YouSaid · the spoken record

James Sexton

lines on the record: 294
first: 2023-09-18
most recent: 2023-09-18
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“Mommy, are you gonna die someday? Yes, babe. I'm gonna die, and daddy's gonna die, and then someday the Earth's gonna hurl into the sun, and we're all gonna die. Sweet dreams, like that's not, you lie to your kids all the time. You know, what's wrong with me? We don't know what's wrong with you. We're gonna take you to the doctor, and hopefully it's nothing serious and you won't die. Like you lie to your kids all the time. You tell them that Santa Claus exists when he does whatever. So to say, I'm not going to lie to my kids. You lie to your kids all the time. You don't like your husband. That's okay. You don't like your ex-husband, but it's their father. So just grin, you know? Oh, daddy took me to meet his new girlfriend Kiki. Oh, that's nice. You guys have a good time. Good. Oh, that's, yeah, and she helped me do my hair and she did my makeup. Listen, I'm sure that's burning you inside. But you go, oh, that's great because why? You love your kids.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Like, you lie to your children. Like, people say this to me all the time, clients. They're like, you know, why did you tell your child that dad had an affair? Well, I'm not going to lie to my kids. Fuck you. Yes, you are. You lie to your kids all the time.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Just lets it roll off. But, you know, even if it's internally Not rolling off. There is value in In just rising above it in your discourse.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Would say, so you, you know, you dated Penelope Cruz? And he'd go, Penelope, that's just a special lady. It's just special lady. She's just a wonderful, what a wonderful woman. I was just so blessed to have the time with her. What a beautiful, wonderful woman. And I would think to myself, I'm like, you're a genius. He's a genius. Because he never came off as petty, spiteful, bitter. any of that. He just came off as like just dignified strong smart selfish. And like it left, you know, it left the viewer with the impression that like when he was looking off and speaking, he's probably like just thinking about some wonderful time he had with her. And you think to yourself like, God, that guy, like he just became cooler and cooler. Whereas if he'd got into like the whole, you know, oh yeah, that was ugly and then, you know.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Know if you look at his history, he dated some of the most beautiful women in Hollywood in their prime And none of them ever talked bad about him in the press. They all were like, oh my God, he's such a great guy. He's such a great guy. And I always wondered, how do you, he got out of all of those relationships without a scratch on him. And when you'd watch an interview with him.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And we were having dinner and it was going quite well. And it was one of those things where I was like, oh, I definitely want to see this girl again. And I said something about, oh, you know, there's going to be this thing at this museum. We should go. And she's like, oh, yeah, that'd be a lot of fun. And I'm like, yeah, we should definitely, you know, maybe next thing we do together. And she was like, yeah, we should go next weekend. Like the kids are with the asshole so we can go. And I just, it was like, you could hear that record scratch like, you know, I just went, oh yeah, no, this isn't good. Like, I'm not, you're referring to the father of your kids. Is it the asshole? Like we're already. I'm walking into something here that I don't know that I want to be involved in. Matthew McConag, before he was married.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, Laura, his lawyer is actually notorious for not speaking to the press about cases in an extended way. And that's smart move. Like, I don't speak about pending cases I'm involved in publicly. And I discourage my clients from doing so. I can't always stop them, but I discourage them from doing so. There are lawyers who try to try things in the court of public opinion. I think there is a, to take it to the broader principle you just brought up, I think there is a lot of value in talking about your ex in a favorable way. I have to say When I first got divorced many years ago, I went on on a date with a young woman. It was one of my first dates as a divorced man. And she was a divorced woman, and she was a beautiful woman.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The prenup work did, you know, in Kevin Cosner's career, which has always been a steady career. I don't know that in the Hollywood stock market that people would have bet on Yellowstone. I think you would have said, hey, the best years of that guy's career are behind him. How do you get better than dances with wolves and Robin Hood and like all these big, big, the bodyguard? And then Yellowstone. And it's like holy cow did he knock that out of the park. And he's central to it. I mean, he knocked the skin off the ball. So I think that's why prenups are important. You don't know what your career is going to do. You don't know where it's going to go. And so he saved himself a lot of money. He also has a great lawyer. He has Laura Wasser. Laura Wasser is, you know, LA, you know, just a top professional, brilliant lawyer.