YouSaid · the spoken record

James Sexton

lines on the record
294
first
2023-09-18
most recent
2023-09-18
sittings or episodes
1
sources
podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

  1. “I don't care. I don't care. And I believe we don't care. And I think there's something to that. If something hurts so badly. You go, I'm going to do it again. I'm going to do it. Then it must be a value. It must be of real value.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  2. “And you'll never. You'll never lose that pain. But I promise you, your heart has an infinite capacity for the kind of love you felt with that dog. And you'll never feel a love that replaces the whole. Like there will never be another buster for me But there was Kaba. You know what? And when he's gone, there will never be another one of him. But you know what? Like when that stupid puppy that was five months old stumbled in, I went. I guess I'm gonna do this again. And you know what? I'm so glad. I'm so glad. And I know, by the way, I know now because, and that's where I've said, like, you know, it's that Joseph Brodsky poem, you know, a song. Like, I wish I knew no astronomy when stars appear. Like, I wish I didn't know the pain. But you know what?”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  3. “And then some friend called me and said, we have an adoption event. Can you just watch this dog for 24 hours and then we'll take him? You know, we just need to, you know. And I went, yeah, all right, I'll watch a dog for the night, you know, and this dog comes and they say, oh, he has mange. He's not going to fuck. I got another dog. He walked in and my heart went, yeah, I got a dog. And now that dog is 13 years old. And his eyes are cloudy and he doesn't go up the stairs real well. And he's going to break my heart. And I wouldn't change that for the world.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  4. “It's just the return is so great on the investment, you know, like the listen, man, I've had more than one dog When my dog died, the first dog I had died, I remember when I'm never gonna love again, I'm done. I'm done with this. I will never expose myself to this kind of pain again. I'll never have to take the dog bed and put it in the closet. And like, oh.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  5. “No, because again, you know, 56% of marriages end in divorce, but 84% are remarried within five years. Like we keep doing it over and over again.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  6. “Build their post divorce life to sort of rise from the ashes of that which has fallen apart and move on to the next chapter and refocus and have the things they need financially, emotionally, whatever it might be, interpersonally in terms of with their kids. And so for me, it's actually a job that is very consistent with my desire to build connection and to be empathetic.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  7. “Is hard, but I was a hospice volunteer for many, many years when I first got out of college. And it really showed me a lot about Know what is What is sadness? What is tragic? And what is just inevitable decay? What is pain and decay? Like we all die. Like we play a game you can't win to the utmost. And so if we know the answer to all of this is you're going to die, then what do we do with the rest of that time? If all your stuff is just stuff, it's just going to go to the, you know, the money's going to go. Like everything's your looks is going to go. Everything's going to go. Love's going to end one way or the other. Then what are we doing? you know and i again i think it's love and connection but what i'm doing for a living is helping and i don't look at it as what i'm doing is helping people beat the crap out of each other i look at it as i'm i'm trying to help a client”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  8. “So, I have to feel this person's story and feelings from every possible angle, because every one of them is a vulnerability and every one of them is a potential strength and a potential defense. And so I actually think it's my number one, other than extemporaneous speaking ability, it is my number one job tool, is the ability to radically empathize and to put myself in the emotional state of someone in its best possible light and its worst possible light so that I can see, again, the defense and I can see the vulnerability.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  9. “No, I think it's actually why I'm well suited for what I do. I think what I do is I have to learn the story of my client and know it and feel it very deeply. And I have to feel it in a very human way that's very compassionate to this person. And then I have to feel it and understand it in a way that's incredibly antagonistic to it so I can shore up defenses.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  10. “My earliest experiences with psychedelics at 16, 17. I was very attuned to that. I was very much, that was put on my radar by psychedelics. Just stayed part of my consciousness forever. And I think I had a 30 something year break from psychedelics. But it was like when I came back to it, I went, oh yeah, it's still there. That's still the core of everything is connection.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  11. “I think there is something about womb like cocoon-like joy, you know, of like love. Know when you're just talked, snuggled in, like just pressed against each other with that, like that, that's such a, you know, like a, it's just the two And that's lovely, you know, and that's such a A good thing, and we were just dying for connection. Big, it's so everything, you know, one of my earliest psychedelic experiences, probably when I was a teenager But a theme that's been persistent in every psychedelic experience I've ever had is this idea of like everything is connection. Everything is. Being pressed to someone and with them, you know, like the warmth of human connection. One of the reasons I enjoy listening to your work and your perspective has always been that I think at the core, you see connection and love. And I think for me.