YouSaid · the spoken record

James Sexton

lines on the record: 294
first: 2023-09-18
most recent: 2023-09-18
sittings or episodes: 1
sources: podcast

Every line below is reproduced as it was said and linked to the record it came from. Nothing here is summarised or generated. Directory · Search · Corrections

“And so I have to try to imagine what these two people looked like when they were in love with each other and how that even existed. But I have to tell you, like I don't function that way. Every woman I ever had a relationship with, like when I think of them, I don't think of the ending necessarily. I think of, I try to think about the greatest hits. I try to think about the moments that were wonderful where I loved them and they loved me. And like there was joy and there was connection. And I don't know why you choose not to. You know, it's there's that old axiom. I don't know who said it, that if you don't learn to find joy in the snow, you'll have less joy in your life in precisely the same amount of snow. And I genuinely believe, like, okay, the relationship ends. This is where it ends. We're done now.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Correct. That's well said. Boy, I get a new tattoo idea. That's good. I like But I do believe when I'm behind closed doors with people, I say to them how you end things is going to be how you're going to remember the whole thing. And that's unfortunate because, you know, you watch like a two-hour movie. And if the last 15 minutes of it sucked, you go, well, that movie sucked? Like, well, the first hour in 45 was great, you know. But you walk out with this bad taste in your mouth. I'm genuinely In awe of how easily people forget that they loved each other And I'm amazed because by the time I meet them and by the time they hire me to be a weapon against the person they were in love with, there's nothing but animosity there.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, it's interesting that you came to that not being a divorce lawyer because I felt that way for a long time. And I really try to say to my clients, like in the courtroom at the negotiating table, I have a role to play where I have to be sort of like a pit bull or, you know, some kind of like a courtroom sociopath. But behind closed doors, I'm very candid with people. I try to be much more emotionally attuned.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“By a woman in their life. And vice versa. I've seen men, you know, who really is shocking how much leverage we give to our romantic partners and how little discussion we really genuine discussion we really have about it, how much we really are ever trained to think about it. You know, there's nothing in school that teaches us about it. So much of literature and art is an idealized version of it so little of it is real.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Have to expose, and that's the part that I think is hard for everyone is to expose yourself in that way. But that's what I mean even when I said about getting a dog or having a child. Like loving anything is tremendously courageous. Because it's terrifying And it's only brave if you're scared, if you're not scared, you know, it's not brave. It's just stupidity. It's just, you know, it's bravery when you're afraid and you do the thing anyway. And so love is like, yeah, it's scary. I don't care who you are. In the jiu-jitsu community, like I'm around, you know, as you are incredibly tough people, like physically tough people, mentally tough people. But I've seen some of those people taken down. 120 pound wom Not from a grappling perspective, but they are taken apart.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You have to give something to get something. You have to, everything you do creates a vulnerability. Every move you make in jujitsu creates opportunity and creates vulnerability. And so you have to be willing to create vulnerabilities in order to get any leverage, in order to get any progress, in any way to move the position. You don't want a marriage that's just two people both in 50-50. You want it to actually move along.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, and also I am. Middle weight and moderately talented. So training at that academy with so many incredibly talented people and training in New York City where there's so many unbelievably talented people, you're constantly humble and feeling like you should just be wearing a blue belt all the time. But a lot of, I think, as you know and as most people who practice jujitsu know, you start to sort of see jujitsu in everything. I genuinely believe that in love”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I'm prone to jiu-jitsu metaphors, and this is one of the first conversations where I can actually use them because the person I'm talking to is a jiu-jitsu person.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because they don't love you. They love the you've presented to them, which you know in your heart is not the authentic, honest, real you. And so if you know you're super into furries and you don't tell your partner about that, and your partner says, I love you so much. And you know what I love? One of the things I love about us is we have such great sexual chemistry, you'll never feel that love because you know, yeah, that's not true though. She doesn't know. She doesn't know that actually I'm not really satisfied. And there is this thing that I want that I know I can't even tell her because I'm so ashamed. Like, that doesn't feel like a good option to me.