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But anyway, he'd be amazing in that. Yeah, your conversation with him was a great one. The Kevin Cosner divorce is interesting because Kevin Kosner had one of the most expensive from a distributive award perspective. Like he gave a huge payout to his first wife. And then this time he had a prenup. So it's actually a very public showing of the fact that once bitten, twice shy. Like he had a very public divorce that cost him a lot of assets in terms of the division of assets. And now it appears by all acknowledged reports that he had a prenuptial agreement that was well crafted and enforceable. And, you know, the argument now is over, what is child support, what is spousal support, what's covered in the prenup, and what isn't.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Like the two, it's like Moyama Mashashi, you know, it's like the two swordsmen who see each other, and they just stand there at the edge and they see the whole fight in their minds and they know who won and who lost and they walk away. We do a lot of that. We do a lot of... Okay, you know, it's like when you watch high level chess. And someone resigns, and you go, wait, what happened? He didn't win. And you go, no, no, the other guy won Its fifteen moves from now, but he won, and the other guy sees it. So now we're done”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But good lawyers, like good experience, divorce lawyers, we do the whole, you know, hey, listen, you're going to say this, I'm going to say this. You're going to do this. I'm going to do this. Let's skip it. We're going to end up here. You know, we got Judge Blah, blah, blah, blah, and you know what he's going to do. He's going to go right here. So why don't we just agree right now to X, Y, and Z. Sounds good. We're done. We're good.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But really, they're just trying to shore up a defense. And so I get paid to be paranoid. And I have to say to clients sometimes, like, well, are you sure that they're not doing this? And then they go, well, I don't know. And I go, well, let me inquire. Did she accuse me of that? No, no, I'm not accusing you. I'm just trying. Like we get a reputation divorce lawyers as amping up conflict because we get paid for the conflict, right? It's like if you get paid by the bullet. Going to start a lot of gunfights, right? It doesn't really work that way with most good divorce lawyers. Like, there are plenty of people that are bad lawyers and they stoke up conflict because it jacks up fees. They usually don't do well. They don't build a successful career because you live and die by your reputation.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And it didn't go forever. So you can't. Anybody anymore. Like you, no, it didn't go the way you thought it was going to go. It didn't go the way you signed on for. So now that that's undeniable, like what can we make it? What can we make it into? Like it can be barns burned down. Now I can see the moon. Let's make it something. And so for me, I think people look at a divorce lawyer and they just go, yeah, like this is this horrible chapter and I associate you with it. Also too, listen some of the things we do. It's difficult to simultaneously prevent and prepare for war. Things you do to protect your client sometimes look like acts of aggression.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“One of the things I think that's interesting about divorce is in our increasingly performative society, you can't pretend you meant to get divorced. You can't. Like everything everybody does. Like, well, I wrote that album for me. It didn't matter that it was not going to be popular. No, you wanted that album to be popular. Like, come on. Like, you're lying. And that's fine, but you're lying. Oh, I think my haircut came out great. I wanted it to look this fucked up. No, you didn't. You didn't. You're lying. And that's fine because we live in a society now where everybody's just, oh, yes, I meant to do that. Okay. Divorce nope. You got married, you break up in a relationship, not a marriage. Okay, well, we were only going to be together for a little while. It was never serious. We were just like, you know, we were having fun. That's all it was. It wasn't, we were never going to be happily ever after. No, you got married. You got married, guys. You got up there and you said forever.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Like I spent $15,000 and I feel absolutely nothing different. My piano does, but I don't. I don't have anything to show for it. You finish getting divorced. You don't really have anything to show for it. You know, like”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And maybe you're acquitted, and then you're like, oh, that person saved me. You buy a house, you know, that lawyer helps you get the house. You're happy about that, sign the paperwork. You do a will, like you help they make you feel secure. At best, I'm a representative of a chapter in someone's life that was very unpleasant. I have a friend who's a Juilliard-trained classical pianist. And he was having a humidification system installed in his home because his piano required a certain level of humidity. And it was very expensive to install this humidification system. And we went out to dinner and then we came back to his place. And he said, man, this is the most depressing $15,000 I've ever spent. And I said, why? And he said, because there's nothing different.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I mean, no one's ever happy to. Spending time with a divorced lawyer. Like, if you have a criminal lawyer, they're defending you against the maelstrom of injustice and false allegations. They're protecting your freedom.