YouSaid · the spoken record

Logan Ury

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156
first
2025-03-18
most recent
2025-03-18
sittings or episodes
1
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podcast

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  1. “You're looking for love in a different package than you originally thought. You're not just looking for the life of the party person. That's immediately, as charismatic. And so I feel like I'm married to a slow burn. I met my husband in college. We met again at Google a number of years later. And now we've been together for almost 10 years. And so he's somebody where I really feel like as I got to know him more and more, I liked him more and more. And so I really encourage people to go after the slowburn.”

    2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  2. “Connections to this person, but they were actually just really sparky. And I imagine you meet a lot of people through doing this that are really sparky. And so certain people just give off that spark. And it's not about your dynamic with them. It's about who they are. And then the third myth is that if you have a spark, the relationship is viable. We also know that that's not true. Just because you met the right way doesn't mean that it's the right relationship. And so you can have a very sparky beginning, but it can fizzle out quickly. And you shouldn't stay in the relationship because you had a really good we met story. And so my antidote to the spark is going after the slow burn. And the slow burn is somebody who you like them more and more as you get to know them. They may not be instantly the most charismatic person that you've ever met, but they're really a quality person and they really grow on you. And not because you're settling, but because”

    2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  3. “Attraction and appreciation grows over time. So the spark can definitely grow. The second myth is that if you feel the spark, it's definitely a good thing. And actually sometimes certain people give us the spark because we actually don't know how they feel about us. So sort of that hot, cold feeling makes us wonder, does he like me? Does he not like me? And through that, we end up feeling what we think of as butterflies or chemistry, but as actually anxiety and it's actually alarm bells in our head going off Do they like me? Do they not like me? Am I accepted? And so sometimes it's actually a sign of either the person giving you a hot cold feeling or it can be somebody who's a narcissist. I've also found that let's say I go to an event and I talk to some of my girlfriends later and I'll say, oh, I really like that guy. We really hit it off. And then they're like, wait, I really hit it off with that guy. And we realize we all had what felt like unique.”

    2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  4. “Yeah, so the spark is very exciting. Who doesn't want to have that feeling of fireworks and instant chemistry with someone? But through the work I've done, I've actually come to see the spark as a bit of my nemesis because I have coaching clients who say to me, Logan, I went out with this guy. He was great. We had a good time. Oh, I'm not going to see him again. Like, what are you talking about? And they say, I just didn't feel the spark. And so in our culture, people have come to expect that if you don't have that instant feeling, then it must not be your person. And instead, I teach my coaching clients about the three myths of the spark. So the first myth is that if you don't have the spark, then it can't grow. And that's absolutely not true. So we know from research that only 11% of people feel love at first sight. And that means many people are getting to know someone over time. Maybe they live in the same apartment building, they work in the same place.”

    2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  5. “A lot of people on a first date put so much pressure on themselves. They're really thinking about could I spend the rest of my life with this person? I'm really busy. Would I want to see them again? I'm going to treat this like a job interview where I ask them, what's your five-year plan and what did you study in college and really interviewing this person for the role of spouse? And then, of course, people don't feel any spark or any excitement. And so I like to take the pressure off of a first date and say, this is really an opportunity to have an experience with somebody else, to have some fun. And then if you have a good time, you can see them again and you don't have to overthink it and think, is this person who I want to spend the rest of my life with?”

    2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  6. “Your dating app profile is sort of like your billboard. You are telling a story about who you are. Am I ready to date? Who should I date? Should I keep dating this person? Should we move in together? Should we get married? Each of these is a pivotal point in your life. The thing that we think makes us unlovable is often what makes somebody feel comfortable around us. But if we truly feel like we're unlovable, we never open up and give somebody the chance to see that for themselves. The sooner you learn how to date, the sooner you can stop dating, it's not about gathering information. It's about having an experience with them. Imagine that you spend 50 years with someone. The day that you meet is 0.0055% of your total time with them. You have to shoot your shot. You have to approach people in public. You have to take a risk.”

    2025-03-18 · The Knowledge Project with Shane Parrish · Logan Ury: The Dating Myths You Need to Stop Believing · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source