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Probably out of fear. Fear that they would reject you. That they, okay, well, now, see, I genuinely believe that. You know, I'm very conflicted in my religious faith, but I. I don't know that I believe in the devil. But if there was a devil, I think his principal function would be to convince us that we are so bestial that God couldn't love us. Would be to convince us that we're awful and that we should just lean into the awfulness. And I know the greatest. Low points of my life came whenever I just went, you know what, I'm just awful. I might as well just behave awfully. And I really believe When you push down parts of yourself. Like your sexuality, like your insecurities, your true feelings from your romantic partner, the person who's supposed to be your number one. You are making sure you will never feel their love”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, you don't want to be in. There's a difference between being honest about something and being indelicate about it. Know like I think we all do this with lovers, like any of us who've been in more than one relationship. You would not, you know, at the end of sex be like, that was the third best sex I've ever had. You know, like it's just indelicate. It's rude, you know. So I don't think it's a matter of total candor at all times. But I think if you were using the furry example, and I'm not picking on furries Just think if that is a proclivity that is anything other than a passing thought, like it's something that you just keep coming back to. Then you're making a conscious decision to withhold it from your partner. And what is that out of? I mean, I would say it's probably out of fear. I'm not a psychologist, but it's a fear of fear.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Do they regret that they were in the closet? No, because they were married, they had kids, like they had experiences, they're glad they had. But would their advice to a young person in their 20s and 30s who's gay be stay in the closet because then you can have a wife and some kids and then you can come out when you're 50 or 60 and have a second chapter? No. Would say, you know, be who you are, don't be afraid, you know.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, quite unsuccessfully. The second order effects of that are very rarely positive. I don't think I've ever met someone and went, yeah, I really hid this huge part of myself for an extended period of time. And that's the best thing that happened. I'm really glad. I'm really glad I stayed in the closet as long as I did. It really worked out, like it rarely does. It's a question of how long can you hold it off? I know gay men who stayed in the closet for 40 years, 50 years of their lives. And then they had a successful second chapter as a gay man I've had clients like that”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“But frame the question the other direction. If you were into furries How do you prevent your partner from knowing anything about that? That feels like a real, you'd have to make a conscious choice to not let your partner”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Well, it gives you an easy answer as to why the two of you split up, but I don't think most divorces have such simple answers as it was a foot thing. But I also think, too, like listen, if you got a partner, I mean, we all do stuff that we're not super into because we're in a relationship. And that's what part of it is. Like, do you really want to go see that chick flick? Do you really want to eat at this restaurant? Do you really want to go to her cousin's wedding? No, but, you know, part of being a relationship is, okay, if you're into this, I'm going to pretend this song's a good song. Even though it's not my favorite song. And I think I just don't know. We've turned sex. I mean, sex has been so politicized in recent years. Maybe it always was. But I think we've made it into something where we can't just, I don't know, I'm not in defeat, but if the woman I love was like, you know, I'm really in defeat. Like I really want to do stuff with your feet. I'd be like, all right, I can pretend that I'm into that. Like for, it's not going to kill me.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I can't, I'm not kingshaming anybody, but there's nothing sexual about feet to me at all. I just don't get it. I don't, but I mean, listen, people like things. It's good, you know. But yeah, I have had clients that have odd fetishes or sexual proclivities or things they want to do, and they don't share it with their partner at all. And then they find an outlet for it because they try to go without it and that doesn't work. So they try to find some other outlet for it. And then that's interpreted as a betrayal and it creates distance and people split up. And of course, everybody likes to have like a bad guy to blame it on. So when you say, well, why'd you guys get divorced? Oh, because he's secretly out of foot fetish and he was on these message boards like meet people.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Us versus the us. It's us. And that's what I mean when I say that thickest thieves. Like when they're like a unit like that, because it's, look, it's just us. It's just what we want. It's what we like. And that's why I said even when it comes to sex or things like that, like if you can't be candid with your partner about whatever weird shit you're into or what fantasy you had in any particular No matter who the hell can you be candid with? I mean, because you're going to either go without or go elsewhere. And neither of those is a particularly healthy option or helpful option. It's the start of that decline. So why? Why open yourself to that decline, which invariably is just the path to the chair in front of me in my office?