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, I'm just watching these two letters. I'm like, why did you ask that question that way? I would never have asked it that way. Why would you object? When you object, you bring more attention to what are you doing? I'm watching both of them. It's like watching a jiu-jitsu, probably what it feels like for John Donahur to watch two white belts spar. Like, why are you doing, wow, my God, what are you doing? Why would you grab that? What are you thinking? It's frustrating. It's frustrating to watch. And as a judge, it must just be unbelievable”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I just would be so frustrated because I'd want to get up and, you know, I had to do jury duty once. And it was like a horrific experience for me because I'm sitting there and I'm...”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And they were like, no, no, no, no, no. And then it was shown through text messages and things. They clearly had an affair with the babysitter. And I said, why did you lie? And they said, well, I didn't want that to come out. And I said, right, but now you're a liar. Like, did you molest your child? Because if the answer to that is no, and now you destroyed your credibility because you didn't want to admit that you slept within adult woman. By the way, it would have been good for your case. Would have been good for your case for you to say, yeah, I slept with her because I like sleeping with adult women. That's how I am. I don't sleep with children, much less my own. So why would you lie? And so that concept is incredibly important. And judges theoretically, they have to make very tough calls. I feel like it's the most impotent place to just sit there and dispassionately sort of listen and rule on objections.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“No, not really. Not really. I mean, you can try to demonstrate a lack. What I always tell clients, and this is the art of advocacy, right? I want to use examples of misrepresentations to show that this person's a liar. Like I'm trying to extrapolate from the small, the large. Like I'm trying to say, here's three times he lied, therefore he's a liar. When, in fact, we know human beings don't really work that way. But I've seen people submarine. They're just torpedo their entire case. Because they lied about some dumb shit, some dumb little thing. And I say to them, why would you lie? Why did you lie about that? Like, I had a case where a person was accused of child sexual abuse. And on cross-examination, they were asked, did you have an affair with this babysitter?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think that they're assessing credibility, which is what you call it in the law, is something that I think you're supposed to develop it on the job.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You have to pay attention to the whole thing, and everyone is trying to persuade you and lie to you. And everyone can keep their shit together in a court appearance most of the time. It takes a rare kind of crazy to blow up in a courtroom. So, most of the time, everybody looks really put together and like, yeah, you got to have an amazing bullshit detector. I'm not saying they don't have a really hard job. They have a really hard job. They have a way harder job than I have.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You won some other thing. You know, like I want to win a fair fight. Like I want to go in with the rules set, the law, the rules of evidence. I don't want a judge who doesn't understand evidence. I don't want an adversary who plays it fast and loose with the rules. I want to go in and win a fair fight. And that's where when it comes, our passion to protect the innocent, to emotionally connect, to feel deeply about children and protecting them. I don't think that that's antagonistic to like we always treat danger with decapitation in this culture. And I don't understand it. And that's what I like about the law. The law, there's rules, and there's rules about procedure. And so that's our job is to bring out the truth using the rules and the procedure. And I love that job.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Psychologist who their job is they're a validation expert. So their job is to interview a child, they record the interviews with a hidden camera so that everyone can see they didn't ask suggestive questioning. There are very stringent standards that they follow to prevent like suggestive questioning or any of those kinds of things. And I was saying, listen, no, no one should be interviewing this child other than this person who's a neutral qualified person. And I kept saying to the other side, like, wait, no, no. See, this is the problem. Like, you want to win. You're a lawyer. You want to win. I want to win too, right? But we want to win fair. Like that's like saying, you know, I'm going into a boxing match. I want to win. So if the referee's looking to the side, I'm going to kick the guy in the nuts. Like, okay, then you might have won, but you didn't win boxing.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I don't think you have to. I have to tell you, I once actually went off on a DA, on a district attorney, who was very vehemently prosecuting a child sex abuse that I was involved in. And I remember I came in, thankfully, I came in very early in the case. So the accusation was made, and I came in right away. Because very often you get this case. There have been 15 interviews. This person's been interviewed by police, by child protective services, and it's like they've already, they're already so far down a hole they didn't even know they dug themselves into, you know? So I got in very early on. And I just kept saying, she's like, well, we're going to do this. We're going to do this. I was like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. We should both want this to be fair, done properly. There's an expert, like a well-respected expert who's a clinical.