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  12. “Know he's pretty honest about man. Yeah, I gotta work really hard to stay and show. I gotta work really hard to be able to do this. Like, yeah, I'm not good at memorizing that. It takes time But I've never heard him say, like, marriage is a lot of work. And I think that's to his credit because it seems like They're enjoying that. It's also not incredibly public. Like, it's not something most people couldn't pick her out of a lineup”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  13. “I'm sure. That's probably because he has a great wife and he has a great wife in part because of that. I think it's clear that he's in her corner and cheering for her. It's clear she's cheering for him. Like they have, it's not like Joe Rogan's not a man who has opportunity. I mean, he's surrounded by UFC ring girls, for God's sakes. Like, this is a guy who has all the opportunity in the world, and he seems to be quite a fan of his wife. And that is, you know, that's a superpower. Like, that's a real thing. Now, the question is, he doesn't seem to talk about it like, oh, I got to really work at that Know, and that's not a man who's afraid to talk about what he works at.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  14. “You don't take sides against the family. You don't show that weakness to the world. I mean, again, I don't know that. Know that Steve in candor would say you shouldn't discuss it with your own therapist, you know, but I think what he's saying is don't project it out to the world. Don't share that because I think it can change the way people view your relationship, which then will change the way you view your relationship. And so I think Don't run reckless when it comes to that primary relationship. Don't run your mouth recklessly.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  15. “Yes, yes Of that, all of that. And I even have moments as I pull up to the courthouse and I listen. I wear certain cufflinks that are like my lucky cufflinks or something. And I pull up to the courthouse. I walk into the courtroom and I have this feeling in the pit of my stomach. And then it starts. The moment it starts, something in me goes, Oh, yeah, I know how to do this It's instantly like I just own it. I love it. And it's, yeah, the people that love this job, you know, being a trial lawyer, being particularly a divorced trial lawyer, family law trial lawyer, I love it. I love it. I love it more than I loved it when I started doing it. I still, you know, I can't imagine spending five days a week looking forward to two. I love what I do. I don't know that I'll ever love anyone or anything more than I love.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  16. “I think that's a function of our professions. We even after 20 plus years of doing this, like the night before a trial, I can hardly sleep.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  17. “Not only are there two sides to every story, like that there's just so much complexity and nuance to these research. But I think everyone was asking the question whether you were team dep, team heard, or team, I could care less about either of these people. Everybody's looking at it going, why? Like 8 billion people in the world. Why did you stay together? Just break up. You're miserable. It's obvious. It's obvious you're not this can't be worth it”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  18. “Of course. And by the way, perpetrators of domestic violence are charismatic. How else would they get victims? You know, it's not like if they were ogres, no one would sign on for that relationship. It's that when they're good, they're so good When they're bad, you go, but wait, no, that's not him. The really good person's him. You know, we saw that in the public testimony of that Depp Hurd thing is there were moments where you look at her and go, oh my God, like I want one just like that. And there were moments where you listen to the testimony and go, oh my God, she's awful. Like, what? That's just evil. And the same for him. So I really. This should teach us something about”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  19. “You don't invite friends. People always say, Oh no, I saw them. They seemed so happy. People always do this to me as a divorce lawyer. They come in and they go, Well, here's photos of the kids smiling with me. So that's proof that like I'm a good dad. I'm like, there's photos of Jeffrey Dahmer smiling with people he ate. And you think these photos prove something? Like, I don't, the lack of, I'm in the middle of a very complex domestic violence trial, and the entire defense on the other side is, well, we have photos of them on vacation where they look very happy, and she never called the cops. No defense at all Most victims of intimate partner abuse don't call the cops. They don't identify, self identify as victims of domestic violence.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  20. “A lot. It's the norm. It's not the exception. They just happen to have a grand scale because they have lots of people around them and lots of money. But yeah, it's all this kind of dysfunction, that kind of chaos, that kind of he said she said to people with completely differing histories of what happened. False allegations of domestic violence or true allegations of domestic violence that are completely denied by the person and you have witnesses that will say, oh my God, they never engaged in any kind of. Because again, no one engages in domestic violence with company over.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  21. “Because they both look awful. They both look awful. And I don't think I'm qualified to say if one or both of them are awful, but they both had moments in that courtroom where their behavior and words looked awful. And I just don't know that exposing that to the world. I just don't know. I mean, I understand the point of view that by bringing that suit, Johnny Depp was saying, look, yeah, I have to show these awful things to the world about myself, but it's not as bad as what she's claimed I've done. So I get it. I'm not saying that's incorrect. And for Amber Heard, I think her response is, well, for him to say I'm lying, you know, I have to prove my, but my God, like what a awful thing to watch. All it really is is just another couple. You know how banal that is? You know how many of it is.