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Just get weird. Like, yeah, I love this Elvis pretending to be weirdo. I love this, like, you know, like former sex worker who's like, you know, like whatever, like just go in, like, love this person, have them love you. Don't worry about what everybody else is doing in their relationship. Like, we're in such, I mean, it's not to me surprising that As the performative aspects of life on social media increases, people's satisfaction with their relationships and the divorce rate is following the same trend because I think everyone's going, well, what's everybody else doing? How much sex is everyone else having? The only two people that should worry about how much sex you're having are the two people. If the two people are happy in the relationship, great. Then what does it matter? What does matter what everybody else is doing?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's a line in drugstore cowboy, which is a great film, where he says we played a game you couldn't win to the utmost. And I think everything, I think life is a game you can't win. And so you play it to the utmost. Like to love anything is insane because you are accepting that you're going to lose it. Like I'm a dog person and you get a dog and you've just resigned yourself to unbelievable pain because this thing's going to die in like 10 years, maybe 15 if you're lucky. Why would you open your heart to that? Why would you let because the joy is just so wonderful of it, of the ride up until it. Same thing with us. I mean, every marriage, every relationship, every love is going to end. It's going to end in death or divorce. So why not just go in? Like go in, like go in and just get weird, you know, like don't define it the way that's, I mean, look at, you know, again, we keep going back to true romance, but.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Does itself right? Like it really does I think it initially has to be a conscious practice. And by the way, it's easier to make it a conscious practice before it started to fade, right? I mean, that's what's so amazing about marriage is there's like almost eight billion people in the world and you're picking this one. So when you marry in theory, the stock's at its highest, like you're as crazy about each other as you could possibly be. So that's the time to get into this mindfulness, to get into this practice. Not once it's like the wheels are starting to come off. It's much harder. It's like gaining a bunch of weight and then saying, okay, how am I going to lose the weight now?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And it's not like that has to be a conscious, like they wake up every day and go, I should be grateful for the dog. Like, that's just visceral. It's in them. You know, and so, and your children, like people's children, you know, it's why people are not aware of how annoying their children are because they're not annoying to them. Like, I get it. Like to you, the sound of your kids shrieking is like, oh, my kids having a good time. And you don't get that, and see when I try to, when I hear that, I try to hear it with those ears. Like, oh, I'm a parent. I get it. My kids are adults now, but like, I get it. So when I hear a kid shrieking, I just am like, oh, like to that parent, that's the sound of that kid having a great time and good. Like it's so nice that that's in the world. So for me, it has to be conscious. For that parent, I don't think it has to be conscious. So I think it would be great if it didn't have to be a conscious practice. But I wonder if like anything in meditation or mindfulness.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I don't think it should be so difficult with our children, with our pets. We don't have this problem. Like you never have someone look at their dog who they've had for eight years and go, I got to get a new dog. Like I've had this one for eight years. Like I got to get like puppies are so cute. What am I doing with this old dog? Like it's the total opposite. They're like, oh my God, this is like my dog. This is my dog. Like the smell of the dog is like, this is my dog's smell. The bad habits of the dog. You're like, that's my stupid dog that does stupid things.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That is a conscious choice. I think approaching life that way is a conscious choice. Approaching any relationship that way is a conscious choice. I mean, looking at someone who hurts you or does something hurtful to you and thinking about what's going on in their life that they're doing that or what's happening with them, yeah, that's a very conscious choice. And I think a better one. Better one than seething in animosity and letting that eat you alive. But I don't know that it's.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Like, okay, I've never had barbecue before, apparently. This is a whole different thing. I think it's the same thing. I think it's like once you see real love, like real love, and I mean romantic love, like real love like that, real bond, real, you go, oh, yeah, this other thing's not going to do it”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because I think it was like, well, how do we sell this incredibly stupid concept that isn't working to people? I know we'll tell them God says you have to. And we'll sign on for that. I don't buy it. I don't buy it anymore. I really, because when you see a successful marriage, or you see two people, even without a marriage, you see a pair bond. You see a couple that really love each other and cheer for each other in that way and like hang on each other's words that way and like are just in each other's corner that way, you see the fake shit instantly. Like you see the difference right away. It's like if you, you know, the first time, this is the first time I've come to Austin. I've thought I'd eaten a lot of barbecue in my life. Never had Texas barbecue. I landed, I went and had barbecue”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Does that do to him though See, that's the point. Like, if there's a point to this, to this whole thing, this whole couple th Isn't that it I don't understand this idea of we had a successful marriage. We were married for 50 something years. We were miserable for 47 of them, but we hung in there. This is an endurance event. Like the primary relationship of your life, you've decided you're going to turn. Into the like a 50 mile trail race. Like, why? Why would you do that? Like, congratulations, you took the concept of monogamy and made it something that two people are absolutely not going to enjoy, but you hung in there. Congratulations. And I understand there's religious perspectives that say, well, it's a sacred covenant.