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Like these rules. I like the rules of evidence. I like innocent until proven guilty. I like that. I'm not saying it's perfect.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Intellectual thing. Oh, you want to learn about this? Represent someone who's accused of child sexual abuse. I've had about a dozen of those cases where I've represented someone who's alleged to have perpetrated sexual abuse of a child. You are guilty until proven innocent. And let me tell you, as a lawyer, that is the toughest cases because you put sex and kids together and everyone loses their goddamn mind immediately. There is a rush to judgment, there is a disregard for procedure. There is a confirmation bias. There's a desire to be a protector. And again, all motivated and informed by really good things, the desire to protect the innocent, the desire to protect the vulnerable. But gang, no, like we have these, I like living in a world that has due process.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, like a person in general, like, and by the way, if my adversary asked that question, I could object, but I can't object when the judge asks a question. They get to rule on that objection. So I'm like, where's this going? She's like, well, no, I mean, spanking can be a form of abuse. She's like, right, but like, you know, are you saying everybody who spanks? And I'm sitting here going, what is going on in your house? What went on with your parents? Because you're bringing some stuff here that's not, this is not what you're supposed to be. This is not your role, you know. But there are good judges and bad judges. And that's a big, big deal.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Husbands and wives. And you're talking about stuff they deal with. I had a woman on the stand, an expert witness on the stand. Who was talking about the emotional and physical abuse that was perpetrated on a seven-year-old? This person had written a bunch of reports that were inevidence in this trial around like day six or seven of the trial. And there's all of this information in the record about this verbal abuse and mental abuse and like gaslighting and really intense stuff that this woman was doing to this seven year old. Judge was like vaguely paying attention for most of the time And at some point, the person says, Well, when a parent is abusing a child, and the judge just interrupts, she goes, Well, look, do you think if a person spanks a child that that's abuse?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It's a jury. No, we don't do jury trails. That's the interesting thing about family law attorneys. Family law attorneys don't do jury trials. We do bench trials. We just persuade there's a person in a black robe. That's the only person I have to convince.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because I have lots of adversaries that they'll not file a motion I thought they were gonna file and I'll go, wait, why didn't they file that? Like tactically, what are they thinking I'm going to do? What is that about? And I would go, well, if I didn't file it, why wouldn't I? And the answer is like they just didn't think to file it. Or like they were too lazy to draft it or they went on vacation last week. So that's why they didn't. And Know driving myself crazy going, there's some tactical reason, there must be. So I think you have to look honestly and don't attribute to the other side your constitution. You know, if I said that, I'd be saying it sarcastically. If you said it, maybe you weren't saying it sarcastically. Like you have to think about the fact that we're unique human beings who express themselves differently.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I mean, straw man, steel man stuff. You do a lot of that, and I think all the best interviewers do. But yeah, I think it's really, really important to think about, I have to know the other side's case much better than my own. You know, I have to know what are their defenses, what are their strengths. I have to map out a strategy that keeps those in mind. And that's hard because early in my career, Would attribute. To the other side. An intelligence and strategy that sometimes wasn't applicable. Like I've learned, like, you know, there's the simplest explanation is the accurate one, you know, the Occam's razor. I think sextons would be never a tribute to strategy that which could be attributed to stupidity. laziness.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, I think so. I think what can be learned about interviewing is... The distillation, like what is most important when I hear a story that I have to present to a judge, the totality of someone's parenting, the good of their parenting, the bad of their parenting, the good of the other parent, the bad of the other parent, I have to sort of boil down what are the best examples, because I can't lay it all out. And then what greater principle do they speak to? You know, the best jiu-jitsu teacher that I think I've had is Paul Schreiner. And Paul doesn't teach just teach you techniques. He's teaching you ways of thinking about concepts in jiu-jitsu. And then here are some techniques that illustrate that. John Donahher, from what I can see, does a lot of that as well. I think they're like soulmates in a jiu-jitsu world.