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  22. “That was one of the Johnny Depp Amberd thing was a great example of in a gunfight between those two, everyone was cheering for the bullets. I mean, no one was, I don't think anybody looked like a hero. They both looked like what they are, which is humans, really flawed humans who had Know it really is like that people magazine thing stars, they're just like us and went like, oh yeah, they're just like us like they cannot keep it together They cannot have like they just have these ridiculous toxic moments where both of them look awful in that trial”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  23. “It's the gap between the two trapezes, you know, like once you've hit send and you're like, well, let's see where this goes. Coming back now, you know, and you're waiting and waiting. It's like that moment of just hang is, yeah, that's a rush. I mean, that's a rush. That's a beautiful thing.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  24. “I mean, there's so much of our communication that is missing. Your expression, like my sense of humor does not do well via text. Because I have sometimes a sarcastic sense of humor or I have a dry sense of humor. And it does not always translate well to text. The nuance of things is lost sometimes”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  25. “And B, I just know what it looks like on the outside. Like I know when I read it what it looks like. And that's not always accurate. Like to just see the, it's like when you watch, you know, a video of someone at just their worst moment, you know. And the person tries to say, but wait, that's not me. Like that was just me in that moment. That was me at this incredible low point. I think as a lawyer, my job is to weaponize that and to try to say, okay, this low point is indicative of who they actually are. And when I'm defending someone, I'm supposed to say, you know, well, this is their low point. And we've all been to a low point, and this is just a moment in this person. And to judge them by that moment, would you want to be judged by your worst moment? So I have to be able to look at that both directions.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  26. “There may be something about text. That for whatever reasons inspires a kind of candor. Because I think it is a new way to communicate, right? In the scheme of things. And so sometimes we don't know the thing until it's really coming to existence. So I don't know. I think it started as something that we just communicated in a very extemporaneous, unplanned way. Like texts were meant to be. I'm here. I'm outside, whatever it might be And so, what happens when you start to talk about more emotional, deeper, bigger things, or visceral things or more emphatic, passionate things using a technology that was originally just being used for the other purpose? I don't know the answer to that. What I do know is, yeah, as a lawyer, From an evidentiary perspective.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  27. “What is the reward of doing it via text worthwhile? Listen, the reward of love, I think, is worth the risks of love. But the benefit of communicating by text, does it merit? That risk of that being in writing that the person can reflect on and review and scroll back and get heated up again about.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  28. “Do you think like a lawyer, but lawyers think lawyers think like detail, you know, and why would you write that down? Like, you know, writing it down, like, would you write it down and would you put it on a billboard in Times Square? Because everything you say on Facebook or Instagram can and will be used against you in a court of law. Like every photo you post. I mean, that's going on with his name. Jake Paul or whatever Paul and Dylan Danis right now. That guy's girlfriend, every picture's ever been put on the internet of her by her is being weaponized right now.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  29. “I totally get it. But is there some, if you're looking just at the texts, like it begs the question Wouldn't you take the nap and then go, Hey, listen, I just woke up from the nap. It turns out I was really tired. Like, is that not happened by text?”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  30. “Maddie got a good grade honor science thing. Oh, that's great. She's doing so well. It makes me so happy. Yeah, her teacher said she's doing really well. Yeah, that's really great to see. I'll be there about 15 minutes late. No problem, see you then. Like, it was a day ago. Was there some, I want to know, was there a phone conversation in between where one of you went, hey, man, listen, I'm really sorry about that. Oh, no, look, we were both pissed, whatever. Or is it just like you did that and then we're supposed to pretend that didn't happen and now we're just going to talk about what Maddie got on her test.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  31. “I don't think we should have substantive discussions via text. I think text was designed for are you here? Yes. 15 minutes away, or I got here safely, love you, like that substantive discussions. People love having arguments via text. And I have to say, when you read other people's text messages, as I am often forced to do. It is amazing. Because just like that Google history you were talking about. I don't know how the hell you got from one thing to another. Like, I was just reading actually on the way here in the car, I was reading through a text exchange between two co-parents in the middle of a custody thing that I'm involved in. It's like you piece of shit. You never cared about anything. And I'm going to have no right to take the kids from me. And then the next day, nothing in between. The next day.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  32. “I'm human and I was at my limits. And I'm watching opposing counsel cross out entire sheets of their cross-examination because it's gone now. They thought that they had their like Perry Mason moment. They had their like, did you order the code red moment? And it's gone now. Because if you just own and accept your fault or your issues in the relationship. You can take a lot of the power out of that.