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I always look at him because I always think to myself the look on his face is like, that's like this feeling of like, holy yeah, wow, okay, like that's everyone's looking at her and she's mine and she's coming up here and we're getting married. And I feel like, yeah, like that kind of adoration. Like I think that's the look we're describing is like adoration, like that the words coming out of their mouth that they're like, yeah, that's mine. That one's mine, you know, that's such a great thing. Like it's such a great feeling.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's a scene in it where she holds up a sign to Christian Slater and it says you're so cool. And I like, man, like that's it. That's it. Always, I think I say it somewhere in the book that you know, you go to weddings, and like when the bride walks in, you know, everybody's looking at the bride. It's her show. Everybody turns around the first glimpse everybody gets at the bride. And I never look at the bride. I always look at the groom looking at the bride Because there's this, to me, that's everything. Like, he has this look, because this is the first time he's seeing her in the dress most of the time. And also, he's seeing her like, holy shit, she's coming down the aisle. We're getting married. Like, but this is it. And everyone's looking at her.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“There's a scene in the movie True Romance. I love a great movie. I mean, Gary Oldman scenes the greatest scene ever done in film, you know, with Christian Slater and he.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And you don't talk my partner to me. And that to me is because I think we're just so criticized by the world. The world is so full of criticism. We criticize ourselves so harshly that having a partner who no matter what is like you've got this, I'm with you. Like you, okay, yeah, you screwed up. I see it. Look, I'm not going to lie to you about your blind spots. You screwed up. But you know what? People screw up sometimes. You got to write to screw up. A lot of people screw up. Come on. Get up. Let's go. I know you have it in you. If you have that person, like I feel like that's a superpower to have that effect on another person.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“They are they got each other's back like you wouldn't believe man you could take sides against anybody but take sides against their partner you're going down like and that when you see a couple that has that You just, you know, that's so hard to break. But I think that comes from having a steadfast, yeah, no, I don't do that. Like, I don't talk my partner.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I'm very caught up on or feel very strongly about is that we have been encouraged culturally to criticize people we're in long-term relationships with, not new relationships. New relationships, you put the person on a pedestal, you're allowed to just, oh, they're wonderful. But every trope out there in every form of popular media is like the wife rolling her eyes at the husband and the husband being like, oh, this loathsome harpy that castrated me. As if like people are just passive players in their lives. And I think that is an incredibly toxic message to send to people. This is how we should be relating to our partner. Like we should not, you don't take the piss out of your partner in front of people. Like the successful relationships I've seen are where people are just cheering for their partner, where they are thickest thieves, where there is just this feeling of like, man, they like each other.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“And I think a good partner wants to understand the cur Of their partner. They want to understand, hey, are you going through something? Look, if I'm the one you need to take it out on, that's okay. Like, I'm a big boy. I can take it. If you're hormonal, if you're frustrated at work, if you're whatever, like we should be able to, you know, to have a little bit of that interaction in a relationship. But I do think So easy to just say to people, communication is the key, but it really is about fearless kinds of communication. It's about really honestly saying to somebody, you know, this. This feels like something to me. Am I wrong? Like, this just feels like something to me. And also how that's presented, I mean, one of the things I'm very.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Used to do this and you've stopped. That feels like something to me. Like she said, she didn't say anything about that. Just like he probably didn't say anything about the blowjobs. I think if there had been a moment of this is starting, let's talk about it while it's starting. But people wait from what I can see. People wait until the big thing happens, the financial impropriety, the substance use disorder, the cheating. They wait for that to happen and then they go, where did we go wrong? And the answer is quite a while ago with the granola.