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That's what it is. It's the novelty of the other thing. So I think that if you're Robin Williams and you're like being shot out of a cannon in terms of your performative style and your energy and explosive, yeah, being quiet must be very refreshing. Like, I imagine, you know, incredibly intelligent people must love just watching stupid humor or having a dumb. It's why some of the smartest people I know like really dumb shit? It's why I like Rick and Morty, I think, is brilliant because it's both smart. And dumb.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But that may be a function of. Know that it is enjoyable to be the other thing. One of the things I've always thought Funny in relationships, my own relationships is most women I know who have a husband who doesn't wear a suit every day for a living. When their husband gets dressed up like they're going to a wedding or something, they get like, oh my God, look at, like, look at him, you know? And I wear a suit every day. On the weekends I don't, I wear like jeans and a black t-shirt, but the rest of the time I wear a suit. And I remember I think this has been true in every relationship I've been in since I was a lawyer, including my ex-wife. It was always like, if I had on jeans and I wasn't shaven, it was like, look at you. It's like, Are you kidding me? Really?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Did you ever, you know, Bob Goldwaite, Bob Kat Golthwaite, the comedian? Very, very funny. And he had a whole second chapter. He was like a director and a writer He has this, you know, I saw an interview with him once where he said, you know, yeah, he says, I'm a comedian. I've been a comedian a long time. People always come up to me and they're like, oh, you're a comedian. Do you want to hear a joke? He's like, and all I can think is, oh, yeah, that'd be a real fucking treat. I haven't heard jokes all day, all night for years. That would be a real special occasion. Yes. Like, I get it, you know.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Concepts. I just argue for a living. So in my free time, I don't find argument that enjoyable When it's intense I find discussion more interesting.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Know, like, well, I was given 10 million, but then I turned it into 100 million. Well, the first million is the hardest, so, you know, come on. But I think the question of like how much sex were we having at the beginning of the relationship, that might be the wrong gauge, because that's like we couldn't keep our hands off each other and we just, it's novelty. But, you know, like how far, how much sex we're having post-children versus before the children, that might be worth looking at, you know, like, how do we compare it? You know, like, am I overweight compared to what? When I was 20 and running marathons or most 50-year-old men, I don't know. I gotta, I gotta, like, what do you compare it to? So I think fighting, there are some people that I think they enjoy fighting. Like they enjoy argument, you know. I know people that enjoy political debate. I don't particularly enjoy political debate. Not that I'm not very interested in political concepts, economic.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“He says, because if success is where you are, Oprah's got a salt beat. Or maybe Elon's got I don't know. But if it's where you are versus where you started, because there's a lot of people that started on second and start on third act like they hit a double.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Problematic is when there is a disconnect between the two people. Like, so You know, there's a, I think it's Annie Hall. It's one of the Woody Allen films. Where Diane Keaton and Woody Allen are both talking to their respective therapists about the relationship, you know, but it's like a split screen. And she says, I mean, we have sex all the time. We have sex like once a week. And he goes, We never have sex. We have sex like once a week. You know, it's funny because it's true. It really is this, you know, they both know the same data, but they're interpreting that data set completely differently. And I think the question you have to start asking is, like, what is, you know, Steve Harvey actually once said something funny to me, said that success is not where you are. Success is where you are in relation to where you started”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Just disrespect, insults, profanity, just degradation, just brutality, just, and then like to then kind of go on like the next day, you kind of go on like nothing happened. I'm shocked by it. I mean, I listen to it and I think like, I have someone ever spoke to me that way. I don't know that I could ever really feel deep connection to them like freely. I would feel so betrayed, like that they just so brutal. Like, I can't imagine speaking to someone that way. Like saying you just such vicious insults to someone, you know, like I, but I understand that's how some people communicate, perhaps. I guess the question of how much fighting. Is too much fighting in the relationship is for me a bit like the question how much sex is enough sex in the relationship. It depends on the two people and their individual tastes. But what's”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, you know, it's very, I've seen some crazy fights. I have even on my phone, I have some recordings. Now there's cameras everywhere, it's like nest cams and ring cams. So a lot of this gets recorded. And people have phones so readily available that they can record and the other person know it. And I listen to the way people speak to. First of all, I listen to the way people speak to each other and I'm shocked. I listen to the way people speak to their romantic partner, to their spouse, and I'm blown away. I'm blown away.