end of this, in which case we should break up because we both want to find other people to marry. And so I think just like normalizing that that happens or that people put ultimatums or deadlines on things. I actually think that's happening all the time. For us, it was a lot of conversations about things that we wanted long term. So for example, one of the conversations that we had was I said like here are three values of mine. I really like travel and I want to travel more with you. I want you to get to know my friends better because my friends are so important to me and I want those people to really”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You know, I would, what did we call it back in the day? Like, G chat him like on the shuttle. Like, there was just so much excitement in the beginning around like, wow, like I have a lot of chemistry with this person and we're going to take that friend chemistry and see if there's something romantic there. And it was not smooth sailing all the way. Like there was definitely a moment a few years later where I kind of blew up my life where I left this study job that I had at Airbnb and I moved to New York for a few months to do this TED program and just a lot of changes were happening and we definitely hit a moment of like we're either going to break up or getting engaged and we navigated that moment and how did you know?”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, so it was like it was really exciting. I mean, it felt so exciting. Like, especially, you know, we worked, both worked at Google. It's his big company with thousands of people. So I would go to his cafe instead of my.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Know, I think in my head it's so mythologized that, like, I don't know if I can give you a truly honest answer, but I think it was kind of pouring gasoline onto like the chemistry that we already had.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“On paper, there were some reasons why we wouldn't have worked. So, for example, at the time I was very into Burmese and he not only didn't go, but he would say, I don't really trust anyone who goes to Burning Man. Well, guess what? We went to Burning Man together multiple times. It's like I felt like the deepest parts of us that were connected. So sort of same sense of humor, which is a huge part of relationship, mutual intellectual respect, really trusting each other deeply. Like those things were there from the beginning and have continued to grow. And we still have parts of our lives where we're not the same. He's vegan and I'm not. I like traveling a lot more than he does, but we've built a life where the Venn diagram of the middle is super strong and we each also have the parts of our lives that are separate. And we're not trying to be 100% merged.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Why am I not dating him? And so pretty quickly, you know, being a goal-oriented person, I was kind of like, hey, I don't have plans this Friday night. Like, you know, dot, dot, dot, you should ask me out. And we quickly went on a first date and, you know, a number of dates. And now we've been together for almost 10 years. And I just feel like”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“How does this guy from Burning Man make you feel? Well, he makes me feel anxious. He makes me feel not good enough. He makes me feel not attractive enough. And it's like in continuing to pursue him, I was continuing to pursue those feelings that felt really bad. She said, well, do you know any guys? Have you ever dated anyone who makes you feel this way that you want to feel? And this guy from work popped up in my head. I was like, wow, those tutoring sessions are really fun. We've gotten closer and now we have lunch at work and sometimes I call him after my dates with other people.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Was just witnessing how in pain I was and was like, hey, this isn't working out. I think you should see a dating coach or this isn't working. And so I started seeing this dating coach and it was so helpful because a lot of what we did was kind of pull back the curtain. And so I started to understand when she asked me, the person who you're going to end up with, how do you want them to make you feel? And so a lot of that stuff was, I want to feel desired. I want to feel smart. I want to feel cared for.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Of anxious attachment was coming true for me. So it was like he would pull away, so I would chase him more. Rejected me, so I thought, how can I prove to him that I'm worthy of his love? This guy who I was obsessed with, I had a mutual friend with him. We were sort of in the same extended group of friends. And somebody who knew the guy that I was chasing.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Like, I think he must have been, but that's not what either of our versions of it are. He didn't like. That's not how it felt, but it's so interesting. It's like even using my language of what side of you does the person bring out? I feel like in that moment, I brought out a generous side of him that he maybe doesn't always access. My husband is not the person going through the world asking people if he can do them favors. And I don't know if it even was romantic for him or a feeling of like, I want to be around this person more or like I'm lonely. I just dropped out of a PhD program. I want to make new friends. And so over the next year We did have these R tutoring sessions and I remember them so well and I remember in these like celebratory moments where I'd figure things out and he was a good tutor and it really put him in a good light, right? Like he's just so smart. It was a chance for him to chime. At the same time, there was this guy that I had met at Burning Man who I was obsessed with and definitely pursuing. And every textbook example.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“He went to wasn't smiling in any of them. And I was just like, oh, this guy's like wearing tank tops and a backwards hat, like not for me. And I like that part of the story because I think it shows how quickly we make judgments and how incorrect a lot of those judgments are. So then some period of time later, I held this lunch at Google, which was people who had gone to our college, who worked at Google. And, you know, in retrospect, I think I was expanding my network. I was doing it for the interns from our school, but it was also a way of just meeting more people and maybe meeting more potential partners. And so I sat next to my then husband at this lunch, and I was talking about how I was trying to learn the statistical programming language of R and how it was very hard. And he said, oh, I just dropped out of a math PhD program where I wrote R every day. I will tutor you in it.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Thank you for indulging me and letting me talk about my husband who I love so much. And it's so cliche, but like I just, I feel like I love him way more now than I did in our first year, our second year. Like our lives are just so much more enmeshed. And so my husband and I met in college and we only know this because we became Facebook friends at the time. So I have this vague memory of like sitting next to him in the dining hall and we had a mutual friend and he wrote on my Facebook wall, which back in the day, you know, maybe he was flirting or maybe he wasn't. And then we met again at Google and I saw him on a dating app and I looked at his photos. I can just remember exactly where I was, exactly what the photos looked like. And I swiped left. I said no because from his pictures, he just looked like this unsmiling bro. They were sort of all from this like one hiking trip and maybe one wedding.”
2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source