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  33. “Will say, I'd like to have this marked for identification shown to the witness what is that? It's a text message. Who's it You sent it? Yeah. Read it out loud for the court. Do I have to? I think you should. You're a piece of S. Does it say S? What does it say? Well, it's a profanity. So you say it's. You piece of shit, I hope that you die. You sent that to her, yes. Why? I was really mad. Do you think that was good? No. Do you think it was helpful for your co-parenting relationship with her? No. Why did you send it then? You know, she sent me like 50 texts exactly like that, and I never responded, and I pushed it down every time. And then finally, I just blew up at her. If you had it to do over again, would you do it differently? You know, I wish I could say I would, but the truth is.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  34. “There wasn't. It actually, I think, helped his credibility. It was my client, so I thought it was the right move. We hadn't really discussed it in advance, but he was naturally intelligent enough to go, yeah, my credibility, like I'm not going to lie under oath. I'll admit what it was, but I'll do it in such an, you know, we did it like at the end, like Eminem at the end of eight mile. Like it was very like, yeah, I cheated on her with this person. Now tell these people something they don't know about me And that's kind of how I try to. As a trial lawyer, we actually, in my firm, refer to it as the eight mile strategy, which is like we will, if I know there was a text message sent, you know, you piece of shit, I hope you die. My client sent that text message to his co-parent. On my examination of my client.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  35. “Which is just like you kill your credibility. Oh no, she's just my very good friend. She's not. She's not. That makes no sense whatsoever. Or no, we were just friends at that point. And then several months later is when we, once this marriage was over, that's when we got together as partner. That's ridiculous. But sometimes people just own it. Just own it. Like, I did a deposition of an executive once and Know opposing counsel like thought they were gonna really hit him. They were like, and looking at this credit card receipt, what was this charge for for this hotel? He was like, oh, that was for a hotel room that I got with my girlfriend. And you were married, yes, yes. Where did you stay at the hotel? It was, we didn't even stay. We actually just did like an afternoon delight, rolled around in bed for the day.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  36. “And sometimes we have to prove inclination and opportunity. We have to prove that this person had the inclination to cheat and that they had the opportunity to cheat. And then we want to show that, okay, so when they went away, that should be considered dissipation and marital assets. So if you go out to dinner with your brother, you didn't dissipate the marital estate. But if you bought your paramour, a Tiffany bracelet, that would be a dissipation marital assets and the person's entitled to a credit back for that from what was taken out of the marital estate. So we do sometimes have to authenticate text messages on the witness stand or in depositions. And what's interesting about that is the way people approach it. Like people sometimes try to pretend, oh no, this is just my good friend.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  37. “Well, you can have. We've had times where we have to prove infidelity because we want to prove what's called wasteful dissipation and marital assets, which means that you were spending money that was marital money. On a paramour, that's what the legal name for a boyfriend or girlfriend in the marriage. And usually the person calls it that whore. Or that piece of shit, but we call them paramour the paramour.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  38. “Yeah, I mean, you know, cheating doesn't come up as much because most states are no fault states now, so why someone's getting divorced, whether it's infidelity or, you know, it doesn't matter. There's no good spouse bonus or bad spouse penalty.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  39. “Yeah And then a restaurant nearby. Like, how did I go from this to that? But it made sense at the time So, when you ask someone How did our relationship fall apart? It's like looking at the Google search history of yourself. From 10 years. You don't even know why you were thinking about those things. And now you want to understand why you did what you did, felt what you felt, she felt what she felt, she did what she did, and why the two of you, how you impacted each other and interacted with each other. Really? You think that's doable?”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  40. “Powerful, wealthy, famous former client where there's a whole series of texts about is my dick weird. Which, by the way, I think the answer is if you have to ask if you have a weird dick, the answer is probably yes. Because I've owned one and I've never thought, is this weird? But The fact that you're having this discussion, like it's absurd, it's hilarious. Like, love is hilarious, it's bizarre, it's such a weird vulnerability, it's such a... A basic visceral human need, it really is something that we just, you know, it's mysterious, but it doesn't have to be that complicated. I don't think that even betrayal, like I said, it doesn't have to be that complicated. I think we can frame it differently.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  41. “Yeah, the sacks and the like, you know, like it's just so ridiculous because people have to go through like all kinds of gymnastics to be able to meet and have sex in weird places. And you're reading this, and you're reading these texts, and you kind of go, oh my God, and by the way, like I've represented some very powerful people. You read their texts with their lover or even their spouse, like even their spouse, you know, and they're just pathetic. I mean, they're just so not powerful. They're so like, hey, babe. I have a very...”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  42. “How we make the sausage in a divorce lawyer's office, this is some of the most entertaining moments, is dramatic readings allowed of people's infidelity exchanges with their lovers.