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But they've also disappointed each other a whole bunch of times, probably let each other down, they probably lied to each other a bunch. And yet, and to me, that is a beautiful thing. Like, that's not its great in spite of that. It's great because of that. They still love each other, even though they've been so flawed and imperfect. And they're human. And they still love each other. They still rode that thing together because the reasons to do so were greater than the reasons to not.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Too heavy. It just feels like when you see a couple that's 90 years old and they've been together for sixty years, seventy years. There is, of course, a temptation to think about all the beauty that they've seen on that journey together, the children, the grandchildren, maybe the great grandchildren, all the joy that they've seen, all the pain they've endured and struggled together, you know?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But I know there isn't. I know that I don't say that part, but like, I know there isn't. There isn't a perfect thing to say. But if there was a perfect thing to say, I would say it right now. Like, love to me is not that you never let this person down. It's that you never want to let this person down. You know, it's love is a verb. It's this feeling of I never want to disappoint you. I will disappoint you, but I never want to disappoint you. I will hurt you, but I never want to hurt you. When I hurt you, it will be my insecurity, my stupidity, my humanity that causes me to hurt you, but I will never intentionally hurt you. You know, I will betray your trust. I'll never intentionally betray your trust. Like I will, by my stupidity, say the wrong thing or loose lip, say something to someone that you didn't want me to, but it won't be intentional. I will always try to be on your team.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“To have someone never disappoint you. It's impossible to have someone who never lets you down or doesn't say and do the exact right thing at the exact right time. And to create the idea or expectation in anyone that your partner should never let you down, never disappoint you, never not know what to say. I think crazy. I mean, I find for myself when someone, for example, loses someone, when someone loses a family member or a pet, I often say the same thing to the person. I'll either talk to them or send them a text or call them, and I'll say, I wish I knew the perfect thing to say because I would say it right now.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“It's this idea of like, you know, the yin and the What I have an issue with is that the definition of soulmate that I think is sold to so many people now is this idea that if your partner is disappointing to you in any way, meaning they're not the perfect travel companion, they're not the perfect vocabulary companion. They're not the perfect roommate. They're not the perfect lover. They're not the odds of someone being all of those seems crazy to me. Like it's infinitesimally small. And they don't have to be everything. Like if I go to a restaurant and eat 10 courses and one of them is kind of subpar and the other nine are the most amazing culinary experience I've ever had, how dare I say, well, that wasn't the right restaurant. What do you mean? Like, that's a great restaurant. What are you talking about? Of course, there was one little thing. So I think it's impossible.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, Yeah, you're saying that this idea underlying there's this current of like they were made for each other. I think there's a distinction between the feeling that someone is your missing puzzle piece, that you're made for this person. I think what that just means is there's a lot of overlapping, beautiful connections. I love them intellectually. I love them sexually. I love them interpersonally. We have some shared history. We have some shared commonalities. We were raised in the same culture, raised in the same religion. We have politically similar ideas. These are all, or we have totally opposite ones, but they're complementary. Like, I've always joked that finding someone with complementary pathologies. You know, like I'm obsessively disciplined. So having a partner who's like flexible and like spontaneous is really good for me. And also me being like, no, no, no, come on, come back. We're going to do this now. No, no, it's time to actually do this now. Like we're good for each other. It's barefoot in the park, you know.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“The more you enter into it with that, like anytime I deal with another lawyer and they're like, well, we'll see you in court. See you in court. Like empty barrels make the most noise. Like you and I as people who've been in the jujitsu community or been, I know some dangerous people. I know FBI SWAT people. I know people that know how to do things to people. And they're the calmest guys you ever meet in your life You scuff their sneaker. They go, yeah, don't worry about it, man. It's okay. Like, they're quick to apology. Like, they're just chill.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source