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“You point it out, then the person realizes okay, he likes this or dislikes this. So yes, there becomes a deliberateness to it, you know, a conscious. So I understand not pointing that out when it's a good thing. I think when it's a negative thing, I think in the granola situation, if she had said to him,”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Like, if you said, why does this person love you? They wouldn't say, Oh, because I always make sure that when the paper comes, I bring it from the bottom of the driveway to the door so they don't have to go out and get it. Or I always hold the door for them. Or I, you know, oh, I always, like, again, I buy the granola that I know this person likes, you know, or I remembered that they don't like it when I put on this particular record so I don't put it on. And those are these, yes, they're small things, but they're not small. They're kind of everything.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“I think it's very interesting in my own experience in life. I remember I had a difficult chapter with one of my sons, my younger son, when he was in his early 20s. And we were having a heartfelt conversation. And I said to him, do you know I love you? And he said, well, yeah, of course I do. I said, but do you feel my love? Like, do you feel it? You know, not just you know it intellectually, do you feel it? And I remember thinking to myself, when do we feel someone's love, right? Like, what is it that they do? And sometimes it's the weirdest, silliest things that they would never know. They are the person who's showing us that they love us and that we're feeling their love. They would never show us.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Yeah, exactly correct. You batch it all together. Yeah, so she said, well, exactly. And they had kids at that point. So I think she really was like, hey, we've gotten certain window. So let's have something we both enjoy. So, I don't think she had any negative intentions there. I think that she was working in good faith towards the betterment of the relationship, but it was having this second order effect. And so I really do think that, yeah, the blowjobs, granola. I mean, there anyone who's been in a long-term relationship. I guess it's just worth asking the question. What does this person do that makes me feel loved? Because”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Because I think it started before that when she said, yeah, I used to give him blowjobs. And, you know, when we were in our early relationship, and then one day, like I just was like, oh, well, you know, we don't have much time. Like, well, I'll wait until later and we'll have sex. And then we both enjoy it.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Have to look at both sides. So I have to think a lot about my own arguments, but I also have to think about what's the other lawyer's argument going to be, especially in custody cases. So I really have been forced to look at both sides for so many years so deeply in relationships that once you do that, you realize that the good guy, bad guy thing just doesn't apply.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Only if you were reverse engineering a relationship and saying, how did this break, you really have to look at both people, the good and the bad, you know, what each of them did that moved the dial in these different directions? And I think that that's very hard for anyone going through a divorce to do about their own relationship. You know, we don't know who discovered water, but it wasn't a fish. Like if you're in it, I don't think you see it clearly. I think as a divorce lawyer, Whose job is to really drill down on the facts and figure out what's going on in this story?”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Sure. Yeah. This is such a multivariate equation. It's a dance, it's a chemistry. What did you do and what did the other person do? And see, the interesting thing about being a divorce lawyer is I'm weaponizing intimacy in a courtroom. So I'm telling it's full contact storytelling what I do for a living. So what I do is I take my client's story and I have to present it to a judge and make my client the hero in every way and the other side the villain in every way. Now I have to be careful not to do that in a manner that loses credibility because even a judge would know even a judge is smart enough to know that no one's all good or all bad.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“Cheating, but cheating is the big all-at-once thing. How did we get to the place where cheating was even something you were thinking about doing or that you would think about and then cross the line from thought into action? And that's, I think, the big question. So disconnection would be my answer.”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source
“That's a great question, but it's a question that everybody wants there to be a simple answer. Like, they want me to say cheating or money or the internet. But the reality is I think it's a lot of little things. It's disconnection. That would be my answer. The reason marriages fail is disconnection. What causes disconnection? That's the bigger and I think more important question because like Tom Wolfe said about bankruptcy, it happens very slowly and then all at once. Disconnection happens very slowly and then all at once. So most of the time what I think people want is an answer like”
2023-09-18 · Lex Fridman Podcast · #396 – James Sexton: Divorce Lawyer on Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Lies & Love · IDENTIFIED FROM THE TRANSCRIPT · source