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  43. “It's so crazy. I mean, like, you know, I think it's funny. I think. This is real candor, but you know, as a man, like, there's nothing funnier than when you finish masturbating, you know, there's no more humbling moment. And I like to think about the fact that like the richest, famous, most powerful person in the world, they jerk off. You know, the most powerful man in the world jerks off, I'm sure, you know, all of them do. I mean, you probably know them, so you could ask. And that moment where you just come and you go, what am I doing? Like, what the now I gotta wipe that like, oh, good lord. And there's this feeling of, but a second ago this seemed like a great idea. And it was, by the way, it was a great idea. But there's this moment, this satori, you know, where you just go, oh, like what? This is so silly. Well, like, that's love. That's sex. Like, it's crazy. Like, when you read other people's infidelity, the text messages, the emails, because I have to do that all the time. And I'll tell you.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  44. “And so I understand there's a shame in saying this person cheated on me or I cheated on this person. I represent the cheater and I represent the cheated. I represent the victim of domestic violence. I represent the perpetrator of domestic violence. I represent the person with the substance use disorder, the person married to the person. So I don't get to choose the white or the black hat. Like I have my client and that's my client. And it forces me to put myself into their story from their point of view. And I think that kind of radical empathy that you need to engage in on a daily basis to represent people in those kinds of proceedings, it just, I don't know, it just doesn't seem like there's good guys and bad guys. It just seems like it's complicated and people's intentions and where they actually end up are different.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  45. “Beautiful, like we made it through, you know, like we survived it, and we were fools, and we were fools for love, and there are worse things in the world to be fools for. But I also do think that most relationships where there was infidelity. And it's not a popular thing to say, and I'll get pilloried for it. You know, I just don't. know and I don't want to blame the victim of infidelity Was the relationship really where it needed to be? Were you truly the most just dutiful spouse who was seeing this person's needs be met? Again, we've established in the granola story that people can sometimes with good intentions not be meeting their partner's needs or perceiving their partner's needs or their partner isn't communicating them the right way or all of the above. But I've rarely seen very happy, content couples that cheat on each other.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  46. “I'm continually astounded. How long the hurt and anger of betrayal can reverberate? I have clients who were four years, five years past when the divorce ended, the cheating was discovered. And they're as angry as they were the day they found out. And I don't know what that's about. Because I also have clients that they look back on it and they go, you know Screwed up like we were, you know, we didn't do the best, but we did the best we could do at the time. And there should be stars for wars like ours, you know? Should be champagne for the surviv”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  47. “Or it was wrong. It was awful. And I don't understand why that would have to be how we do it. I think we could look at relationships like what they are, which is chapters in a book. And that book is our life. And those chapters all have significance. And none of them would have, the later chapters, none of them would happen without the prior ones. So there's this beauty to me of that. And I don't know if it's a choice. Or if that is how it is, and the rest is just narrative that we've put on top of it culturally for some reason.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  48. “And I remember one of my worst fears was that this is how I would remember my mother for the rest of my life, that I would never be able to think of her, that I didn't think of what she had become in the last months, where she was withered away to nothing in this bed, you know? And I learned over time that memory is very kind, that faded somehow. And that now when I remember her, I remember her healthy and vibrant. I remember her laughter. I remember positive things. Some of that is I like to look at photos of that, but some of it is just how I think memory works. And I don't know why we don't apply that to relationships. And I think part of it is because we have this binary view of relationships, that it's either success, which means you live happily ever after for the rest of your lives and die together. Like in short succession.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  49. “Most people, when they talk about how they met, their face softens. They both, in the other person, looking at them telling the story, gets that look you were talking about before. And because they remember that thing and how they felt at that moment. And when this person was a choice, not a default, not their automatic plus one, but the person they asked to the wedding, not the, of course you're bringing her, it's your wife. You bring your fucking wife places. Like it was still, hey, there's like, you know, three and a half billion women and I'm picking you, you know? Like that feeling. And I don't know why when a relationship ends, you can't do that. A lesson I learned when my mother passed away of a very, she had a two-year terrible battle with cancer and was on hospice and was very, very sick. And it was a very slow and awful end.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source

  50. “I am making a choice as to how I will remember you. And we do it in relationships. I always tell people, you know, if you ever want to see a couple light up, if they're ever like a couple at the table that's, you know, it seems like they got in a fight or something, ask them how they met.”

    2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source